i'm acoa/hes AA/acoa.

[tasmin]

hi guys,

just wondering if any of you guys have had this problem.

we have a 7.yo son who in a soccer club, hes pretty good and his team are second in the leaugh.

my problem is that when my sons team are playing some of the parents, including my hubby shout from the sidelines like they were at a preimership match.

yesterday i got so annoyed with my hubby for screaming from the sidelines at our son saying" for god sake will you get up to the top of the pitch"

this is mild in comparision to what i have heard the other parents say to their kids....even when the kids are doing well.

i dont know if its me being a sencitive acoa or if its my instincts telling me that this is wrong.

both me and my hubby are on a 12 step program, i'm 4 months in recovery, hes 25 years in recovery

i have approched my hubby about this and he says " i'm just showing him where to go on the pitch, cause it will damage his confidence if the team loses"

but i think screaming at the kids to do this, do that, is unhealthy and putting presure on inpressionable 7 y.o kids.

i know my hubby is very competitive, and i'm wondering if its this compititivness thats driving my hubby to screaming *support* at the team

what you all think?

am i just being too sencitive?

or should i be concerned.

tasmin

[minnie]

Funny you should mention this. I read this in the paper today
http://observer.guardian.co.uk/uk_ne...401677,00.html

Seems like it might be a bigger problem than just with those with alcohol problems.

I'm with you - encouragement is best.

Love

Minnie
xxx

p.s. I used to live in Dublin, just north of Bray. Still miss it and I left in 1989.

[tasmin]

hi minnie,

thanks for replying,

this has been doing my head in, and i wasnt sure if i was just being oversensitive.

i've had another chat with my hubby about this and hes agreed to shout support, not abuse at the kids.

i'm going to show him the piece from the newspaper that you sent me, just to reinforce in his head just how wrong this is.

minnie i live on the northside of dublin too...

whereabouts on the northside did you live?

is it much different from where you are now?

all the best, tasmin

[Tiro]

Our body language and tone of voice sometimes tell our kids more than our words.

If dad is shouting at junior at the soccer match for the wrong reasons he will know it.

Children remember what we do long after they forget what we said.

If Junior is happy to have dad shouting support at him from the sidelines then shout until you are hoarse just let the kid know that win, lose or draw he has your approval.

[tasmin]

hi trio,
just wanted to say thanks for replying.

thats so true about kids remembering what their parents say/do long after the act...i know from my own expereiance of this.

what my parents said and did affected me so much that i felt very uncomfortable doing what i always wanted to do...to be a singer!
eventually i gave up, because i could always hear the words they said

" your good but not good enough"

and would you believe when i was in the band for 3 years my parents used me like a thropy kid.... then i was" oh thats my daughter" or " shes a singer you know, doing very well for herself"

i used to feel like screaming at them

" why the hell didnt you tell me that when i went to looking to be told i was very good singer"

i think were singing is concerned i will always be that 9 y.o kid, being told i was no good, even though i have a pretty good voice

thats why i was so worried about this, i didnt want my hubby doing the same thing to our son....knocking the confidence outta him.

even though he wouldnt do this delibrately, he loves our son, but like me he has messed up thinking

sorry for rattling on....

i have a tendency to start typing and forget to stop lol

all the best,
tasmin

[Peter]

Originally Posted by tasmin

i think were singing is concerned i will always be that 9 y.o kid, being told i was no good, even though i have a pretty good voice


tasmin

No tasmin you will not!

This is what we mean when we say we allow our past to dictate our life in the present.

Recovery from family dysfunction means we will always remember what happened to us but that we will no longer blame our elders or believe the untrue things they made us believe about ourselves.

[tasmin]

gosh peter,

No tasmin, you will not!

just those few words has given me hope.

lately i've been thinking of going back into the singing, but was a bit scared.

1. because of the above.
2. because i started thinking maybe i was too old... yikees did i just say that word ( OLD)

i'm 44 but dont look it, ppl normally think i'm about 25/29....this is what comes from not using drink,drugs,smoking....but in saying that the stress of having alcoholic parents is enough to age anyone lol.

all the best,
tasmin.

dont know why but i feel really cheerpy today.