Repeat

[tigergirl]

I seem to find myself in the same type of relationship continuously or relationship dynamics. Whenever I join a group, recovery or other wise, something happens and I get scapegoated. I am not putting myself in a victim mode but trying to understand. I'm not very good with group politics-I don't understand and get frightened or I fail to recognize the alpha female or male or group pecking order. It all seems very underground and shifting. I am not an aggressive person.
Don't misunderstand me,more aware or sensitive,I can't be but I'm puzzled and sad.I'm terrible with authority,only when it's the controlling,treating me without respect or in a childlike manner.I try to be assertive and get told"you're patronising,self-righteous..".When I try to speak to the people about an issue which is bothering me, I'm told "it's in my imagination..or I'm too sensitive"When do relationships get clear?
Any advice?

[Gabe]

I would be wary of anyone who told me that "it's in your imagination and you're too sensitive" when I was talking to them about what was bothering me. Now that's patronizing.
It can be very difficult to find your comfortable place in a group. I usually have to sit back and watch group dynamics for a while to figure out exactly where I fit in. Ask anyone I've ever worked with. The first three months on a job, I'm usually very quiet, just taking everything in and watching how the rest of the group interacts.
If you find yourself in groups that you don't feel comfortable in, maybe it's time to find another group. The most important thing is that you find a place where you feel valued and appreciated for who you are.

[Hgrokit]

Just be yourself and do no wrong.

What do I mean by the second part? Treat everyone as you want to be treated. Groups being what they are tend to have cliques and then the resulting rumor mongering. Avoid both like the plague. Be true to yourself and do not sell out to be liked.

In so doing, you will be noticed as a stand up person. You will also never have to wonder if it is something you said or did. Try not to make it about you! If your side of the street is clean, then anything else is their crap.

All sounds cliche and contrite, but it is also true.

I used to walk around on egg shells all the time. My problem though is that I was agressive and controlling; I could not figure out why people were either afraid of me or did not trust me. When I let the "teddy bear" in me come out and be seen, it was amazing the different reaction I received from people.

When I quit demanding more from people than I was willing to give, that is when I realized my will and my life was being influenced by a power greater than myself - amazing how different things started to become.

[tigergirl]

Thank you both, Gabe and H. Gabe, I am contiously looking for new groups,just to stay out of cliques and pulled into any rumour mongering.I hate it,it's destructive and petty. Recently, at a meeting, a new girl started to cry and said that she had never met such a bunch of"bitchy" women.No telephone numbers, snide comments etc..She wasn't coming anymore because of this.This happened to me too so it wasn't just her "recovery issues".I tried to fight it, to talk but basically, it was useless.

So, let's see, I start with great intentions,am friendly,open and giving but then what happens is weird,maybe I'm too friendly and open . Can't win really.So I wander..

I am most of all trying to be the best person I can, honest with myself and true to my feelings.I'm here to learn, not to be told what to do as an adult.Listening to guidelines and MYOB'ing,minding my own business. It's not that difficult really