Raising a granddaughter and an Addict...

[Wolfstarr]

Hello everyone.
I am not certain where to post this, so I picked this Fourm. I hope it's the right one.

I hope you all are having a good day, I pray that you are.

I am coping well with the daily thought that my daughter is an addict
and my life is changed...from what it was before she became an addict.

I have a small hope inside me that she will get well enough to care for her
daughter and have a good life for herself.
My gut tells me that she will never be well enough to take care of herself let alolne her daughter.

She suffers from bipolar disorder and is on all sorts of psychotropic medications including Haldol and Cogentin, Sectrol, prozac and was just completely weaned off of methadone. She is struggling with that right now, cannot sleep at all and is very jittery.
She remains in rehab as of now and is expected to get out soon. The addiction part of her rehab seems to be going well, but issues remain as she is afflicted with mental illness.

My husband said that he thinks she can never take care of our granddaughter, and I agreed, stating that we have a "five year old and a mental age of a 14 year old to take care of". My daughter is 30.
She has applied for Disability and I know she cannot work. She is unstable and so sensitive she cannot keep a job. She is a college grad and has gone to trade school for electrician, with top grades in her class. She just cannot work.

The problem I am staying in right now is that I am going to have to care for her for the rest of my life. My dear granddaughter is a joy and we have such great love for her but she is sad sometimes that she doesn't have a Momma and a Daddy like the rest of the kids in class. I guess I need to get out of the problem and into the solution...what is the solution though? Acceptance?
I am also struggling with that part...Acceptance. Accept the fact that my daughter is ill and cannot care for a child. How do I do that without this pain I feel in my heart?

Thank you all for listening to me, I am rather melancholy today and on the pity pot. I just want to feel comfortable in what life hands to me, I am just finding it difficult at this time.
Blessings and Peace to you all, dear good people.
Wolfstarr

[journeygal]

((((((Wolf))))))

The solution is through acceptance. The pain will probably always be there, in varying degrees. This just happens to be the hand that your daughter was dealt. But in spite of her problems she has a beautiful daughter who is the joy of your life and hers. Be thankful that you are able to take care of them both. So many children of substance abusers end up in foster homes and away from their family.

Give your granddaughter as much love as you can. Let her know that your family may be different, but it's still just as good as any of her friends. Accept that you did the best you could for your daughter. Letting go of the dreams you had for her life is hard, but it doesn't mean you can't have new ones.

I wish you all the best,
JG

[Ann]

Wolf

You are doing a wonderful thing by raising this child and giving her the love that she needs. Sure she misses having a mommy and a daddy, but many children don't have the perfect home situation. I, myself, was raised without a father - mine died when I was 6. I remember feeling "different" because in those days most people stayed married, happy or not.

The thing is, I was raised in a loving home, by a wonderful mother who taught me so many great lessons about life, including that it is not always fair and that no matter what life handed me, I could look after myself.

Your granddaughter will learn some "special" lessons from you, many that other children will not learn. She will learn about family looking after family, about love, about accepting life even when it is different, and about finding happiness even in a unhappy situation.

I think you are both lucky to have each other. Just share your love and she will be fine.

Hugs
Ann

[Wolfstarr]

((((((Journeygal))))) (((((((Ann))))))))))

Thank you both so very much for your replies...sometimes I need to see in print what I already know and your gentle words loosened the grip I have on my state of mind. Oh thank god for this site and your wise words...
My granddaughter and I are lucky to have each other and I will share that love with her...You both are angels who have helped one old gal tonight. Thanks so much, and God Bless.
Peace,
Wolfstarr