HELP....AA Advice Needed

[yankeegirl13]

I have a question. Maybe someone with expereince could give me an answer. My XABF/Fiance' has been in AA for 5 months. Ever since he started AA he didn't really wnt anything to do with me. Stresses he is not ready for a relationship and just can't see me any more. Funny thing is we were back together when he entered the program. Anyway, I knew his sponsors first name but that was it. I just figured it was someone he just meet in the program. He made his sponsor sound like he was this great family man, who has been sober for a very long time. So I never really asked any questions about him. Come to find out, it is an old friend of his who he use to get high and drunk with. My question is is this the right move? Is it good to have a sponsor who you use to get high and drunk with. This guys hasn't been sober for that long either. The reason why I am asking this is because for the past 5 months I have been thinking he is not working the program the right way at all. I have been to several meetings (aa & Al-Non) just to see what this was all about b/c I was told that he was not working the program the right way. Now I think part of it has to do with his sponsor. Especially since the two time that I met him when I was with my X he dind't stop staring at me and was basically flirting. Any advice or thoughts????

[perbear]

Hi Yankeegirl I hear your concerns but you need to let him find his way in the program on his own. He may make mistakes along the way but hopefuly he will learn from them. Chances are he would not like hearing any advice from you and would only resent it. I think that for your own well being you may benefit going to alanon for yourself. Alcoholism is a family disease and it sounds like you have been affected by it. It is important for you to take care of yourself and heal. I don't usually give advice and this may not have been what you were looking for. I hope that things work out for yourself. Take care!

[Ann]

Yankeegirl, his recovery is ALL about him and has nothing to do with you, so the best thing I can suggest for you is to just keep working your Al-Anon program.

It sounds to me like he is making some good choices, and how his sponsor used to be has nothing to do with how he is today. Today your friend is sober, that's good enough for me to feel he is doing everything right.

If he doesn't want to be with you, accept that and heal. Life hurts sometimes, but it does go on, and you will find happiness again, I promise.

Hugs
Ann

[KelKel]

Hi
My last sponsor had less than a year sober when I asked her to be my sponsor... she helped me tremendously and we understood eachothers journey.
There are many possibilities in recovery programs like AA, just as there are in life.