Need help with boyfriend who is recovering

[blue_eyes18]

Hi all,

I wanted to ask you if it normal for people recovering from heroin addiction to be very confused with their emotions and how they feel about things from one day to the next. My boyfriend and I have broken up because he says he is afraid he can't be what I need him to be. For a couple of weeks, he was happy go lucky, fun to be around, then all the sudden, he went to just lying in bed at his house all the time and not really wanting to be sociable with anyone. He does that off and on now I have realizwd. I don't know much about drugs though when it goes into addiction and all that. undefinedundefinedundefinedI don't know what to do, because he broke up with me "for my own good" as he said, then 3 days later came knocking on my door saying he wants to be together. I asked him why we broke up then, and he said he was not thinking in his right mind. Then, like 2 hours later, he acted strange again. He is not crazy or anything. I really do believe it is just him going through things, and maybe what those few years of heroin has done to his brain? If it is, will he ever get better? Can someone please help? Thanx.

[Lorelai]

Blue Eyes -
My husband is an alcoholic and is not recovering so I don't have much insight for you. Have you tried posting on the NarAnon board? I know there are lots of people there who are dealing with the same things you are.
Glad you're here -
L

[abtchonamission]

Blue Eyes - I don't know what to tell you about him - I don't know him. He may be confused about what is ahead of him. My addict fiance at one point tried to convince me to move back to Massachusetts because he felt guilty about relapsing, and going to jail due to poor (That is being nice) decisions made during his relapse. He never really wanted me to go, just wanted me to be okay and not to hurt me anymore.

What you need to do is take care of you. If you and your boyfriend are going to work things out, you need to do what is best for yourself, just as he needs to do what is right for you. Go to the Nar-Anon board - that is probably the best place to start, where you'll find loads and loads of advice, wisdom, and strength.

[ash4]

I posted an in depth forum called "a question about my recovering alochol boyfriend". I know its not heroin. but the advice i got, was amazing... you should read what they said to me. it really help me. maybe it can help you. GOOD LUCK and stay strong!

[mle-sober]

Good luck to you - The fact that you are trying to understand what he is going through is beautiful and brave. Many (most?) of us just get wrapped up in our own experiences whether you are the addict/alcoholic or the partner. So I commend you.

[justanothrdrunk]

In my experience, it's very common for recovering folks (both alkies and druggies) to be confused about emotions.

I used because I didn't know how to deal with emotions. And I was using for such a long, long time (from a teen into my 30s). Those years (teen years into young adulthood) are big when it comes to emotional growth and health. I pretty much skipped them when I was using so I porbably don't have the same emotional health and maturity as your average adult.

When I sobered up, all these emotions came at me at once. I didn't know how to identify them. I didn't know how to express them in a healthy way. I didn't even know how to talk about them because I couldn't tell the difference between many emotions. Ask me how I was feeling and I didn't even know exactly. I felt something, but didn't know what it was I was feeling.

It's taking me a long time to get a handle on my emotions, and I'm still learning.

That said, it's not okay for anyone to toy around with another's emotions either. Just because I have a defecit or have stunted my emotional growth for years doesn't give me license to play games with people. It's still important for me to be as honest and real as I can with people - especially those close to me.

[faithhopelovejr]

With an opiate addiction, the opiates shut down the brains natural ability to produce dopeamine. That is the feel good chemical. After detoxing from the opiate, it will take a good while before the brain is producing the dopeamine like it should. This has to do with "feeling" again. Emotions will be all over the charts. Good luck.

[alohafriday]

my sister is recovering from a heroin addiction and I can only speak to what I've experienced with her, but she has more personalities than cybil sometimes now. In the course of a 45 min conversation, she'll switch moods dramatically 5 or 6 times. I've attributed it to a bunch of things....long-term effects of drugs being one of them. Also think she likely has a mental health illness that is not being treated. Many addicts are what they call "dual diagnosis" where they suffer from both mental illness and addiction and often they need care/medication for both illness, but rarely seek it.

I don't know your boyfriend or how long you've been together, but in my experience, sustaining a healthy relationship with a heroin addict, active or reformed, is an enormous challenge, especially in the early stages of sobriety. Good luck

[kristenv]

is he taking methadone? If he is he may need to talk to the dr. about his dosage....it can cause mood swings if not taken correctly he may be overmedicated. My ABF is in recovery and it can be hard to deal with the rollercoaster ride. I wish you the best with everything

[pepper13]

ohhh wow been there and still am, my bf or ex rather now is an heroin addict and just i mean just relapsed now we are on a break so i can work on myself again and want i need out of life but when he sober for a bit he was very much the way ur bf is being i suggest some couples therapy