Has anybody ever left their spouse/significant other

[VeryAngry]

Because of a drug addiction and came to realize you made a mistake? This happened to me and I was just wondering if it was possible my AH will realize he made a HUGE MISTAKE; maybe not soon but one of these days.
I really am trying to get over him and I find coming here and to the Naranon site helps me. I think it really helps talking to people who have been in mine/his situation.

Thank you
Traci

[tyler]

I wonder sometimes if it was a mistake. We still love each other and I hope to one day get back together, but I think it was necessary for both of us at the time for a number of reasons. I love this woman with all my heart and really have no desire to be with anyone else, even though when I was using I cheated on her. She is the mother of my son and hopefully someday things will work out. I guess they will work out one way or the other and I think whatever happens will be for the best. This answer probably didn't help much!! Best I could come up with. Take care.

[Gabe]

Traci, nobody has a crystal ball. We can't know how the future is going to unfold. All we can do is deal with the present and make our choices based on what is going on there.
Maybe he will get clean and realize that he's made many mistakes.
Maybe he won't.
You'll find out one way or the other as time goes by and then you can decide where to go from there.

[findinganewme]

Originally Posted by VeryAngry

Because of a drug addiction and came to realize you made a mistake? This happened to me and I was just wondering if it was possible my AH will realize he made a HUGE MISTAKE; maybe not soon but one of these days.
I really am trying to get over him and I find coming here and to the Naranon site helps me. I think it really helps talking to people who have been in mine/his situation.

Thank you
Traci

Traci!

I left my lover of 3 years just 6 months ago. I can understand and relate to your pain ..... GOD HOW I CAN TRULY TRULY FEEL WHAT YOU'RE GOING THRU!

I've lived the last six months in ISOLATION ..... afraid to go out. Mainly because of fear of running into him.

I still love him dearly!!!!!

However, having said that though ...... it wasn't until I hooked up with him that I started my addictions. I am NOT blaming him, mind you ..... but facts are facts. I've heard through friends that he still is drinking heavily. SOOOOO, I swore I was NEVER going to put myself through that again. I would worry ..... and still do ..... about his battles with alcohol ..... and there are days that it consumes me.

Two days ago, out of the blue ..... after 6 months of turmoil, heartache, sleepless nights, hysterics, thinking I was dying without him ..... I decided to visit him. GOD IT WAS SO GOOD TO SEE HIM! I was shaking like a leaf as I rang the door bell. I was even afraid he'd turn me away. Instead we were both very glad to see each other.

I don't/can't return to him or that could be truly truly deadly for me. I'll always love him .... but he will never change and I HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT! BUT, I don't want to go down the tubes with him~!

So, at least I now have closure and we will remain friends, but that is it. Would I love more? HELL YES! BUT, we both have different desires and needs and it just isn't meant to be.

I have only been addicted for 3 years ..... he's going on over 20. I must be REAL and know that he will NEVER give it up! I could have died the night we broke up. I DON'T WANT THAT FOR ME ..... or my girls!

WE MUST THINK OF OURSELVES!

Don't know if I've helped!

Sorry for your pain~!

Much love,
Maria

[VeryAngry]

My AH is a Crack Addict; he admitted to me that he has pretty much been doing it throughout our whole relationship (9yrs) and I had NO CLUE!! I didn't find out until almost 2yrs ago and believe me I have been through hell; he actually got worse after he came clean with me and his family but I stood by him, tried to help him; I bent over backwards to try to make this marriage work and then about 7 weeks ago I was away for a week and within the first 2 days I was gone he took my tv, both of my vcr's, my cordless phone and my computer and sold them all for Crack; AND THEN the day before I was to come back home he told me he met somebody and he moved in with her. That lasted not even 2 weeks and then he got a place of his own. I found out this past Monday that he's back with her now; I feel like I am going through this all over again. I have been told this girl is a Meth Addict; not sure if it's true or not but lets just assume she is. He tore my heart out and I just want him to some day realize he made a big mistake and...I don't know
I do know that he blames me for the reason he got into Crack so bad, he says I am the reason he was so unhappy in our marriage.
I wonder what makes this other girl so much better than me.

[minnie]

VA

Yes, I left my alcoholic fiance in December. I just couldn't take any more lies and promises that he wasn't going to keep.

He continues to this day to proclaim his undying love for me. The way he shows that is by joining an on-line dating site, taking one of these women on holiday to the same place we have been for the past 3 years (you know, a special place), continuing to drink, offloading all his frustrations on me etc etc etc. I was his one true love, according to him. But that's where he gets things arse about tit. Alcohol is his one true love.

The other girl is not better than you. No way. If she is a meth addict, then it is simply a case of birds of a feather flocking together. And no-one got him into his predicament other than him. If he was so unhappy, then he could have simply left. He didn't need to take Crack to prove a point, for goodness sake.

You are worth so much more than this.

I've just realised that you weren't addressing the question at non-addicts like me. My points still stand, though.
Love

Minnie
xxx

[splendra]

(((VA)))))

I know you probably do not want to hear this but, your H is suffering and that is why he does dope. Maybe oneday he will wake up and come to you and appolgize. But, it is not a good idea for you to dwell on wondering if he will realize how good he had it with you. Right now you have yourself to think about and one day you may be very glad that he is gone...I hope it is soon.

[CodeMaster]

She broke up with me, she wanted to remain close friends and said it was temporary, we tried, but even as friends, all the hurt that comes with any just recoverying or still addict was still there and it actually got worst when she stayed sober for first 4 months, I know this is normal but it was the last straw cause it got so bad. I left in the sense I told her that last hurt was so full of bullshit and not to contact me again, even when she hurted me, she kept trying to turn it around as if I'm evil for telling her my feelings were hurt. I could go on but I have no doubt everyone understands so I will skip the bashing.

Ever since then though, sanity, confidence and energy has risen in me at such a great level at the time of my downfall , I could never imagine I could reach this point. I have no desire to go back down to the sewers or even talk to her anymore, I feel as though I am free, or somehow RELEASED of this disease, this family disease and I cant tell you how awesome I've become since I've been medicating a great deal of self care.

From health , dental, working out, cleaning bike / home, finances taken cared of, everything which I stopped doing all cause I became sick in trying to care for the exA.

Since then, the blessings in my life would be too much to list but I can only say I wake up with joy in my heart and its as if I take drugs but I dont and yet I have this constant buzz in my heart and I laugh and joke with everyone and I've attracted so much better girls then my ex both looks and heart as they are NORMAL and not consumed by SELF or ADDICTION.

She has made a mistake, I am certain she knows it, but I really dont care at this point, cause she left me and my father considers this a blessing because he says how much guilt my heart would be filled with if you left a person after you found out they had a disease. It is her who left you, it is a blessing, take this opportunity and change your life around, you have no idea what your true potential is, you've been sick. And trust me, since I've listened to every word he's said, I really didnt know my true potential, and my friends have slapped me on back of my head saying they kept trying to get this through my head since the beginning!

Best wishes to you alll always

[CodeMaster]

Oh, not to mention, I quit smoking in a fingersnap. My exA brought it with her and I smoked with her for last 2.5 years, she left, and so shall the nasty ass smoking. Dont miss it, and its never been this easy to quit smoking in all the times I've tried to quit, I dont miss it, I dont even feel weak when I stand by smokers cause all I think about is how messed up my A got and why people smoke in the ifrst place and I nearly want to throw up thinking of smoking again

[Petra]

All I can say is let time pass. I had my AH leave it will be 3 weeks now. He too is addicted to crack and can't stop. He is also addicted to methadone, oxycontin, alcohol and the list goes on. He hates me and has told me he has put me out of his mind. Actually he is drugging me right out of his mind. I am doing ok one day at a time and I do wonder if he will ever realize what he has lost. I do have peace because I do not live with all the craziness that goes on with the disease...all the awful habits and being treated like an object and so on......I pray for his recovery, I come to these sights, I go to counseling and have fun with my children, grandchildren and friends. I know I am going to be ok and I know I will probably always love him. But don't wait 35 years to take care of yourself because you are important. Get the book The Language of Letting Go and read May 24...I hope I helped some

Hugs and prayers go out to you

[VeryAngry]

At this point in time I really feel that him being with somebody else or I guess you can say leaving me for somebody else is what is really hurting right now. I try not to think about them 2 together but I can't help it; I have no clue what this girl looks like but I picture her being this drop dead gorgeous METH *****!! I do not know how to stop doing this to myself. I totally believe the saying "What goes around comes around"; I think he'll get what he has coming to him eventually!!

[foreshadow]

Originally Posted by CodeMaster

She broke up with me, she wanted to remain close friends and said it was temporary, we tried, but even as friends, all the hurt that comes with any just recoverying or still addict was still there and it actually got worst when she stayed sober for first 4 months, I know this is normal but it was the last straw cause it got so bad. I left in the sense I told her that last hurt was so full of bullshit and not to contact me again, even when she hurted me, she kept trying to turn it around as if I'm evil for telling her my feelings were hurt. I could go on but I have no doubt everyone understands so I will skip the bashing.

Ever since then though, sanity, confidence and energy has risen in me at such a great level at the time of my downfall , I could never imagine I could reach this point. I have no desire to go back down to the sewers or even talk to her anymore, I feel as though I am free, or somehow RELEASED of this disease, this family disease and I cant tell you how awesome I've become since I've been medicating a great deal of self care.

From health , dental, working out, cleaning bike / home, finances taken cared of, everything which I stopped doing all cause I became sick in trying to care for the exA.

Since then, the blessings in my life would be too much to list but I can only say I wake up with joy in my heart and its as if I take drugs but I dont and yet I have this constant buzz in my heart and I laugh and joke with everyone and I've attracted so much better girls then my ex both looks and heart as they are NORMAL and not consumed by SELF or ADDICTION.

She has made a mistake, I am certain she knows it, but I really dont care at this point, cause she left me and my father considers this a blessing because he says how much guilt my heart would be filled with if you left a person after you found out they had a disease. It is her who left you, it is a blessing, take this opportunity and change your life around, you have no idea what your true potential is, you've been sick. And trust me, since I've listened to every word he's said, I really didnt know my true potential, and my friends have slapped me on back of my head saying they kept trying to get this through my head since the beginning!

Best wishes to you alll always

Codemaster I appreciate this post because it's exactly what I'm going through so far. I've felt that release on small occasions. I've tasted it. My gf left me for drugs and it should be a blessing just like you said. My parents and friends have tried so hard to make me understand and I'm finally starting to.
You are an inspiration and for that I thank you.

[michski]

((((Very Angry))))), If you had the meth he'd still be living with you... it's really as simple as that.

It's so very painful to realize you've been traded in for a constant supply of some sort of rush, but it's the truth. It's what makes addiction such a terrible curse... wives, lovers, mothers and fathers have no choice but to either consider themselves lucky to be in 2nd place (or worse) in the addict's life or get the hell out while they still are reasonably sane.
Good luck to you and I sincerely hope you can begin the healing process.. there's so many people here who have walked in your mocassins and I'm sure you'll get a lot of help here.

Yours in sobriety,
Michele

[SexySadie]

These are all so true...so true.
I had SO leave for the night. Instead he moved in with a complete stranger and has now been involved with her for two weeks. He's left his stuff here, tells me he loves me, denies the relationship with her, but that he has peace of mind there (he's able to drink beer there and she will support them both) and that I need to find my happiness. I have to rise above all this. Find the strength...sometimes love is not enough.

[Tink]

Michski is right, and as far as the meth gf being drop dead gorgeous, highly unlikely, have you actually seen what meth does to people's looks, google meth and see what beautiful people turn out to look like. Unfortunately my fiancee's doc is meth, and when he is on a run he is anything but gorgeous, it is so sickening what the drug takes from beautiful people, not only the inside does it make ransid, it steals there looks and their life too

[Yoguina]

hey Veryangry, give it up!!! is he that DROP DEAG GORGEOUS TOO??? you said that
he met someone that uses too...well, they belong together and you need to go your
merry way....Live life without your crack head A around you...fullfill your dreams and
let him be the looser...sure he has to blame you for his habbit, he couldn't admit that
he started it because he wanted to...you didn't bring him the stuff nor did you take
him to it, nor did you find him the dealer....solet him talk, it means nothing to you,
move on!!! crack heads need to be with crack heads, understand this???? there are
many many nicer men in this planet that may want to hook up with you, the one
drug free. Take time and smell the roses, don't give up on yourself...be good to
yourself and say ' I AM BETTER AND DESERVE BETTER' and don't dwell, sulk or ever
take a step backward, move forward life is good!!!

[Cutty]

Dear Very Angry....I left my AH after 24 years of marriage......and have never regretted it for one moment. I realized after about 5 years of marriage that I had made a mistake ...but by that time I two children and a mortgage that I couldn't afford on my own. Thank your lucky stars that you got out when you did. He deserves whatever he gets! Try to get past the anger....it will eat you alive if you don't let it go. You deserve better.... in time you will get over him...concentrate on you...not him.

[mizeeyore]

Very Angry,
I walked out the door with my 21/2 year old daughter in a stroller with the clothes on my back and called the cops to take me to a shelter. He was on something, I don't know what, but he was going to kill me. See, the one-time love of my life had decided that he needed drugs and his "lifestyle choices" much, much more than he needed me in his life. Oh, and he was going to take our daughter and raise her right, too. Well, it's ten years later, and his "lifestyle choice" has gotten him two felonies, jobless, a string of girlfriends to support him, and a daughter that can't stand him. The hardest thing for me to realize out of this whole mess is that not only did he reject me for the drugs, but he's now rejected his daughter. See, making child support payments interfered with his "lifestyle", and now the state is after him so he's had to practically go into hiding. The people who make these choices are not, at the time they make them, capable of love. It wouldn't matter if I was absolutely perfect, I knew I couldn't compete with that drug. The day I realized I didn't want to compete with it was the day I was able to let it go. Living with somebody like that tore up my self-esteem so badly that I didn't know that it wasn't me that was not enough for him. When I started to take care of my daughter and enforce her rights as a human being on the planet, I realized I had those rights too. And he has the rights to his lifestyle, just not to inflict it on me or his daughter.

[H-Ellenback]

The people who make these choices are not, at the time they make them, capable of love. It wouldn't matter if I was absolutely perfect, I knew I couldn't compete with that drug. The day I realized I didn't want to compete with it was the day I was able to let it go. Living with somebody like that tore up my self-esteem so badly that I didn't know that it wasn't me that was not enough for him.

Thank you, Miz - exactly right, and cuts me to the core.