new love is strange...

[utopia]

hi

i just started seeing someone romantically, at first i worked hard to not expect things, not take things too personally, its scary to be in something i have no control over the outcome of.

is passionate obession a alanon thing, ive always haddreams of singing like carmen or violetta from la traviata, friend pointed out theat they all died in misery and that it was passion not love. that makes me think do i want passion but need love, what comes first,trust i suppose, i feel so unsure and a little afraid but mostly frustrated at wanting progress and security,afraid that the longer it takes, the deeper i fall if he leaves me then ill be shattered.

just writing thishelps me start to understand and hand it over to the universe. unconditional love is so foreign yet enriching for me, but its hard to accept that my new friend wont need me desperately, that love is not co dependant? its an adventure, i feel sad, estatic, hopeful doubtful, worried, unsure , exhausting, and yet this seems new in away i cannot describe, what is this? love? is it possible to love so soon, trying to be ok
with it if it doesnt work out just keeps me in worry i want to go all or nothing. :s

[splendra]

Utopia-

It is that all or nothing, black or white thinking that gets us. I don't know how long you have been in Recovery but, I do know that it is reckomended that we give our recovery at least a year before starting a new relationship.

Most important is that you really know yourself and what draws you into your own obessions. Romantic relationships are a real trigger for us acoas. Give yourself time take things slow make sure you know this person and that he doesn't have addiction problems. It is so easy for us to get overly invloved with addicts and alcoholics and not even be aware that they are until we are so locked in and stuck.

You are young and there are lots of men in this world. Have fun but take good care of yourself slow things down if they are moving too fast. If you have that dizzy out of control feeling in this relationship things are most likely moving too fast for you......