Can This Family Be Saved?

[Evanna]

Wow! Sounds like you are all making real break throughs there. I felt real proud of Alex and of you all reading your latest post.

[Bozo]

Alex did something the other night that so impressed me. His younger brother took something from Alex's room without asking.

Alex started to flip out and go after his brother.

He had his fist raised to pound his brother on the back.

All I said was, Alex!

And he somehow stopped and lowered his fist.

Do you realize what a huge breakthrough that is for him? In that instant somehow he was able to come up with a second solution instead of the tunnel vision that hurts him.

I told him that was a huge step towards growing up and becoming accountable for his actions.

However he continues to be very negative towards my wife. Lashing out at her for several minutes. And then apologizing.

I try to tell my wife to detach and not take it personally, but she still does.

[minnie]

That is progress from Alex. Give him a hug from me.

Shame that your wife doesn't quite get the correlation between him behaving badly and her reacting to it. It's that reaction that he's looking for, I'll bet. I can't even begin to know how hard it must be for your wife, so I'm not judging her at all.

Keep your chin up - seems like progress is being made.

[Bozo]

We just received a 20 page report from the neurologist. After I read it I will post any updates or highlights that jump out at me.

Alex has had two terrific weeks in a row with no meltdowns whatsoever.

The one on one counseling with this woman Mary seems to be making tremendous strides.

He does not even have to take the Concerta anymore and does not seem to be getting as tired as he used to be.

Keep your fingers crossed. Mike

[Evanna]

If they werent so pudgy i would be crossing my toes for you too Mike. Although it sounds to me like you aint gonna need my fingers or toes on this one. I am so pleased to learn that it is going so well. You and Alex are in my thoughts often.

Warmest wishes
Evanna.

[Bozo]

Today was not a good day. Alex's 6th grade teacher wants to meet with us because Alex is "slipping" and displaying a lot of his old behaviors.

The music teacher talked to my wife about Alex being distracted. While all the other drummers are focusing, he is looking out the window.

My wife needed some time to herself tonight because she has been crying all afternoon.

In a nutshell, we are basically back to square one. After all the testing, counseling, etc, etc, nothing has changed.

Well one thing has changed. He was taken off his Concerta a month ago and we have phone calls in to his counselor and psychiatrist.

He just antagonized my wife to the point where she exploded and told him to get the ef out of her room. He wont stop. He is making monkey noises and taunting her.

I have remained calm during this and keep asking him what is wrong? Why do you crave so much negative attention?

And then I get negative because he refuses to respond to me. I'll say things like what is wrong with you, are you mental? You are driving both of us crazy!

I know none of me negative comments help but once again we are at our wits end. After everything has been said and done, it now looks like HE DOES HAVE ADD!

We have researched it intensely and everything we see, hear and read points to ADD.

He will be going back on the Concerta asap I believe.

What the hell kind of life is this for all of us? For Gods sake he is going in 7th grade next year and he is displaying toddler like behavior in front of us.

God please help us, I dont know what to do anymore.

I"m on the verge of tears myself...............

[Cap3]

Hey Bozo,sorry to hear that your having such a hard time with your lad.You say that he was looking out the window,as the others were being focused.When i first read this,i thought about all the great successful men,ive read about,and hear them in interviews,that they too did the same thing.That school,was boring to them.Sitting down in a class-room,when they wanted to get up and do something.Anything but sit down for hours.One of my son.s,.he"d finish his work quicker,than the rest.Then he was bored,and started to throw rubbers at all the other kids in the class.If he was bored with a lesson,he'd do the same,throw rubbers at others.Not everyone can fit into the ...box...that we have for everyone.Some need more stimulante.More action.Intersting stuff.But cant be like the "others"...Do kids/people have mental issues because they dont fit into the box?It has taken him,11 years to learn how to push your and your wifes buttons.He will also take time for him to learn,that it no longer works for him.You wife exployed.He got results,,it worked.Why does he want negitive results?Ask him.When someone is doing what they love to do,like reading,painting,going fishing,etc,,and are busy,they wont want negitive results.They are to busy doing something that they are intersted in.Even if their attention span is short,they can do something else.What ive learned as a parent,is not to compare my lads to others kids.I use to,but eventually stoped.Id see those quiet kids,in class,or elsewheres and say to myself,if only mine were like them.Even just for 10 minutes..lol..Having a sence of humor helps.I just stoped and got to know who my lads are.Who they are,not what others think that they should be.And worked with who they are.No longer giving the message to them,that there was something....wrong...with them...Because there wasnt.They just didnt fit into other peoples perspectives..They are grown men today.Living happy,effective lives,and still not like others...smile...They are themselves.Self-love,and spread this to others..Im sure,if they were young today and behaving like they use to when they were small,id have been given a host of lables put on them...But hey they are just kids,young,active,and inquistive.They tried to rule the roost,here in our home.Problem is that it never worked out for them.Doesnt mean that they didnt keep trying....Wait till the teen years come.Lord have mercy.....Be strong,and know that this too shall pass...
Thanks for letting me share with you Bozo,what works for this family.Now we are onto Grandkids....smile....My prayers for you and your family..Im only a parent,,im no expert....
God Bless,and take care!!!!!!!!

[carolm]

Hi Mike,

I'm very sorry about your son. I have taught children with ADD and ADHD, and I know the challenge they can be. I try hard to get them to trust me which usually works. They, bang, it all blows up in my face because these kids can be unpredictable. All I can say is almost every child I've had with this has been (underneath and sometimes right out front) is kind, very intelligent, and very worthy of love. But, as you know, this isn't easy. I'm their teacher, but you are the parent.

I can't imagine what you and your wife are going through. I am so very sorry. Please let me know how your son is doing.

Carol

[Bozo]

Judy, Carol for the replies. He had a great week now that he is back on the Concerta. I am just so afraid of drugs.............

[minnie]

Mike

I've been watching a bit of this series on TV and there seems to be some good info on the website. You've probably tried it all, but you never know...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/tv/tin...ys/index.shtml