I'm finished.........

[marblack]

Howdy Folks!!!!
as the story continures .... Well I came home today to find Abf drunk. He had went and picked up our son from daycare. They had went swimming in the kiddie pool outside. I came home to find Jake our 2 yearold and his dad in the house together. Dad was drunk and Jake was wet from the pool. He still had his wet diaper on from the pool. I told Abf that this relationship was over. I have battling with it for a week to just make sure it was ended for good. He goes to the liqour store. Shorts unzipped...buys a 12 pack drinks a beer on the way home. Comes in and starts verbally abusing me. Then he acts like he is going to hit me. I call his sister to come and get him. I am not leaving my home for him to party in. She comes over and he throws my sons favorite truck at her and smashes it up against the wall. After he had punched me in the arm. Told my son your mom is a bitchslute. I Called the cops. I was ready to file charges but I wasn't bruised enough. I am going to get a restraining order this time. He agrees to go with the sister home. Are you ready for this. He bails out of the truck while she is driving. And starts walking to the house. I called the cops told them where he was located and they took him to detox. This is the second time in 2 months. I will not accept his sob story like I did last time and let him back in. He promised me the moon last time when he came out of detox. I feel for it and hated myself for letting him back in the house. It killed me to watch my son pick up the pieces of his favorite dump truck, and try to put it back together again. Knowing I could have protected him from that. I am closing the chapter on this alcoholic relationship.....I'm tired!!!! ....Mary

[journeygal]

(((((((Mary)))))))

Be careful and get that restraining order if you think he will come back after detox.

[splendra]

((((((mary))))))

[Gabe]

Mary,
I'm sorry that it came to an unhappy ending.
You are doing the right thing.
You have to look out for you and your son.
Big hugs,
Gabe

[marblack]

You know I have been just feeling very crazy....My thoughts do I love him or not? He is great when he is sober?? You know you ask yourself all of these questions>>> what should I do. I am thankful he is in detox and his family is supporting me that this relationship is over. I am getting a restraining order, I plan to have no contact. I am just thankful God was watching over Jake. He could have drown in the pool. I deserve better and the baby does too. I am still young at 34 he is 46 and I am sure he doesn't have much life left. I know I will have weak moments, seeing Jake trying to put his truck back together just broke my heart. He even tried to get his dad off of me. Sad but the truth.....I know it will be hard at first I can make it without him. If I need to I can go into a shelter....Peace of mind and self respect is a special gift...I will let no one rob me of it again....Thanks for your words and wisdom and support....Mary >>>>>>Today I Can smile...I live for me...WOW

[Gabe]

Originally Posted by marblack

Today I Can smile...I live for me...WOW

Wow twice Mary. Being able to smile and live for you, despite what you're dealing with, it a big gift.

[Suckerpunched]

Mary-I trully hope you stick with your decision to end this relationship, even if........
I grew up in an abusive household-I was the youngest of 4-same deal, my mom stayed because she feared the unknown and financial woe's! The scars I carry will NEVER be erased! Though I wasn't battered much by HER husband, in my opinion it is far worse to watch someone you love, ESPECIALLY YOUR OWN MOTHER, being battered than actually taking the beating yourself! That goes for verbal abuse as well, I'll never be able to forget the way he talked to her and the fact that she just took it! Part of me can never forgive her for not protecting us and herself! Kids don't understand financial woes' they just want their mom to protect and take care of them! Do It, you owe it to your kids and you know it! You WILL find a way!

Your kids are still young, you can turn this all around!

[marblack]

My ex-bf calls from detox. First question...Did anyone call my work? Second question? We need to talk. ....Can u pick me up tommorrow at 2:30pm. WHOA!!!! I went off on him and told him I was finished. Come on I was finished a month ago. And went and picked him up from detox. Let him talk me back into taking him back. I asked him how do you expect me to take all of this You threaten to kill me....call me fat on fat...bitch...tell our son you mom is nothing but a slutbitch...hit me and smash your kids toy. And WOW in your mind we can talk and be okay. Promise me the world again...You choose to buy the beer....when you pop a top you don't have a choice anymore. It isn't my illness...I'm finished with this lifestyle.. SICKENING!!!! He tells me I will call tommorrow and talk to ya!! Like I will change my mind NEVER>>>>I am taking Jake to daycare early and packing all of his things and putting it in his van. I am going to get the restraining order first thing. I told him I already have one ....Not to put a step...On the property. He will go to Jail. I feel as if a black cloud has been lifted off of my shoulders. I live my life for me...not for the A....Peace out....I send strength tonight to those that are battling with decisions. Mary

[Dan]

Mary
Be safe, and accept nothing less than respect from now on.
And follow through with the restraining order as JG recommended.

[Ann]

(((MARY)))

Keep doing whatever you need to do to keep yourself safe and your child even safer. Nothing, not all the good days ever, are worth anything if you or your child are hurt any worse than you already are.

Hugs and prayers for both of you.

Ann

[marblack]

He called and wanted a ride home for detox. I told him no....I was so proud of myself. I loaded his clothes in his van, and other belongings. I felt like I was purging my house of his presents. Get the darkness out of my life. I dropped his clothes and wallet off at his sisters house. His sister picked him up at detox. He called me when he got to his sisters house. I lost it talking to him, he was accusing me of taking his son from him. He cann't believe I would drag him thru the court system for child support. He has a problem with alcohol. I am only protecting my son. He admitted to his sister he didn't remember the day the incident occurred. He was blacked out. Which is scarey. He was alone with the baby. Stupid Me!!! for allowing him to pick him up. I am having mixed emotions. I don't want him in my life. I am finished. Apart of me wants to protect Jake from his illness. I know I have to do that. Funny thing his sister wouldn't allow him to stay at her house. She took him to an empty house that his sister owns. No ultities are hooked up. She dropped him off with a pillow and a blow up mattress, 5 bucks and 3 beers. Amazing ....How much he misses his son...and after all of this he still chooses to drink. In the end its all my fault....he is in this situation. I know I will see the sun shine tommorrow.....How peaceful that will be..Mary

[JT]

One small piece of advice if I may.

Something I have learned recently when I talk with my son is I don't make a decision while I am talking to him. He can work me and my emotions masterfully. I cannot trust myself, so I always give myself some time. How I spend that time might be kicking walls, writing, boring all of you or wearing out my treadmill...regardless...that time gives me some much needed space. I am much less likely to act out of emotion or allow myself to be manipulated.

((Hugs))
JT