keep away the lonelyzz - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

utopia · 10-09-2004, 07:52 AM

hi

i feel complete within myself but why does the thrillof someones attention mka e me forget that i m complete?

why sometimes i crave so badly to be held and caressed, to be understood and talked to and wooed, seduced and pounded, be kissed and sexed, to be comforted and sheltered. to be secured in his arms, to feel safe and warm and not remove, but at the least to ease my troubles

the aching in my throat and chest, my heart
the miraculous feelings of electric fire when anothers human skin touches mine, my god i just want to be touched!!! the aching, the loneliness, wil it ever go away for good? or will it always check in on me now and again?

i feel so misunderstood and tragically desperate, clutching at the straws of yesterday for but a moment but ive really just given up on love, i no longer fantasise of romance.

i can smile at lifes blessings but this heart of mine doesnt even know what a loving romantic relationship is? will i ever, notpitying, just lostin wonder...

**Ann** · 10-09-2004, 08:15 AM

utopia

I think that sexual intimacy is an important part of sharing ourselves with someone we love and that wanting this is not just fantasy, but a basic human need. The thing is, for it to have all the meaning and fulfillment you are speaking of, there has to be a loving relationship attached...the two just go together naturally and beautifully. One without the other just leaves a void and empty feeling.

Missing this when there is no relationship can leave us feeling lonely and as if there is something lacking, even when our relationship with ourselves is good. Too often, that can lead us into getting into a relationship too quickly or with the wrong person and that can be more destructive than no relationship at all.

I guess what I am trying to say is that we need to be patient, no matter how desperate we feel, and let ourselves be open to finding new relationships and letting them happen naturally and evolve into something deeper when we are ready.

Hugs
Ann

talia · 10-09-2004, 01:08 PM

your response was a good one Ann...

"praying to God" for patience...and hoping that it will be God's will...that I have a relationship in my future...the kind that I want...I don't want anymore meaningless ..unfulfilling relationships...

I would prefer the peace and serenity of being alone...than being in a relationship...that isn't healthy....

am also praying...to feel God's love...so that I don't feel empty..

I want to have a relationship...I don't ever want to be in the position..of feeling I NEED one...?

**Ann** · 10-09-2004, 01:14 PM

Quote:

I want to have a relationship...I don't ever want to be in the position..of feeling I NEED one...?

Amen, Talia.

Tiro · 10-10-2004, 07:17 PM

The need for positive emotional and physical contact from another human being is in my opinion a natural part of our makeup.

It is when my need and my demand for a constant supply of this contact begin to affect my sense of well being that I run into trouble

I do not "need" to be loved by someone else in order to feel good about myself.However I do posess a deep desire to be in a loving fullfilling relationship with someone and that is something that may never go away......

utopia · 10-10-2004, 08:07 PM

hmm
thanks, its good to know theyre is somesupport base out there. but i guess everyone hgoes through their own secret stuggles with chastity. i think i link being loved only with being in a sexual and mental relationship.

i often get very aroused and all that but when it comes to sex itself i feel distanced, i feel quite emotionally detached.
thats most likely because its never beenin a relationship longor strong enough to last a month.

how much would be because of sexual abuse, of alcoholic childhood, or is it more just the fact that the actual act f sex taking place cause me to subconsciousy distance myself, why do i do that?

wastedtime4me · 10-11-2004, 09:16 PM

I found i would want the attention but then not want to perform "the act".I usually do that when i dont feel safe enough to open up !!! When we are sexually abused thats what we have learned to do is detach!! If we dont feel completely safe and comfortable with someone we will begin the whole process just like when we were molested!! We detach in order to cope...I have come a long way and so can you!!!Are you in counceling?That helped me alot!!!I also go to the library alot...I read a very good book called "The courage to heal"I hope you can find the time to check it out!! It is an excellent book!!!

utopia · 10-12-2004, 01:07 AM

thanks, yeh ive been in cognitive psychotherapy for 4 years and just came off meds after all that plus ive been goin to alanon for bout 9 and a half months,

def helped and ive dealt with most of the pain and the shameissues i just cant get into it.

is it healthy to be a living example of the song when i fall in love?? cos ill never end in love that way maybe, i want to fall str8 away but does it ever work that simply?

10-09-2004, 07:52 AM	#1 (permalink)
utopia Member Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: adelaide, australia Posts: 510	keep away the lonelyzz hi i feel complete within myself but why does the thrillof someones attention mka e me forget that i m complete? why sometimes i crave so badly to be held and caressed, to be understood and talked to and wooed, seduced and pounded, be kissed and sexed, to be comforted and sheltered. to be secured in his arms, to feel safe and warm and not remove, but at the least to ease my troubles the aching in my throat and chest, my heart the miraculous feelings of electric fire when anothers human skin touches mine, my god i just want to be touched!!! the aching, the loneliness, wil it ever go away for good? or will it always check in on me now and again? i feel so misunderstood and tragically desperate, clutching at the straws of yesterday for but a moment but ive really just given up on love, i no longer fantasise of romance. i can smile at lifes blessings but this heart of mine doesnt even know what a loving romantic relationship is? will i ever, notpitying, just lostin wonder...

10-09-2004, 08:15 AM	#2 (permalink)
Ann Sharing Our Light Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: By The Lake Posts: 15,028	utopia I think that sexual intimacy is an important part of sharing ourselves with someone we love and that wanting this is not just fantasy, but a basic human need. The thing is, for it to have all the meaning and fulfillment you are speaking of, there has to be a loving relationship attached...the two just go together naturally and beautifully. One without the other just leaves a void and empty feeling. Missing this when there is no relationship can leave us feeling lonely and as if there is something lacking, even when our relationship with ourselves is good. Too often, that can lead us into getting into a relationship too quickly or with the wrong person and that can be more destructive than no relationship at all. I guess what I am trying to say is that we need to be patient, no matter how desperate we feel, and let ourselves be open to finding new relationships and letting them happen naturally and evolve into something deeper when we are ready. Hugs Ann __________________ Somewhere between the gator swamp and the Taj Mahal there is a path, it may be hidden, overgrown or may blend in with the other surroundings, but it is there, it's your path and it is calling you.~Frankly~

10-10-2004, 07:17 PM	#5 (permalink)
Tiro Member Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Tropical Island Posts: 76	The need for positive emotional and physical contact from another human being is in my opinion a natural part of our makeup. It is when my need and my demand for a constant supply of this contact begin to affect my sense of well being that I run into trouble I do not "need" to be loved by someone else in order to feel good about myself.However I do posess a deep desire to be in a loving fullfilling relationship with someone and that is something that may never go away...... __________________ Tiro

10-11-2004, 09:16 PM	#7 (permalink)
wastedtime4me ~FEELS SO ALIVE~ Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: In A sTaTe Of HaPPiNeSS Posts: 643	I found i would want the attention but then not want to perform "the act".I usually do that when i dont feel safe enough to open up !!! When we are sexually abused thats what we have learned to do is detach!! If we dont feel completely safe and comfortable with someone we will begin the whole process just like when we were molested!! We detach in order to cope...I have come a long way and so can you!!!Are you in counceling?That helped me alot!!!I also go to the library alot...I read a very good book called "The courage to heal"I hope you can find the time to check it out!! It is an excellent book!!! __________________ ~WaStEdTiMe4Me~

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10-09-2004, 01:08 PM	#3 (permalink)
talia Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Dallas,TX Posts: 44	your response was a good one Ann... "praying to God" for patience...and hoping that it will be God's will...that I have a relationship in my future...the kind that I want...I don't want anymore meaningless ..unfulfilling relationships... I would prefer the peace and serenity of being alone...than being in a relationship...that isn't healthy.... am also praying...to feel God's love...so that I don't feel empty.. I want to have a relationship...I don't ever want to be in the position..of feeling I NEED one...?

10-10-2004, 08:07 PM	#6 (permalink)
utopia Member Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: adelaide, australia Posts: 510	hmm thanks, its good to know theyre is somesupport base out there. but i guess everyone hgoes through their own secret stuggles with chastity. i think i link being loved only with being in a sexual and mental relationship. i often get very aroused and all that but when it comes to sex itself i feel distanced, i feel quite emotionally detached. thats most likely because its never beenin a relationship longor strong enough to last a month. how much would be because of sexual abuse, of alcoholic childhood, or is it more just the fact that the actual act f sex taking place cause me to subconsciousy distance myself, why do i do that?

10-12-2004, 01:07 AM	#8 (permalink)
utopia Member Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: adelaide, australia Posts: 510	thanks, yeh ive been in cognitive psychotherapy for 4 years and just came off meds after all that plus ive been goin to alanon for bout 9 and a half months, def helped and ive dealt with most of the pain and the shameissues i just cant get into it. is it healthy to be a living example of the song when i fall in love?? cos ill never end in love that way maybe, i want to fall str8 away but does it ever work that simply?

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