wife wants to change jobs

[mksnewyork]

I am hoping that people can help me with some advice. I need to check-in and see if I am doing the right thing here or not. My wife has a home business which has a sporadic income. I work a salary job with pretty good pay. She is very hesitant to use household money (from my paycheck) to invest in her business for the upcoming year. We have had a difficult weekend trying to sort it out. She admits to liking her business a lot as it is very creative, yet her feelings of self esteem have diminished from not having a regular paycheck. I am pushing (maybe too hard?) for her to follow her dream. It is not a financial hardship for our family as she will make the money back and more, but her feeling is that she is not doing her part in the relationship. I feel that this life is all we have to live and we must chase our dreams even simple ones. I am worried that I am hurting her self-esteem, by discouraging her from working a 9-5 or whatever shift. There are other family reasons that would make it tough for her to work, these can be overcome, but her working at home eliminates many of these problems.

I have been asking myself the question of whether there is some ulterior reason why I don't want her to work a regular job and can think of nothing. She makes the argument that we would be better off finiancially which is true and important to her, I feel that a person should follow their heart and money will follow…Let me also say that her self esteem improves dramatically when she does well in her business, due to the creative nature of it, but when she has bad times it can be very bad.

any ideas?

MKS

[Andy F]

Hi

I want to take 5 years of education which will dramatically reduce my income and will affect my wife. We will even have to live in a smaller property. I have been feeling quite guilty that I am commiting us both to this. I told her last night. She doesn't care as long as we're together and her attitude is five years soon passes. She also knows that what I am proposing makes long term sense,not in money, but fulfilment.

My point is, that I feel reassured that she will not resent me and supports what I want.

regards

Andy F

[journeygal]

Hi MKS,

Your wife has to find her own path. It's her life, her dreams, her goals. My guess is that her self-esteem would increase greatly if she decided on her own which road to take instead of following someone else's plan. I think the best thing you can do is support whatever decision she wants to make as long as it doesn't hurt the family.

Take care,
JG

[best]

I would say...
sit down "Together" and list what is important.

My list would look a lot different then yours I am sure.
Tax benifits should cover any input from your check into her business.
My wife is thinking on starting her own business and the only problem I see is in the wording we use.
Should be "Our" check and "Our" business as we are a couple that should be living as one.
I am sure your wife adds so much more to the family then just a paycheck.
Such things need be given credit as well. Many times even more credit then a paycheck.

[smoke gets in my eyes]

Hello MKS,

I had a business for 10 years because other people thought I should. It would be a waste of my talent and potential if I did not follow THEIR dream for me. I really thought they were right. Something was wrong with me for wondering. I lacked ambition maybe. I would be sorry later if I didn't. Now I work at a retail store and am very very happy.

Lot's of folks have regular jobs and do the creative stuff on the side. And lot's of folks are happy that way. And lot's of times we take our passion and turn it into a business and destroy a lovely relationship.

You've let her know that you will support her decision to stay in the business. I hope you can also convey that you will not be disappointed if she doesn't want to. It may be more complex than you realize.

Hugs,
Smoke