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Old 07-13-2004, 10:07 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Family of Origin!

I come and read many of the posts on this forum, but almost never post anything. I am an 'anon', I have been surrounded by addiction and dysfunction my whole life.

I am writing today just because I feel so sad. This past weekend, I was there was an incident that forced me out of denial about my family & I just feel so sad about it.

My nephew is 16 and has been a problem around my kids (dd-9,ds-6) for quite some time. He acts inappropriately, sometimes sexually, mostly physically too violent with them. This weekend it happened again. No one was seriously hurt, but I realized that my kids CANNOT be around him. By allowing them to be, I am giving them a VERY BAD message. He shows virtually no remorse.

I am so sad that my nephew is so messed up. I have compassion in so far as I recognize he is the product of his environment. I used to spend quite a bit of time with him and truly liked him, he was a joyous child at one time. But, that doesn't change the fact that my kids are at risk around him. I just didn't want this to be true, so I kept believing the things that happened were isolated incidents.

In order to keep my kids away from him, I will have to stop attending most family functions. I cannot control whether he is there or not, only if we are. I guess I am mourning the loss of family. The saddest part is I have never really had a family, none of us are really close. But I still get those feelings of abandonment when I think of enforcing this boundary about my nephew!

I have been in recovery long enough to feel these feelings of sadness, real progress for me. Just keep wishing it wasn't true!

Thanks for listening.
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Old 07-13-2004, 10:18 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Hey Catlady,
You're doing what you have to do to keep your children safe.
I know what you mean about the family estrangement thing.
I only have one sibling, my sister. She and I have always been really close.
Something happened recently that put a lot of disatance between the two of us emotionally.
I can't even get into how much that hurts my heart.
So I hear you about the mourning the loss of family thing.
Hard stuff.
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Old 07-13-2004, 10:22 AM   #3 (permalink)
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((( Catlady! )))

We had one of those in my family. Let's call him Uncle Herbert. Fortunately, the whole family was hip and Uncle Herbert simply wasn't allowed to leave his room when there were kids in the house, on pain of eviction. I remember feeling sorry for him and not understanding. I'm glad I got to not understand.

You have to do what you have to do to keep your kids safe. I feel bad for your nephew, like I did for Uncle Herbert. Uncle H had a whole tribe of family both watching him, and watching out for him. He was not allowed to err. I hope your nephew gets some help before he causes serious trouble for himself.

Hugs,
Smoke
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Old 07-13-2004, 10:32 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Hi Catlady...
Sorry that you are hurting right now.
But you are doing the right thing for you and your kid's.

Have you thought about going to a Al-anon meeting?
You would meet other people in similiar situations and will get support and understanding for what you are going through.
It sounds like it is time to reach out and extend your family beyond traditional borders.
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Old 07-13-2004, 10:33 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Thanks for both of your replies.

I am praying for my nephew and my sisters whole family. But that is all I can do for them. My kids need to be safe, and learn that we don't choose to be around people who act that way.

Thanks again.
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Old 07-13-2004, 10:36 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Thanks Kelkel, I do attend meetings, have been for more than two years.

Most days I think without them I would be a raving lunatic! Meetings, My program, my sponsor and working the steps have saved my life.

I like your suggestion. I can make my own family.
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Old 07-13-2004, 10:59 AM   #7 (permalink)
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