Can This Family Be Saved? - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Bozo · 07-21-2005, 10:38 AM

Yesterday, for the first time in a long time, I considered suicide. I am at my wits end with the environment I live(or exist) in.

Mainly the trouble centers around my 11 year old son. He has been diagnosed with ADD, but other psychological testing is scheduled.

Briefly. He has always been a high demand individual. That is not exactly how I want to describe it but lets just say he has always been high maintenance.

I have tried almost everything under the sun to help him with himself. I have tried Cub Scouts, Tae Kwan Do, group counseling, individual counseling. family counseling, psychiatrist, medication, and nothing seems to help him with his violent outbursts.

He always performs like an angel when he is at the doctors office.

My wife and 9 year old son are becoming very afraid of him and his violent outbursts.

We have called suicide prevention hotlines, women being battered hotlines, etc, very close to calling the police because of some of the violence escalating and property damage to our home.

He is a great kid, but for sure something is wrong.

He doesnt come from a great gene pool, what with my alcoholism and depression and my wifes battle with depression.

I am at the point now where I think the only thing that will work is an intervention from God Almighty.

My last thought on this subject is to try some kind of a pastoral counseling and to take some kind of religious retreat in the hopes a divine intervention will take place.

I have very little inner peace and serenity anymore thanks to this family situation. The 9 year old is perfectly "normal", and it is so unfair for him to have to be around this friggin chaos.

When it is just my wife, me and the youngest son, the mood and atmosphere is as different as night and day.

Please I am begging you or anyone for help and suggestions.

I am lost and do not know what to do anymore.............

We are leaving for a family vacation tomorrow to go to Virginia Beach and we are all on eggshells not knowing how he will behave.

Yesterday he came out of the kitchen holding a knife to his throat, but then later, filled with guilt and remorse, he said he was joking and would never ever consider killing himself.

My wife was very upset and ended up calling his therapist.

Dear God, what should we do?

I am so worried for him and about him.

freya · 07-21-2005, 04:00 PM

Bozo:

You're post is scary; I feel for you and your family.....and I surely don't feel qualified to try to answer your questions. It seems pretty clear that you need the help of someone with A LOT of experience dealing with these types of children and also of someone wtih A LOT of epxerience prescribing drugs for adolescents and teens -- which, from what I've read, is very problematic, has to be monitored super-closely and carefully, and is difficult to get right, since most drug testing is done on adult males, and often necessitates a long, trying, trial-and-error period for the individual youth.

I'm not sure where Brattleboro is or how difficult it would be for you to get your son to a larger metropolitan area where you might have access to more professionals with more experience in this area????

It scares me and makes me really sad to think of you and the rest of your family being so frightened and stressed in your own home -- no one should have to live like that. And it sounds like your 11 year old is really suffering, too. Is there anyway that you might be able to get your son into an inpatient program somewhere? I really don't know what is available or how you would go about finding it. I only see TV when I'm at the gym, but I did see an interesting, but very brief, segment on one of the morning shows last week about a program for young people with these types of problems -- a program run by people who used to be "troubled youth" themselves, and it was supposedly very successful from what the kids who had been through it and their parents were saying.

Good luck -- and I'll pray that you make it through your vacation without any major incidents -- freya

Bozo · 07-21-2005, 05:46 PM

For posting Freya. I know you are not in a position to offer professional advice, but you have no idea how much it means to me to at least "hear" from another fellow human being.

Yes I agree my 11 year old son in suffering as well. He has told me numerous times he wished he didnt have to feel this way.

We have tried so hard and over for a year now to get him the professional help we feel he needs.

He will be going for some more neurological in depth testing in Northampton, Ma. at the end of August.

It has been another very long and drawn out day of fighting, refereeing and trying to restore calm to this chaotic homefront. God I just hate it.

My dream was to become a Dad, I had no idea it would turn out like this.

I love him with my whole heart and soul and would die for him if it would bring some sort of peace to his inner mind and heart.

Thank you for wishing us well on our vacation.

God willing I will post upon our return.

Thank you for offering me some hope.

God Bless. Mike

Yoguina · 07-24-2005, 08:17 AM

I think this child knows what buttons to push. The fact that he held a knife to his throat and then said to his parentns that he would never kill himself, lets me to think he knows he's got a problem. In this day and age, there is so much out there to read...don't people read and educate themselves anymore??? one thing that will work
is the therapist and whatever drug it takes to control this irrational behavior. His brain
has a definate chemical inbalance and it needs correction. Also, DIET plays a big
part on a child....cut out the sugar, the msg, etc. etc. and then you will see a more
mellow kind of individual emerging from all this. Honest, I have a 6 year old niece that
once she had a scoop of chocolate icecream, she talked nonstop and carried on for
an exact 3 1/2 ride from key west to our house. Sugar, is soooo bad for her, I've
taken down mental notes on what she eats, and it affects her the wrong way. It is
not her fault!!! help this child, put him on a veggie and fruits (low sugar) diet.Good luck, and yes...GOD BLESS...pray, pray and pray to God, he answers your prayers!!!

scribbler · 07-24-2005, 08:59 AM

i would say put him in a program, or some kind of boot camp where they wont take his s*#t... i dont know exactly, but i know i was a troubled child... and i wish my parents would of put me somewhere. but at the time i convinced them how horrible it would be to put me somewhere, and i did think it was horrible. he needs help, obviously, so maybe do some research and put him in a hospital or something. doesnt his therapist recommend somewhere/something???? i dont really think a religious retreat would do it, honestly, i think it would make him more mad and angry, and i would of never taken something like that serious at the time. he needs something more raw, i mean more real to him. someone posted before the place that is run by former problem children, that is more applicable i think....
....good luck, please let us know what you end up doing and if it helps.....

bluerskies · 07-25-2005, 09:46 AM

Bozo,
I'm so sorry to read of the pain you are experiencing. My brother had many violent outbursts from the age of 11 on...today he is happily married with a child and a totally different person. His answer was antidepressents and a lot of harsh consequences for his actions. I just wanted to share and let you know that there is hope for better days (I would have never thought it in my brother's case). It is a terrible thing to be scared in your own house. I agree with scribbler...he needs to not be able to manipulate anyone with his actions. good luck and keep posting

Cap3 · 07-30-2005, 05:52 AM

Hi Bozo,all great suggestions above.You say that your son performs like an angel at the Doctors,office.....This says volums to me,as a parent.Red flag.So,he can control his behaviour when he feels that its in his best interest to do so.,or when he ...wants..to,for as short a period and or long periods,as he...feels..He is not as out of control as he would have you believe....If he was so ill menatlly,or out of control,this would be totally, impossible,to control their behaviour at any time.May have calm, periods,at times.But not when they want to,or decided to be can angel.For even this decision,is out of their control.Doesnt seem to be the case here..Now you have a child who is running your home.Your total life.Time to turn the tables around.You are the parent.Has there been conquences for bad behaviour?Even the sickest of sick can learn.In recovery programs i learn what is my part in all da mess.Look at your part here please..Where you have enabled him.Ive done this myself many,many times..There are alot of parents who do feel that giving kids conquences for their actions,is being a mean crule parent.But the crulity is when we don't,i feel.If a child has no conquences for their actions,they get out of control.Every person who walks this earth,pay conquences for their actions.Everyone.Time your child learn this too.Be strong,consistance,.You already are loving,carring,so just might want to add to this.Suggestion only,Try to get a suppot group,with all the folks who are in this boys life.They too could be enabling him,who knows.I know myself that at times its just simplier to give in,oh yea,because they sure can ware,ya down,at times.Kids like to test the waters,see how far,they can go,learning about their boundaires,and where they are..There is a reason why your lad behaves the way he does.Because it works.
Thanks for letting me share,my expeirnces,and thoughts here.Please keep in mind,that i don't know you and or your family.Im sharring,and suggesting,what has worked out for my own family,with 4 lads..And prayer and putting God first and formost in our life,too.Our family would not be together as a family,its only through Gods Grace that we are..Prayer without works is dead.I needed to take action too.
My prayers for your whole family.Keep the Faith,no matter what..

Cutty · 07-30-2005, 08:00 PM

Dear Bozo...I really can't give you any further advice than what you've already received here. My heart goes out to you....... hang in there. I do believe in divine intervention....turn it over to your HP and seek his guidance. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Bozo · 07-31-2005, 12:55 PM

Just to let everyone know we are back from Va. Beach. There has been many helpful and thoughtful suggestions and I would like to take the time to reply to all of them.

I am short on time today, but will attempt in the next couple of days to update everyone and I have several comments concerning all the helpful posts.

Imsoconfused, thank you for your helpful insight. We have gone the route of a behavior therapist and now a psychiatrist and medication.

But other posters have made interesting statements about him controlling his behaviour in other places such as school. Which to a degree he has, but to a degree he has not.

When I have a little more privacy I would like to respond to everyone with my personalized thoughts.

Thank you all for posting and helping, this has actually been a very good weekend for our family although yesterday it was just me and Alex, the 11 year old, and today it is just me, Alex and the youngest boy Blake.

The mom has been away this weekend. Wonder if my relationship with her is part of the problem?

Too much to consider. Must take small steps.

Will reply as soon as I can. Mike

Bozo · 07-31-2005, 04:47 PM

I find your post about dieting to be of interest. He has had a poor diet from the day he was born. He is 11 and to this day refuses to TRY fruits or vegetables. He is IMO a carbo addict.

The good news is he has become concerned about being overweight. He is not obese by any means, but is overweight.

He has been trying to stay away from sugar and fat and has been exercising more by walking and riding his bike.

I will continue to pray that he find the willingness to try new and healthy foods and continues to exercise.

Thank you for your concern and your post.

Also you are correct about his pushing buttons, especially his mothers.

Bozo · 07-31-2005, 04:57 PM

Sounds like you are ready to give him a good dose of tough love. You know I have thought about a summer camp and also have thought why any doctors or therapists have not suggested anything concerning an inpatient program.

He has talked to and been seen by a fair amount of professionals. He is still being evaluated and medications have been adjusted.

I am not sure he needs to go into an adolescent treatment program as of this point.

Bozo · 07-31-2005, 05:07 PM

Yes and that is exactly why I have considered calling the police after one of his violent outbursts(which could very well be a form of manupulating). Perhaps if I could get over my own insecurity and the possible embarrasment of having the police come to my home, maybe he would learn a lesson about consequences.

It is almost a roll of the dice though because it could backfire. I really dont want to lose him to the DSS because of a situation that might get misinterpreted.

It is a tough call on calling police.

I hope and pray better days are ahead. It just should not be this hard being a family.

bluerskies · 08-02-2005, 08:37 PM

Bozo,
Hi again...hope all is well. I still can't look back on that period of my life and figure out what the correct answer would have been for my parents. I mean what do you do when you are scared of your own son? The final straw for my brother didn't come until he was way older and his wife was on the verge of divorcing him...and then like magic he got help and has been 90% better since then. Meaning he had the ability to change all along he just needed to hit his own bottom to do it. It is very similar to the whole addiction problem.

It is so hard though when you are dealing with children. Obviously you need a professional to help with the situation. You can't do it alone. Police will scare him, but probably won't cause long term change. And you and your family need peace too. I understand that end. I remember being scared everyday for a while when I was young and I remember seeing my parents scared. No one deserves it. It breaks my heart when you say that it just should not be this hard being a family, because it shouldn't. Wishing you thoughts of hope.

Bozo · 08-05-2005, 03:16 AM

Excellent post. Both my wife and I are both guilty as charged for not setting boundaries with Alex. You nailed it when you said they wear you down. It is nothing for him to go on a 2 hour rampage until we give in because we cant take it mentally and emotionally anymore.

Everything you said is correct and dead on with my situation. He does what he does because it works! Bingo! Well put Cap3.

Imsoconfused had the idea of taking away something he really likes as a punishment to get his behavior under control.

He loves being on the computer and chatting with his friends.

Yesterday because both the boys were fighting, my wife shut down the computer AND unhooked the cable TV.

It wasnt easy she said, but she stuck to her time limits for them and somehow made it through the day without too much turmoil.

So I guess the key, or one of them, to resolve this family situation is for the PARENTS to regain control of the household.

Yes there has been way too much giving in, and quite frankly way too much given to them when they were younger.

I will continue to keep people posted under this thread as to what we do, what happens, and where we are at as a family.

He had 3 rough nights in a row of acting out and it is still a very stressful environment. I am doing my best to stay calm and focused and I am really trying to get my wife to take the same attitude, because he has no problems whatsoever pushing her buttons.

Also, I must become more willing to pray and ask God for help. Thanks, Mike.

Bozo · 08-17-2005, 04:37 PM

Alex has been doing much better since he started his one on one counseling. His counselor is trying to help him identify what he feels before he has one of his "episodes". He has actually had a couple of good weeks.

We have said no to him on a few occasions and other things have not worked out for him, but he seems more accepting of certain situations.

I really try to praise him when he does something well and I try to stay calm when he is out of control.

Sure hope things continue in a good vein.

InvisibleNobody · 08-18-2005, 07:59 PM

Bozo -

I'm glad to hear that things are starting to go well for you and your family. I hope that it continues down this path and that at the end of this tunnel all of you will come out to a beautiful valley.

My prayers are with you and your family.

07-21-2005, 10:38 AM	#1 (permalink)
Bozo On The Bus Join Date: May 2004 Location: Brattleboro, Vt. Posts: 472	Can This Family Be Saved? Yesterday, for the first time in a long time, I considered suicide. I am at my wits end with the environment I live(or exist) in. Mainly the trouble centers around my 11 year old son. He has been diagnosed with ADD, but other psychological testing is scheduled. Briefly. He has always been a high demand individual. That is not exactly how I want to describe it but lets just say he has always been high maintenance. I have tried almost everything under the sun to help him with himself. I have tried Cub Scouts, Tae Kwan Do, group counseling, individual counseling. family counseling, psychiatrist, medication, and nothing seems to help him with his violent outbursts. He always performs like an angel when he is at the doctors office. My wife and 9 year old son are becoming very afraid of him and his violent outbursts. We have called suicide prevention hotlines, women being battered hotlines, etc, very close to calling the police because of some of the violence escalating and property damage to our home. He is a great kid, but for sure something is wrong. He doesnt come from a great gene pool, what with my alcoholism and depression and my wifes battle with depression. I am at the point now where I think the only thing that will work is an intervention from God Almighty. My last thought on this subject is to try some kind of a pastoral counseling and to take some kind of religious retreat in the hopes a divine intervention will take place. I have very little inner peace and serenity anymore thanks to this family situation. The 9 year old is perfectly "normal", and it is so unfair for him to have to be around this friggin chaos. When it is just my wife, me and the youngest son, the mood and atmosphere is as different as night and day. Please I am begging you or anyone for help and suggestions. I am lost and do not know what to do anymore............. We are leaving for a family vacation tomorrow to go to Virginia Beach and we are all on eggshells not knowing how he will behave. Yesterday he came out of the kitchen holding a knife to his throat, but then later, filled with guilt and remorse, he said he was joking and would never ever consider killing himself. My wife was very upset and ended up calling his therapist. Dear God, what should we do? I am so worried for him and about him.
	__________________ Signature made by my son Alex.

07-21-2005, 04:00 PM	#2 (permalink)
freya Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: Rochester, NY Posts: 320	Bozo: You're post is scary; I feel for you and your family.....and I surely don't feel qualified to try to answer your questions. It seems pretty clear that you need the help of someone with A LOT of experience dealing with these types of children and also of someone wtih A LOT of epxerience prescribing drugs for adolescents and teens -- which, from what I've read, is very problematic, has to be monitored super-closely and carefully, and is difficult to get right, since most drug testing is done on adult males, and often necessitates a long, trying, trial-and-error period for the individual youth. I'm not sure where Brattleboro is or how difficult it would be for you to get your son to a larger metropolitan area where you might have access to more professionals with more experience in this area???? It scares me and makes me really sad to think of you and the rest of your family being so frightened and stressed in your own home -- no one should have to live like that. And it sounds like your 11 year old is really suffering, too. Is there anyway that you might be able to get your son into an inpatient program somewhere? I really don't know what is available or how you would go about finding it. I only see TV when I'm at the gym, but I did see an interesting, but very brief, segment on one of the morning shows last week about a program for young people with these types of problems -- a program run by people who used to be "troubled youth" themselves, and it was supposedly very successful from what the kids who had been through it and their parents were saying. Good luck -- and I'll pray that you make it through your vacation without any major incidents -- freya
	__________________ I never did give anybody hell; I just told the truth and they thought it was hell. -- Harry S. Truman

07-21-2005, 05:46 PM	#3 (permalink)
Bozo On The Bus Join Date: May 2004 Location: Brattleboro, Vt. Posts: 472	Thank You A Thousand Times For posting Freya. I know you are not in a position to offer professional advice, but you have no idea how much it means to me to at least "hear" from another fellow human being. Yes I agree my 11 year old son in suffering as well. He has told me numerous times he wished he didnt have to feel this way. We have tried so hard and over for a year now to get him the professional help we feel he needs. He will be going for some more neurological in depth testing in Northampton, Ma. at the end of August. It has been another very long and drawn out day of fighting, refereeing and trying to restore calm to this chaotic homefront. God I just hate it. My dream was to become a Dad, I had no idea it would turn out like this. I love him with my whole heart and soul and would die for him if it would bring some sort of peace to his inner mind and heart. Thank you for wishing us well on our vacation. God willing I will post upon our return. Thank you for offering me some hope. God Bless. Mike
	__________________ Signature made by my son Alex.

07-25-2005, 09:46 AM	#6 (permalink)
bluerskies watching the clouds roll away Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: bliss Posts: 26	Bozo, I'm so sorry to read of the pain you are experiencing. My brother had many violent outbursts from the age of 11 on...today he is happily married with a child and a totally different person. His answer was antidepressents and a lot of harsh consequences for his actions. I just wanted to share and let you know that there is hope for better days (I would have never thought it in my brother's case). It is a terrible thing to be scared in your own house. I agree with scribbler...he needs to not be able to manipulate anyone with his actions. good luck and keep posting
	__________________ In memory of Mike, brilliant artist, loyal friend, beloved soul who passed away on September 11, 2008 from the disease of addiction. If you are lost please take this chance to go to a meeting today or ask someone for help.

07-30-2005, 08:00 PM	#8 (permalink)
Cutty Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Georgia Posts: 4	Dear Bozo...I really can't give you any further advice than what you've already received here. My heart goes out to you....... hang in there. I do believe in divine intervention....turn it over to your HP and seek his guidance. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
	__________________ Cutty I'm not afraid of storms, for I'm learning to sail my ship. Louisa May Alcott

07-24-2005, 08:17 AM	#4 (permalink)
Yoguina Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: fort lauderdale,florida Posts: 25	I think this child knows what buttons to push. The fact that he held a knife to his throat and then said to his parentns that he would never kill himself, lets me to think he knows he's got a problem. In this day and age, there is so much out there to read...don't people read and educate themselves anymore??? one thing that will work is the therapist and whatever drug it takes to control this irrational behavior. His brain has a definate chemical inbalance and it needs correction. Also, DIET plays a big part on a child....cut out the sugar, the msg, etc. etc. and then you will see a more mellow kind of individual emerging from all this. Honest, I have a 6 year old niece that once she had a scoop of chocolate icecream, she talked nonstop and carried on for an exact 3 1/2 ride from key west to our house. Sugar, is soooo bad for her, I've taken down mental notes on what she eats, and it affects her the wrong way. It is not her fault!!! help this child, put him on a veggie and fruits (low sugar) diet.Good luck, and yes...GOD BLESS...pray, pray and pray to God, he answers your prayers!!!

07-24-2005, 08:59 AM	#5 (permalink)
scribbler Awaiting Email Confirmation Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: boston, ma Posts: 10	i would say put him in a program, or some kind of boot camp where they wont take his s*#t... i dont know exactly, but i know i was a troubled child... and i wish my parents would of put me somewhere. but at the time i convinced them how horrible it would be to put me somewhere, and i did think it was horrible. he needs help, obviously, so maybe do some research and put him in a hospital or something. doesnt his therapist recommend somewhere/something???? i dont really think a religious retreat would do it, honestly, i think it would make him more mad and angry, and i would of never taken something like that serious at the time. he needs something more raw, i mean more real to him. someone posted before the place that is run by former problem children, that is more applicable i think.... ....good luck, please let us know what you end up doing and if it helps.....

07-30-2005, 05:52 AM	#7 (permalink)
Cap3 Member Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Canada Posts: 732	Hi Bozo,all great suggestions above.You say that your son performs like an angel at the Doctors,office.....This says volums to me,as a parent.Red flag.So,he can control his behaviour when he feels that its in his best interest to do so.,or when he ...wants..to,for as short a period and or long periods,as he...feels..He is not as out of control as he would have you believe....If he was so ill menatlly,or out of control,this would be totally, impossible,to control their behaviour at any time.May have calm, periods,at times.But not when they want to,or decided to be can angel.For even this decision,is out of their control.Doesnt seem to be the case here..Now you have a child who is running your home.Your total life.Time to turn the tables around.You are the parent.Has there been conquences for bad behaviour?Even the sickest of sick can learn.In recovery programs i learn what is my part in all da mess.Look at your part here please..Where you have enabled him.Ive done this myself many,many times..There are alot of parents who do feel that giving kids conquences for their actions,is being a mean crule parent.But the crulity is when we don't,i feel.If a child has no conquences for their actions,they get out of control.Every person who walks this earth,pay conquences for their actions.Everyone.Time your child learn this too.Be strong,consistance,.You already are loving,carring,so just might want to add to this.Suggestion only,Try to get a suppot group,with all the folks who are in this boys life.They too could be enabling him,who knows.I know myself that at times its just simplier to give in,oh yea,because they sure can ware,ya down,at times.Kids like to test the waters,see how far,they can go,learning about their boundaires,and where they are..There is a reason why your lad behaves the way he does.Because it works. Thanks for letting me share,my expeirnces,and thoughts here.Please keep in mind,that i don't know you and or your family.Im sharring,and suggesting,what has worked out for my own family,with 4 lads..And prayer and putting God first and formost in our life,too.Our family would not be together as a family,its only through Gods Grace that we are..Prayer without works is dead.I needed to take action too. My prayers for your whole family.Keep the Faith,no matter what..

07-31-2005, 12:55 PM	#9 (permalink)
Bozo On The Bus Join Date: May 2004 Location: Brattleboro, Vt. Posts: 472	Updates Just to let everyone know we are back from Va. Beach. There has been many helpful and thoughtful suggestions and I would like to take the time to reply to all of them. I am short on time today, but will attempt in the next couple of days to update everyone and I have several comments concerning all the helpful posts. Imsoconfused, thank you for your helpful insight. We have gone the route of a behavior therapist and now a psychiatrist and medication. But other posters have made interesting statements about him controlling his behaviour in other places such as school. Which to a degree he has, but to a degree he has not. When I have a little more privacy I would like to respond to everyone with my personalized thoughts. Thank you all for posting and helping, this has actually been a very good weekend for our family although yesterday it was just me and Alex, the 11 year old, and today it is just me, Alex and the youngest boy Blake. The mom has been away this weekend. Wonder if my relationship with her is part of the problem? Too much to consider. Must take small steps. Will reply as soon as I can. Mike
	__________________ Signature made by my son Alex.

07-31-2005, 04:47 PM	#10 (permalink)
Bozo On The Bus Join Date: May 2004 Location: Brattleboro, Vt. Posts: 472	Procuts I find your post about dieting to be of interest. He has had a poor diet from the day he was born. He is 11 and to this day refuses to TRY fruits or vegetables. He is IMO a carbo addict. The good news is he has become concerned about being overweight. He is not obese by any means, but is overweight. He has been trying to stay away from sugar and fat and has been exercising more by walking and riding his bike. I will continue to pray that he find the willingness to try new and healthy foods and continues to exercise. Thank you for your concern and your post. Also you are correct about his pushing buttons, especially his mothers.
	__________________ Signature made by my son Alex.

07-31-2005, 04:57 PM	#11 (permalink)
Bozo On The Bus Join Date: May 2004 Location: Brattleboro, Vt. Posts: 472	Scribbler Sounds like you are ready to give him a good dose of tough love. You know I have thought about a summer camp and also have thought why any doctors or therapists have not suggested anything concerning an inpatient program. He has talked to and been seen by a fair amount of professionals. He is still being evaluated and medications have been adjusted. I am not sure he needs to go into an adolescent treatment program as of this point.
	__________________ Signature made by my son Alex.

07-31-2005, 05:07 PM	#12 (permalink)
Bozo On The Bus Join Date: May 2004 Location: Brattleboro, Vt. Posts: 472	Bluerskies Yes and that is exactly why I have considered calling the police after one of his violent outbursts(which could very well be a form of manupulating). Perhaps if I could get over my own insecurity and the possible embarrasment of having the police come to my home, maybe he would learn a lesson about consequences. It is almost a roll of the dice though because it could backfire. I really dont want to lose him to the DSS because of a situation that might get misinterpreted. It is a tough call on calling police. I hope and pray better days are ahead. It just should not be this hard being a family.
	__________________ Signature made by my son Alex.

08-02-2005, 08:37 PM	#13 (permalink)
bluerskies watching the clouds roll away Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: bliss Posts: 26	Bozo, Hi again...hope all is well. I still can't look back on that period of my life and figure out what the correct answer would have been for my parents. I mean what do you do when you are scared of your own son? The final straw for my brother didn't come until he was way older and his wife was on the verge of divorcing him...and then like magic he got help and has been 90% better since then. Meaning he had the ability to change all along he just needed to hit his own bottom to do it. It is very similar to the whole addiction problem. It is so hard though when you are dealing with children. Obviously you need a professional to help with the situation. You can't do it alone. Police will scare him, but probably won't cause long term change. And you and your family need peace too. I understand that end. I remember being scared everyday for a while when I was young and I remember seeing my parents scared. No one deserves it. It breaks my heart when you say that it just should not be this hard being a family, because it shouldn't. Wishing you thoughts of hope.
	__________________ In memory of Mike, brilliant artist, loyal friend, beloved soul who passed away on September 11, 2008 from the disease of addiction. If you are lost please take this chance to go to a meeting today or ask someone for help.

08-05-2005, 03:16 AM	#14 (permalink)
Bozo On The Bus Join Date: May 2004 Location: Brattleboro, Vt. Posts: 472	Cap 3 Excellent post. Both my wife and I are both guilty as charged for not setting boundaries with Alex. You nailed it when you said they wear you down. It is nothing for him to go on a 2 hour rampage until we give in because we cant take it mentally and emotionally anymore. Everything you said is correct and dead on with my situation. He does what he does because it works! Bingo! Well put Cap3. Imsoconfused had the idea of taking away something he really likes as a punishment to get his behavior under control. He loves being on the computer and chatting with his friends. Yesterday because both the boys were fighting, my wife shut down the computer AND unhooked the cable TV. It wasnt easy she said, but she stuck to her time limits for them and somehow made it through the day without too much turmoil. So I guess the key, or one of them, to resolve this family situation is for the PARENTS to regain control of the household. Yes there has been way too much giving in, and quite frankly way too much given to them when they were younger. I will continue to keep people posted under this thread as to what we do, what happens, and where we are at as a family. He had 3 rough nights in a row of acting out and it is still a very stressful environment. I am doing my best to stay calm and focused and I am really trying to get my wife to take the same attitude, because he has no problems whatsoever pushing her buttons. Also, I must become more willing to pray and ask God for help. Thanks, Mike.
	__________________ Signature made by my son Alex.

08-17-2005, 04:37 PM	#15 (permalink)
Bozo On The Bus Join Date: May 2004 Location: Brattleboro, Vt. Posts: 472	Update Alex has been doing much better since he started his one on one counseling. His counselor is trying to help him identify what he feels before he has one of his "episodes". He has actually had a couple of good weeks. We have said no to him on a few occasions and other things have not worked out for him, but he seems more accepting of certain situations. I really try to praise him when he does something well and I try to stay calm when he is out of control. Sure hope things continue in a good vein.
	__________________ Signature made by my son Alex.

08-18-2005, 07:59 PM	#16 (permalink)
InvisibleNobody Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Somewhere in the Ford Galaxy Posts: 28	Bozo - I'm glad to hear that things are starting to go well for you and your family. I hope that it continues down this path and that at the end of this tunnel all of you will come out to a beautiful valley. My prayers are with you and your family.
	__________________ We're all beautiful butterflies for we have all struggled out of our cocoons.