New to this and need help

[feliciae]

I have spent quite awhile reading on this site tonight and there is some really great stuff...
I need help understanding acholism and how to live with it. My husband was a heavy drinker up until a year ago when he went into treatment. Ever since then that is all he ever seems to think about. He has a few relapses but no long binges. I told him that if things ever returned to like they were last year that I would leave because I can't live like that. Now he is trying to get me to drink with him as a way to make it justifable. Which I don't need to drink. He said that he feels like he is going insane and just feels like he needs to let loose. I know his problems should not be my problems and I am the creator of own feelings but I can't seem to do that. He is such a huge part of me and I am to the point in all this that I just want to walk away because I hate feeling so uneasy and not knowing how long he is going to remain sober.
I just need some advice...
Thanks

[Ann]

Hi Felicaie and welcome.

Sadly, you cannot do anything to change him, only he can do that. But you have done something good for yourself by reaching out to others who have been where you are.

There are many here whi will be along to help you. My son is an addict, so although I cannot relate to your exact circumstance, I do know what it is like to watch someone we love destroy themselves and how terribly that affects the people around them.

I don't know if you have been to Al-Anon, but it helps many to regain their balance and begin to work a program that is about US, not them and their substance. It deals with codependency and our issues. The forum "Family and Friends" above used to be called Al-Anon since many who share there have been in that program, but the name was changed when Al-Anon objected to the use of the name for the forum (but not for the sharing on it...go figure!)

Take a read around and make yourself comfortable, and post on any forum that interests you.

Others will be here soon to welcome you also. I am happy you are joining us on our journey.

Hugs
Ann

[journeygal]

Hi Feliciae and welcome.

I'm married to an addict so I understand a lot of the feelings you have. It sounds like your husband just isn't ready to fully commit to remaining sober. You can't control what he does and I know how hard it is living with the fear that things will go back to the way they were.

I have found a lot of peace and have been able to release a lot of anxiety by going to al-anon meetings, attending therapy, coming here, and talking things over with people I trust. Just as the alcoholic needs a recovery program, so do the family members that share their lives. Also, it's best not to isolate, b/c then we're just stuck with our own thoughts, which is not always a good thing.

Check out the Family and Friends of Alcoholics forum while you're here. A lot of people are where you are and understand what you're going through.

Take care and keep coming back.

Hugs,
JG

[splendra]

Hey Feliciae-

Welcome to Sober Recovery. I too am married to an Addict and I also have 3 siblings who are drug addicts. I know how confusing and frustrating it can be to be close to someone who chooses to escape reality.

In order to keep myself from going insane I had to start going to alanon and naranon meetings and working the 12 steps to recovery. I also had to get some boundries. At first I tried to make boundries that tried to make my A's stop using. None of them worked until I stoppped trying to control what they do. Now my boundries are about what I can control: my money,house,car,body,mind and spirit. There is some good info here read the stickie post at the top of this forum and keep posting. Most important take care of you!!!s to you!!