Help AFTER they get sober??

[harleygirl92156]

Are there any good websites that talk about how to deal with issues AFTER the alcoholic gets sober? There is a lot of stuff out there about how to get them sober but I can find little about dealing with them and your relationship AFTER they get sober.
When they are drinking you think if they would just get sober everything would be great and your life would be wonderful....HA....that is a real false way of thinking. Does anyone have any suggestions?

[Time2Surrender]

Have you tried Al-Anon meetings?

[harleygirl92156]

Yes, I go to three meetings a week and have read the material they have available and recommend. I am a reader and like to gather all the info I can to better understand things. It is just how I work through things. Just looking for more information if there is any available.
I also do the Al anon meetings online while hubby is at AA meetings that do not hava Al anon meetings at the same time, so have that part covered well.
I am also in an after care program for family members where he went to treatment and they have provided a wealth of information that I have read.
Just looking for more, especially online, if there is anything that someone would like to recommend.
Thanks

[kumquat]

God, post when you find some info. I'm in the same boat, except the ex (whom I care very deeply for) has detoxed from a 5yr stint with pain meds after finally getting surgery. We didn't become exes until AFTER she got off (1 month ago) and prior to surgery we were the most loving couple. I dont know what to do and am at a loss. I'm sorry to hijack this thread if I have, but anything that can be found would be helpful. She is bipolar (rapid), also. I thought maybe it was a combo of all this stuff and any suggestions would be helpful. For example, can you help and check on someone to much that is biopolar (making sure they know they are loved)??? Should I just dissapear and let her know what life is like without the one person who would try and give her the world... then I worry something aweful might happen. Stuck in a hard place, guess. Let me know what you find, harleygirl..... letting go is to hard, she in a way is a romance that should of been over 12 years ago but lost contact when I joined the military.

[knottedup]

My husband was sober for 3 years (recently relapsed). When he first got sober it was awful because it shifted my role in the household. I was always having to take care of EVERYTHING and suddenly I had to learn to let him do things himself. There was also a trust issue.

I have learned that he had not grown emotionally when he was drinking--I had to learn to deal with a 15 yr old in an adult body. It took a lot of time and patience. He didn't know why I was the way I was. I think I had a hate for him for all of the pain, sadness, and because I had let him take over my life--I lost the person I once was.

One thing you can do is go to counceling. It really makes a difference if you have a safe place to express your feelings. I'm sure I could write a book about the injustice I felt had been done. Fortunately, my H was patient with me.

You also should try to keep the lines of communication open. Try to create a relationship where he can say, "honey, I've had a hard day and I really feel like drinking," without you taking it personally. Listen, rather than hear. Also, you should be able to say, "I'm nervous when you do xyz because when you were drinking..."
Remember his booze bubble has recently burst and he may not realize the effects of his behavior.

Hopefully this helps.