I think it's over........ - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

2stop · 06-16-2005, 03:55 PM

I think my marriage is over....my husband is not acting right.
I was ordered out of the house last night, my clothes threw down the steps.called every name in the book.........last week he raised his hand to hit me....in front of my kids..and basically told them they were lying..he did NOT raise his hand to me...........it is insane.............I need to figure out to support myself...and leave...........I have never feared him before.....now I have a horrible knot in my stomach all the time..........that he will really lose control.

i question myself alot now though..am I the crazy one? am I as bad as he says I am?? Deep down I know I am not.........I AM a good mother, a good wife, a hard worker...........I live in a lot of pain, my husband hate that I cannot work right now.............I am told in spend too much on groceries, or how he "has to slave away for his family"
I need to do something about this.........................I feel kinda numb.......like it's not really happening...................like I worked so hard on my life.............for this one here with my husband and family to end......he told me he would destroy me..........even if he had to make up things like.."I am drug seeking.............he tells me constantly how I would pass out if I had to work his job.................sometimes he gets really irrational..we could be talking about the weather.he will look at me and say "look how easily you lie"

... he just called me to fight again................................I told we can discuss this rationally when he gets home...or not at all.............he went off on me.then hung up.

Just somebody...anybody who has had to walk away and been unable to work, been sick..and still managed to do it..please offer me some advice.........I won't raise my kids in this..........my son is at a camp this week, my daughter is with her gramma right now..............last night he told me he didn't want my psycho a$$ raising the kids anyways..so just get out.screaming in my ear.threatening to call the cops........then freaking out when my daughter went to dial the phone..thought she was calling the cops........I can't have my kids in this............any advice appreciated...
I have been doing better I thought..............getting stronger......but am I? I don't know.deep down a little voice says.Tammie you are stronger than this!! YOU are not in the wrong...............you are not crazy!

but then the other thoughts hit..........maybe I am just so crazy and such a bad person I wouldn't know the difference............

...and then I think..he feels threatened that I am getting slowly stronger, starting to build a foundation under my feet.........somehow it threatens him..but why? If he is afraid I will leave.he is right..I will leave.I just don't know how..........

"

Paulie · 06-16-2005, 04:06 PM

I don't have any advice Tammie, but I will pray for you. I am sorry you are going through this.

**Ann** · 06-16-2005, 04:09 PM

Tammie

It sounds to me like he is the one out of control. If you fear he will become physically violent, and it sounds like he is very close, then the safest place to be is anywhere away from him. And what he says to you is also abuse, emotional abuse can be as painful as physical.

I'd suggest getting some legal advice, just so you know where you stand financially, and then do what is best for you and your children and don't feel guilty.

Sending hugs and prayers that you stay safe regardless of what you choose.

Hugs
Ann

Chy · 06-16-2005, 05:18 PM

(((Tam))) I don't know what to say either. Maybe you both can try marital counseling? I'm sorry your going through this, you HAVE come so far. I'll be saying prayers to!

Beautiful · 06-20-2005, 05:25 PM

You question yourself because, as long as he can make *you* the sick one then he doesn't have to look his own pitiful self in the mirror and see the disaster he's created. Move on -- in whatever form that takes. Just know that his sickness is HIS -- and HIS alone.

ButterflyChaser · 06-24-2005, 01:09 PM

I think the answer will come to you from within, in due time! ONLY YOU know what to do! and you'll do it when it's time! Other than that....I am soooooooooooooooo sorry you are going thru this & your kids too! ((((((((((((((((((Tammie))))))))))))))))))) I'm w/you in thought! I promise, & if you need to pm me! Love you girl!
PS...whatever choice you make, you'll make the right one, You are a VERY strong person!

Rho · 06-26-2005, 02:01 AM

Hugs and prayers to you, I do not have any suggestions, but I feel for you!

Ro

Confused38 · 07-03-2005, 08:26 AM

It sounds as though your husband is doing the "crazymaking" thing to you. It's common in abusive households. I went through it ... my ex would say threatening things to me or do things to me, and then deny it. It's quite common when you begin talking to other abused women ... almost every abuser I've heard about has accused his/her victim of being the crazy one. And in this type of situation, which is a control issue, the abuser uses the best leverage they have against the victim, which is almost always the children:

[..............last night he told me he didn't want my psycho a$$ raising the kids anyways..so just get out.screaming in my ear.threatening to call the cops........]

If you do seek marital counseling, just be careful. I've heard that, in many cases, the counselor will take the abuser's side ... probably because the abuser is in a more powerful position and is probably more convincing, while the victim has been subject to his/her "crazymaking" and believes himself/herself to be insane.

If you're not already in counseling, get counseling for yourself first. Go to a battered women's shelter ... they usually offer counseling and group sessions to help you deal with these types of matters and you would be surprised by how common your situation is. It really is! Some of them offer off-site sessions for women who are not yet ready to leave or who choose not to stay at the shelter.

Good luck to you.

Josie · 07-05-2005, 12:46 AM

Hi Tammmie,

I was thinking a Battered women's shelter too.
I do believe certain shelters help you get on your feet and you can apply for assistance and get a little place
for you and the kids.

Praying for you.

06-16-2005, 03:55 PM	#1 (permalink)
2stop ~Author of My Life~ Join Date: May 2003 Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't.... Posts: 4,666	I think it's over........ I think my marriage is over....my husband is not acting right. I was ordered out of the house last night, my clothes threw down the steps.called every name in the book.........last week he raised his hand to hit me....in front of my kids..and basically told them they were lying..he did NOT raise his hand to me...........it is insane.............I need to figure out to support myself...and leave...........I have never feared him before.....now I have a horrible knot in my stomach all the time..........that he will really lose control. i question myself alot now though..am I the crazy one? am I as bad as he says I am?? Deep down I know I am not.........I AM a good mother, a good wife, a hard worker...........I live in a lot of pain, my husband hate that I cannot work right now.............I am told in spend too much on groceries, or how he "has to slave away for his family" I need to do something about this.........................I feel kinda numb.......like it's not really happening...................like I worked so hard on my life.............for this one here with my husband and family to end......he told me he would destroy me..........even if he had to make up things like.."I am drug seeking.............he tells me constantly how I would pass out if I had to work his job.................sometimes he gets really irrational..we could be talking about the weather.he will look at me and say "look how easily you lie" ... he just called me to fight again................................I told we can discuss this rationally when he gets home...or not at all.............he went off on me.then hung up. Just somebody...anybody who has had to walk away and been unable to work, been sick..and still managed to do it..please offer me some advice.........I won't raise my kids in this..........my son is at a camp this week, my daughter is with her gramma right now..............last night he told me he didn't want my psycho a$$ raising the kids anyways..so just get out.screaming in my ear.threatening to call the cops........then freaking out when my daughter went to dial the phone..thought she was calling the cops........I can't have my kids in this............any advice appreciated... I have been doing better I thought..............getting stronger......but am I? I don't know.deep down a little voice says.Tammie you are stronger than this!! YOU are not in the wrong...............you are not crazy! but then the other thoughts hit..........maybe I am just so crazy and such a bad person I wouldn't know the difference............ ...and then I think..he feels threatened that I am getting slowly stronger, starting to build a foundation under my feet.........somehow it threatens him..but why? If he is afraid I will leave.he is right..I will leave.I just don't know how.......... " __________________ Many Hugs and Hope too, Tammie "Think of all the beauty still left around you and BE HAPPY." ~Anne Frank~ "Things do not change, WE change." ~Henry David Thoreau~

06-16-2005, 04:06 PM	#2 (permalink)
Paulie It is what it is!!! Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Sobriety Posts: 5,519	I don't have any advice Tammie, but I will pray for you. I am sorry you are going through this. __________________ I know more about how to live than I did yesterday, but not as much as I'll know tomorrow. Today, Ill learn something new~JFT, 1/27/06 The difference between a good day and a bad day, is about 2 days~Ann of SR

06-16-2005, 04:09 PM	#3 (permalink)
Ann Sharing Our Light Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: By The Lake Posts: 15,028	Tammie It sounds to me like he is the one out of control. If you fear he will become physically violent, and it sounds like he is very close, then the safest place to be is anywhere away from him. And what he says to you is also abuse, emotional abuse can be as painful as physical. I'd suggest getting some legal advice, just so you know where you stand financially, and then do what is best for you and your children and don't feel guilty. Sending hugs and prayers that you stay safe regardless of what you choose. Hugs Ann __________________ Somewhere between the gator swamp and the Taj Mahal there is a path, it may be hidden, overgrown or may blend in with the other surroundings, but it is there, it's your path and it is calling you.~Frankly~

06-24-2005, 01:09 PM	#6 (permalink)
ButterflyChaser Meow! Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Somewhere Over the Rainbow Posts: 1,023	I think the answer will come to you from within, in due time! ONLY YOU know what to do! and you'll do it when it's time! Other than that....I am soooooooooooooooo sorry you are going thru this & your kids too! ((((((((((((((((((Tammie))))))))))))))))))) I'm w/you in thought! I promise, & if you need to pm me! Love you girl! PS...whatever choice you make, you'll make the right one, You are a VERY strong person! __________________ "If a Child feels Safe, Wanted & Loved, You are a Successful Parent!" ~~"A relationship is like sand in your hand. If held loosely in the palm of your hand it stays there, but as soon as you close your hand tightly it slips through your fingers!!~~

07-05-2005, 12:46 AM	#9 (permalink)
Josie Grace Under Fire Join Date: May 2002 Location: Another world Posts: 543	Hi Tammmie, I was thinking a Battered women's shelter too. I do believe certain shelters help you get on your feet and you can apply for assistance and get a little place for you and the kids. Praying for you. __________________ Josie

06-16-2005, 05:18 PM	#4 (permalink)
Chy Member Join Date: May 2003 Location: El Paso, Tx Posts: 5,886	(((Tam))) I don't know what to say either. Maybe you both can try marital counseling? I'm sorry your going through this, you HAVE come so far. I'll be saying prayers to!

06-20-2005, 05:25 PM	#5 (permalink)
Beautiful Member Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: USA Posts: 350	You question yourself because, as long as he can make you the sick one then he doesn't have to look his own pitiful self in the mirror and see the disaster he's created. Move on -- in whatever form that takes. Just know that his sickness is HIS -- and HIS alone.

06-26-2005, 02:01 AM	#7 (permalink)
Rho JstBcuz Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Long Island, NY Posts: 83	Hugs and prayers to you, I do not have any suggestions, but I feel for you! Ro

07-03-2005, 08:26 AM	#8 (permalink)
Confused38 Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Circleville, Ohio Posts: 7	It sounds as though your husband is doing the "crazymaking" thing to you. It's common in abusive households. I went through it ... my ex would say threatening things to me or do things to me, and then deny it. It's quite common when you begin talking to other abused women ... almost every abuser I've heard about has accused his/her victim of being the crazy one. And in this type of situation, which is a control issue, the abuser uses the best leverage they have against the victim, which is almost always the children: [..............last night he told me he didn't want my psycho a$$ raising the kids anyways..so just get out.screaming in my ear.threatening to call the cops........] If you do seek marital counseling, just be careful. I've heard that, in many cases, the counselor will take the abuser's side ... probably because the abuser is in a more powerful position and is probably more convincing, while the victim has been subject to his/her "crazymaking" and believes himself/herself to be insane. If you're not already in counseling, get counseling for yourself first. Go to a battered women's shelter ... they usually offer counseling and group sessions to help you deal with these types of matters and you would be surprised by how common your situation is. It really is! Some of them offer off-site sessions for women who are not yet ready to leave or who choose not to stay at the shelter. Good luck to you.

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