Long story short, I have always been introverted, private and have found it difficult to emotionally connect with and trust people. It made me mildly self conscious in my younger years, but athletic activities kept me from having a lot of time for friends or boyfriends. At 25 a devastating loss left me in despair with a lot for free time on my hands. I went to a bar for the first time and (looking back on it now) I found that alcohol turns me into the fun, extroverted, popular party girl I had always secretly admired. I connected with people on an emotional level, and I even opened up enough to put trust in a few people. During my "alcohol and depression fueled binge, I met, fell in love and married.
Now that I am sober, I have morphed back into the girl I was before. I enjoy my life the way it is now However, after a year and a half of sobriety and almost 2 years of marriage. My brain has disengaged the emotional and trusting connections I had made.... including the one with my husband. This lack of connection has completely ruined the intimacy with my husband, I have absolutely no desire for sex and it is making me feel very guilty. I was never big on sex before (alcohol helped), but I feel like it has gotten worse and every time my husband tries to get intimate it actually makes me irritated.
Any advice? Should I seek private or marriage counseling? Does anyone else have experience with these dramatic personality changes in themselves or loved ones after recovery? How the hell does someone tell their spouse that they don't want to have sex with them? I have even considered divorce because I feel so guilty that my husband has married a lie.