Woman overboard!

[smoke gets in my eyes]

Went overboard, that is.

I posted a couple of weeks ago about how swell Dino and I were doing. Dino doing swell. Me doing swell. Us doing swell together. Ice cream and apple pie.

Well... Dino kind of disappeared. He works/lives in another city, and to not hear from him for a couple of days is not a thing. To not hear from him for 4 days is weird, but not unheard of, as he works in tv news and if something happens they're just off to the races. At that point I was wondering. At a week I decided he might just have gone off to the races, only all by himself. Heavy sigh. I left messages. He didn't return calls. At 10 days I sent a letter to his parents house and washed my hands. He eventually always ends up there, so I sent a nice note about how I would be glad to hear from him whenever and I love him no matter what. And let go. I was disappointed, not devastated. It was so automatic I forgot to even be all proud of my recovery. But I forgot one very important rule.

Let go... but only after you have checked the hospitals.

He had a wreck. On the 11th day, he called. He had just gotten out. He has 38 stitches just in his face and his truck is U shaped and almost in 2 pieces. He looks like Rocky at the end of the movie. Looking at him a week afterward it is hard to believe he was conscious to walk out of the wreck. He made excuses for not calling but I know what it was. He has been sick a lot, and he just hates people peering at him when he's prone. Even me. And even though I know that I would have gone immediately and peered.

In an interesting piece of kismet... his wreck was the day before Thanksgiving and I had one the Saturday after. Mine was ever so minor, though.

I kind of wondered briefly if he could have had an accident, but dismissed it. I wondered briefly about a number of things but pretty much just decided it was useless to wonder. Normal people call the hospitals when someone disappears. I remember. I did at first. Then I learned to call the jail. Then I learned to not call. I got stuck there, I guess. It didn't seem to hurt his feelings, but it's a shame to have had a violent accident that wasn't even your fault and wind up in the hospital for a week and not even have someone freaking because you fell off the face of the earth. I hope it doesn't come up again, but if it does I will have the decency to find out if it's one of those normal everyday disasters.
:slap:

[lonlion]

Hope Dino is back to being swell again soon

[JT]

((Smoke))

Oh boy do I know. The Beav and I are up to multiple months before I worry and I don't think I would be calling hospitals either.

Have you ever thought Dino is like a cat?? How many lives would he have left??

Hugs,
JT

[smoke gets in my eyes]

Lives left, lessee.

If a cat reincarnates, does each reincarnation get nine? I'd be on my third cat.

[abtchonamission]

((((((((Smoke)))))))))

I feel for you. I remember shortly after I first came to SR, Mike relapsed for one night. Before SR, I'd be on the phone, it would start with the hospitals, and gradually move on to the jail. Because of SR, that night I refused to let myself give in and call anywhere. Because of this story, I will not, when truly worried that something may have happened, refuse to make sure that he hasn't been hurt. Thank you for this post. Making sure that they are not physically hurt when you don't know what has happened is something that might make a difference - Mike IS doing well in his recovery, and has even started to try to remember to call if he's running late. If he doesn't call, and I really believe that he's late enough that something might have happened, I will call the hospitals if I feel that I need to give myself the peace of mind of knowing that he is not hurt, or the knowledge that he is so that I can get to him and see for myself how "bad" the situation is. Thank you for the reminder that "normal" disasters can even happen to addicts.

[September]

I am married to an active addict and it is difficult not to panic and call all over to see if he is all right. He's out drunk right now; as a matter of fact. I don't know whether to worry about him or the innocent life he could threaten on the highway

[Gabe]

(((Smoke)))
I'm sorry you had to go through that "wondering" phase and I'm glad Dino is okay.

[journeygal]

I'm so glad Dino is ok too.

Unfortunately, my reaction to the disappearance of an addict is forever changed. I do not call the hospitals or jails. I do not wonder where he is. I assume the worst, and I'm usually right. It will truly take a call from the hospital or a visit from the police for me to consider any other event. I do not worry when he's gone for days at a time. I'm sad and disappointed, but I go on with my life.

And I think that's very sad.

[StandingStrong]

My AH didn't disappear weeks or anything, but even to disappear for 24 hours or so was an occassional normal thing.
Part of my reacting was because of just that. When someone we love is missing, we go through so many emotions that they don't even realize. We worry, we panic, we get angry that it's happening (again), we are relieved when they are okay, and yet ticked off beyond reason because we realize that we worried (again) for nothing!!!!! At least this is how I felt.
I'm glad to hear that Dino is better. Also glad to see that you have recovered enough to not go through the old vicious cycles. It's sad really, but when you've been through this sort of thing enough, you learn to let it go and it becomes almost like the story of the Boy who cried Wolf. Ya know?
I think we all can relate to why you didn't call.

[smoke gets in my eyes]

I'm trying to imagine right now, what would happen if Dino was trying and couldn't reach me for 10 days.

[StandingStrong]

Are you kidding me???????????????? roflmao He'd be going CRAZY!!!!!!! lol



Sidenote to that though.......................there were a few times that my AH did not arrive home in time for me to go to work. (I worked 3rd shift at the time) So I took the kids to my parents or to my in-laws and I went to work.
Do you know that when he arrived home, he didn't even call work to see if I was there? He did not call my parents to find out where we were! NOTHING!!!!!!! He made no effort to find me at all.
I remember telling him that I thought that was horrible, that for all he knew, one of the kids could have gotten hurt or something and we could have been at a hospital somewhere!!!!!! One time he just said that he didn't know where I was....another time he said he just figured I was at work. (Shaking my head here as I'm remembering)
Not to threadjack here, but really, did he not care that we were not here? Did the thought ever cross his mind that I had left him? (Of course not!) But really, when I think back on those times, I really just cannot understand it!

I still got a smile over your comment though - you know Dino would have been going positively out of his mind!!!!!!

[Gabe]

Originally Posted by smoke gets in my eyes

I'm trying to imagine right now, what would happen if Dino was trying and couldn't reach me for 10 days.

Isn't it tempting to give it a whirl and see? (I am evil)

[smoke gets in my eyes]

Originally Posted by Gabe

(I am evil)

((( Roomie. )))