Infidelity: 2nd time around

[magpie13]

Well, I wanted to believe it wuold never happen again... But alas... My spouse has been sober for 4+ years but has really neglected program for the past 6-8 months. Lots of changes in behavior, much more cold, isolated. I thought, oh oh... drinking. But no. It was another affair. 2nd one in 4 years. So, I try to refocus on me, but I can't kid myself. I love this person with all of my heart and I want to save my marriage, but how can I when there's cheating and lying. And she's sober! At least, 'not drinking.'

Has anyone had any success with staying the course if they work their Al Anon program? I need some words of wisdom gang. My heart feels broken.

Magpie

[journeygal]

Hi Magpie and welcome,

This is probably not what you want to hear, but al-anon has given me the courage to separate from my husband. I'm not saying the marriage is over, but after infidelity and a severe relapse, I really had to question if this relationship is good for me. Al-anon has helped me put the focus on taking care of myself and deciding what is and isn't good for me. Don't get me wrong, a lot of people have worked an al-anon program and have found peace and serenity in their marriage, regardless of their spouse's behavior. Every situation is different. You just have to take care of yourself and do what's right for you.

Take care and keep coming back,
JG

[Tiro]

Hello Magpie.

There is an Alanon forum on this website but although I never go there I happen to know that there are alot of strong couragous people there who may be able to give you some valuable feedback.

If you do attend face to face alanon meetings I want to encourage you to keep going.

Infidelity is such a painful issue and when we use the term "brokenheart" to describe our pain it can never accurately express the level of anguish we feel.

I empathise with your pain but I believe that if there is still love in your relationship perhaps a counsellor may be able to help you.

Best of luck to you.