Ugh!

[VanillaSugar21]

I been sitting here most of the day with my lil pad of paper and a pen trying to write to my dad. I know I have to write to him and get out the anger, hurt and resentment I have just so I can move on in my life. I'm only 21 and all I can think about is how to change my life for the better so that my relationship with my boyfriend can get stronger in a healthy way but so that I can have a better grip on my mental health. I want to have kids someday and I don't ever want my kids to have to grow up the way I did but to make sure that doesn't happen I gotta fix me. The thing I always think about... I want to write to my brother and my dad and just tell them how much they have hurt me and ask them tons of questions that I want answered though I know it will do me no good because if they write me back they'll treat me like poor lil nutcase Jessica. Funny thing is I'm sane compared to them. I have a very strong urge to write them... would it be a bad idea to write them? They are both in jail. My brother is in state and my father is in county. I really want to write my brother but part of my one thing was to not write to my addicts. I feel this is an exception to the rule. I think it's something I need to do for me. I don't care what it does to them cause they'll never change. I dunno!

[journeygal]

Hi Vanilla,

You can write the letters, but please don't expect them to respond in a way that will bring you peace or closure. They will probably never give you the validation you're looking for. I know it's hard but you can get healthy without them. Basically it means accepting that you had a crappy childhood and making the decision to move past everything that happened and focus on building a better future and life for yourself. Holding onto resentments of the past and waiting for your dad and brother to acknowledge how they hurt you will only keep you stuck in the past.

You can write the letters but it may be best to keep them in a box or tear them up when you're done. Or you can send them, but try not to have any expectations of anything in return.

Hugs,
JG

[VanillaSugar21]

((((JG))))

Trust me I know the reaction I will get. My therapist says I'm older now and I've matured so much and I can express my feelings more now then I could before so I might get a different reaction... but years ago I wrote my dad and told him how I felt and all I got was "I'm sorry you feel that way" :banghead: Man did that ever make me mad and make me cry. I have learned by now to not expect anything when it comes to my dad. My brother... hahaha... I know him better then he knows his self and though is girlfriend don't wanna hear it... I know him better then she ever will. When it comes to him ya get one of two reactions... crying and upset and saying he's sorry or a total azz that cusses up a storm and calls you everything in the book. It's been since June since my brother and I have talked and the last time we did I got the second of the 2 and wouldn't answer my phone or his letters. I know what I will get this time because my brother and I are so close. We are in away lost without each other. Growing up we only had each other and being only 16 months apart... we've been like twins. We have our own lil laungage too. lol But I don't want a letter back from either of them. I just wanna make my feelings known but not let them be known in away that either of them would take offence and lash out at me. Good thing I've changed!! I'm a lot calmer and more patient and not so violent now. I won't waste my time being hurt by them. Thank JG!