Need Help - Parenting children of an Alcoholic

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I am looking for information regarding parenting children of alcoholic parents: Here is my situation in a nutshell and what I am looking for:

I have two children (ages 9 and 5). I am divorced from their A father. They rarely see him as I only allow visits when he is sober (which is almost never). He and I seperated when my oldest was 4. While that seems quite young, he had a very close bond with his father and has very vivid memories of some of their times together. He struggles continuosly with the whole feelings of abandonment issue. I have been to alanon as well as counseling and have him seeing a counselor several times per month. The younger child really doesn't know her father very well other than the fact that he's her dad and when he's around there is always something fun to do. Anyway, long long story short I am looking for information or ideas of ways to help the older one cope. His therapist has mentioned alatots, which I am going to look into, and I have read a couple of books that mentioned helping kids cope.

This is a child with a heart so huge and full of hurt and love that he crys himself to sleep worrying whether or not his dad has a warm place to sleep tonight, or enough food to eat today. He is so gentile and such a sweet spirit (much like his father was at his age, or so I am told). My ex is an A, his father and mother are/were A, I have to give my son the tools he needs to stop this cycle. There have got to be other parents out there going through this same struggle that I can talk to....please respond if you can relate or have some guidance on this issue.

I am also going to post this over in the Adult Children of Alcoholics forum. To see if there are any folks that have been through this, that could offer some advice as to what they wish they had been given to help them cope while growing up in a dysfunctioal home. There are lots of books to help kids deal with living with an active A, but I am having trouble finding any that address NOT living/seeing the A parent.

I'm sorry this is so long, but I really need some help.