AH is leaving

[littlesunshine]

Hello. I haven't posted here in a while. Everything has been nutty. I finally got the strength to tell my AH to either get into rehab, or we would have to separate. He responded several weeks later by telling me that he has found someone else and will be moving out by the beginning of next month. I am wallowing in self pity right now, because I hurt terribly. I didn't expect this, exactly. I expected him to leave; I didn't expect him to leave to be with someone else. I am overcome with grief, even though I know that he is not good for me. We have two beautiful children -- 1 and 6 -- and I feel such sorrow when I think of them and how this change is going to affect them, even though living with my AH wasn't great, either. He and I are going to have to work out the co-parenting thing. I didn't think that this would hurt so much. I thought that I could handle him leaving, because he has done so much to hurt me, and I thought that his leaving would just bring relief. Now, though, I am filled with sorrow. Sorrow for all the things that could have been, but will never be. I am also floored that he would do this to his family. Again, he has done many hurtful things to us, so I don't know why I am so mystified. I guess I am just getting used to the idea of our changed circumstances and relationship. Thanks for listening. It feels good to express my feelings. Thanks.

[splendra]

(((((littlesunshine))))))-

I know what you are going through hurts and I am sorry. Does it really surprize you that he is going to live with someone else? Rest assure that it most likely will not be a good relationship especially if he is using!!!! A person cannot have a real relationship if dope is the most important thing to them!!!

I have heard some pretty painful stuff about trying to kick out someone who won't leave around here.... I don't know which situation is worse. We are here for you. Take care of you!!

[best]

"OK so you won't let me use...I have found someone else who doesn't care what I do and will accept me as I use.
Your fault"

Even if he may not have said that outloud, that was the quack quack quack inside as he lied to himself.

As you look over that phrase you will see the words.... doesn't care
So you know things won't last there because the other "doesn't care"

and when he would say it is your fault all he would be trying to do is dump the self guilt off of self. Your the closest so you become the target.

Please fully understand it is not your fault, not your doing and maybe one day he will find out the things of life he needs to learn.
His issues, his problem to deal with, his need to seek rehab.

Personally I would have liked to tell him.... why wait for the end of the month...you want out...go now.

Prayers for you and the children.
Could be a month of insults and blame coming your way. He may try to build up a blame wall in his own mind. quack quack quack ... so he can try to walk away with less guilt.
Boundaries in place. Hold firm and stay strong.

Why is it that people (guys) don't see what they are doing till it is to late?

[splendra]

littlesunshine-

I hope you will read what BEST said again. He knows what he is talking about!!

[eveie]

Wow Best!! Good Job! Wise words!!
Littlesunshine, your sunshine is about to shine again!!! I agree with best why the hell wait til the end of the month, put that anger to use, honey, I would be packing and putting his crap out the door!...LOL... and have some fun doing it. Put YOUR boundries in place, DO NOT accept the blame for HIS using. Man, I totally see where Best is coming from and I agree totally, your AH will be back and forth back and forth, taking his sweet ol time. More hurt for you, dont take it.
Yes the kids will hurt, but as you posted they are 1 and 6 sad so sad, get a sitter, and hunnie? put that anger, sorrow, hurt, all to work for you!!
Hee hee, that is what I did when my AH left me in 2000, why let them hurt you even more? BE STRONG, WE LOVE YOU and GOD knows!! there is someone out there who would just stumble over themselves for a woman with a heart as big as yours!!!! BUT FIRST!! HEAL YOU!! BLESSINGS!!

[lonlion]

Hey Littlesunshine; Wow the way I read it was extremely manipulative on your AH part. Ok, fine you want me out and don't accept my drinking, I'll show you, I have a woman in the offing and am leaving the end of the month......NA NA NANANA.
He will not doubt be hoping you get desperate and beg and plead for him to stay. The games people play. IF infact he has a woman waiting for him to move in, then like the others say, let her put up with his s***, unless she is also using, she will get tired of that very fast.
Also this will add to his internal guilt and he will probably drink even more, if not now, then sooner or later.
Just remember not to internalize this, you are lovable, you do deserve happiness, try not to take it as a rejection, but rather he is doing you a favor. Hard to see that now, but everything happens for a reason. This may prod him to recovery sooner, if not it sure will help you get out of the situation faster, and move on to a healthier life for you and your kids.
When or if he ever does hit rock bottom, this will be one of his biggest regrets, count on it.
All the best to you, my prayers go out to you and your kids.

[survivor]

Anyone in active addiction is not capable of making rational decisions. He is lashing out at you to make himself feel better. Do not take responsibility for his actions. They are his and his alone. Pick up the pieces that you have to work with and move forward as best you can. You have a lot of support here and we do understand.