First Date

[utopia]

I went on a date with n acquaintance of a couple of months after ages of drought from romantic entanglements and years of absence from sexual intimacy. The fear, the excitement, the nervousness. the growth.

coffee, dinner, and green tea followed with intimate sharing and kisses.

i came down the next morning with the flu and a phone message from him saying it went too fast and to go back to being friends.

a whirlwind of what!!!????, hes afraid of being hurt , i have no luck and so on but i didnt make it all about me or my faults and ive accepted thats his choice....

but where do we draw the line with unconditional love? where do we expect certain things? how can i just go back to being normal?
how much should i open up
how much should i just let go?
did we go too fast?
since when is there a set guideline for 'dating' ?
a label for relationship phases?
a containment of love in all of its phases as it grows like a steady flame?

i threw myself into it fully and im ok with it
ok that he freaked out i guess?
is love really an emotoin we can control ? i think love takes us where we want to go.
i am a deep thinker and i ponder if i put too much into this one moment but i dont feel obsessed just pondering

thoughts?

[splendra]

((((utopia))))

Does because he felt it went too fast mean that it cannot slow down to a pace he and you are comfortable with?

I know you have a lot of love in your heart slow down you don't have to give it all in a kiss...

[bikerprincess]

Utopia,

Similar experience. I went on a date with this guy a year ago. We had a great time. He especially liked to show me off to his friends, and they acted like they had heard about me (whatever) Anyway, we went out on about a date every two weeks for three months, each time having a great time, No big talk about "getting serious" or anything. The second to last time we went out he was distant and mean kind of just like " don't like me too much" attitude and the next day we had plans so I addressed it. He id the "I don't know what you are talking about" deal and then finally opened up that he liked just dating, and didn't want to get serious. I said I was cool with that too. I told him I really enjoyed his company and that was okay how it was...I was in NO HURRY either. It seemed to kind of relieve him and that night we had a BLAST!!
We talked a couple times after that, Then NOTHING. No call no explanation nothing. We were all at Bike week together a couple of months later, and he satyed at our house for a night...........Still nothing.

Moral of the story..........At least he communicated his fears!
One day at a time. Thats what dating is to me today!

Blessings
Anne

PS.....some days that story really bugs me, and I want to know why...other days it doesn't matter.

[utopia]

bikerprincess, i reall related to that, and the whole episode irritates me sometimes and other days it doesnt.
sometimes i feel like i have so much love to give and that what a wanker he was to just walk away from the wonder that it could have been. sometimes i think i talk too much. sometimes i thnk i want to give loe so much just so that i can get it. i think its self-deprecation to deny myself anything until i hit some mystical point of readiness.
that my honest nature always gets me nowhere. i cant be one of those people who responds with yeh im fine when i dont feel that way, and i always open up my dreams if im asked of them. i always talk more then the people i date as well and wonder if i flood them emotionally or verbally and i get so angry at them in some days cos they never tell me why they walk away from me, well this one didnt. i cant just shrug my shoulders and walk away hohum it didnt work out. i very rarely meet men i like and respect so i go into fearful scarcity thinking and now? i have recognised this morbid fear of being 30 still single and quite a cold and bitter individual

[lunasol]

hey,

you guys may want to check out the "he's just not that into you" thread over on the friends and family of alcolics thread.