Is this pretty typical of a recovering alcoholic??

[luvbug2005]

I have been back and forth in my long distance relationship with a recovering alcoholic and the more this goes on (6 months now) the more I question how well (if at all) I really knew him.
For the record, I wrote him a letter ending it but I am still struggling to try and understand the behaviour and the rejection I have felt over it. He has been sober for a little over a year and was in AA but has not been to a meeting since moving. He recently moved to another state took a very high stress job. We were best friends and normally talked every night and emailed eachother throughout the day. I knew this would change a little because of his job but what I did not expect was a complete withdrawl from me. I was supposed to come visit him one weekend and he said he had to work which I believe then I didnt' hear from him all week. I became worried, trying to reach him by phone and finally got him to answer it. He says that he normally goes into a "cocoon" during transitional periods in his life and that he doesn't want to talk to anyone unless they can solve his issues at the time. He admitted it wasn't a good excuse but that's how he is. He told me not to shut the door on what we had and that hopefully work would die down soon. He'll tell me he's going to call and won't then won't even answer his phone for days..only respond to my occasional email or text message. After two weeks of wondering why he can hurt me like this and completely shut me out..I typed him a letter and ended it. I myself was going through a difficult time that first week because I was with out my son (who was on vacation with his dad) for the first time, so I was hurt that he didn't even seem to care or notice anything beyond himself. Is this normal behaviour of a recovering alcoholic during times of stress?? He was working the program but his sponsor had urged him to do steps 4 and 5 prior to moving. Thanks for any insight.

[bikerprincess]

Luvbug....
If he has moved, doesn't go to meetings, hasn't done a 4th and 5th step and is isolating....sounds to me he is walking on thin ice.

However....it also sounds to me like you are more worried about him than you are yourself, which is common among people who get involved with alcoholics and I would suggest an alanon meeting.
What matters is you, and your life.


Best of wishes,
Anne

[robina]

Hi Luvbug -

You should read the book:
"He's Just not that into You" by Greg Behrendt

This relationship book should be required reading for all females from the ages of 14 - 84. It changed the way I look at relationships. I wish I could have read it twenty years ago. It will set you free from rotten relationships - sober or otherwise.

Robin

PS - you can read a free excerpt here

http://www.usatoday.com/life/books/...-hes-just_x.htm

[luvbug2005]

Your post made me laugh. I have heard all about this book however I haven't gotten it because of the overwhelming number of men I have heard say that it is not very accurate.
I know what it's about, however when you are getting mixed signals from someone it makes it hard to decide what to do.