He left me a note.

[smoke gets in my eyes]

It made me cry. No! Not that kind of note. It just says "Decided to leave early to get some more done. Call if you can; see you soon." Now why would that make a person cry? :saywhat?: HE LEFT ME A NOTE! It's been awhile since my not knowing where he was made me think he was up to no good. But there are lots of times when I don't know where he is. He has a cell phone. If I needed to contact him, I could. But he doesn't leave notes. I feel so INCLUDED! So THOUGHT OF!

It's the little things.

[Gabe]

Oh hell and God damn it your subject line scared me to death.
Whew, it was that kind of note.
I love it when Dino shines Smoke, I really do.

[Dan]

It's the little things...
Good to see you smiling Smoke.
And yeah, the title of the thread made me go

[smoke gets in my eyes]

Well, okay. I'm a stinker. I meant to scare you. Tell me, should I put a winky on the title thingy, or was the adrenaline rush a little bit fun?

Hey... not only did he leave me a note, but today is payday. HIS payday. Dino has a payday. Did I mention he's handsome, smart and funny and is good to the cat?

[Gabe]

The adrenaline rush...wheeee!
That on top of the high octane Starbucks I just finished should have me flying around the office all day.
Of course he's handsome, smart, funny and good to the cat.
I would expect nothing less for a princess.

[smoke gets in my eyes]

[Dan]

My liege

[Gabe]

Well now, that is quite the look for my little green sweetie.
I like the pirate outfit better though.

[survivor]

Thanks Smoke for reminding me that sometimes the little things can mean a lot. Too many times I'm waiting for something huge that I dismiss the little things and miss out on something good.

As for the adrenaline rush, those of us married to addicts are used to it and actually thrive on it at times - LOL. Thanks again.

[Chy]

Damn you had be cringing too!! But hugs, on a good note, it show's he does care Smoke, I can see the little hearts coming out of him as he wrote it to you! *hugs*

[Paulie]

Not funny, scared me too!!!

(((Smoke))) (((Dino)))

Yes, it is the little things, I totally get that!

[Magichappens]

Smoke,
Not only is it the little things, it's our ability today to appreciate and cherish them. Hugs, Magic

[Ann]

What LITTLE??? That is a BIGGIE!!!!

A note, just a simple note, tells you EVERYTHING you need to know because between the lines it reads... :ilu

(My bifocals allow me to read "between the lines")

(((SMOKE))) (((DINO THE NOTEMAN))))

[smoke gets in my eyes]

Well ****.

Please note the change in the dinotar's attire. Cinderella is back to the fireside with the ashes. Sigh. That's okay... she feels more at home there. LOL

The paycheck did not come home Friday. He "missed the guy". I thought nothing of it. Really. All would be well when he went back to work today. I needed part of it, but hey... I'd live. Then our hero fell ill. Also thought nothing of it. He falls ill all the time. He had cancer and his body got all messed over with chemo and surgery... plus he's an ex crack user. He falls ill. But goodness it was making him sleep. Just like... nah. One of the things that happens to him when he falls ill is his capillaries burst and he gets purple streaks. He has to be treated. Yesterday morning he had purple streaks. Not very artistically applied... and it's what we in theatre would call a "proscenium" costume. It's only decorated on the front. I wondered if he was trying to get out of helping me move, or if I wasn't feeling sorry enough for him or what. He does tend to suffer loudly so everyone will be aware that he's suffering. However, all he had to do to get out of helping me move was say he didn't feel like it. He's missed most of it already. So it was a play for pity or a play for cash. Only time would tell. This morning it came... he needed two hundred dollars because he needed to go to the hospital and the new union insurance had that much deductable. "You'll just have to get your paycheck." says I. "Oh, they're not going to cut that until this Friday."

Oh.... dammit. And things were going SO well. I thought. Sigh.

[Gabe]

Dammit, dammit, dammit.
I liked the story about the note a whole lot better.
And Smoke, you can sit fireside by the ashes all you want.
The glass slippers still fit and you will always be a Princess to me.
Big hugs,
Gabe

[smoke gets in my eyes]

I liked the note better, too. And I would not want anyone to think I was this rational yesterday when I saw the paintjob. My mouth fell open. He thought it was because I was so shocked and concerned. It was because I was so shocked and offended. "Yeh, it's all over me." he sez. I managed to slip away at that moment but the grief was really overwhelming. I bawled like somebody died. He accused me of being hormonal. Fine. Think that Picasso. I got over it and it doesn't feel cataclysmic any more, but I have a bad case of the "dammits".

[Gabe]

I didn't have thought one that you were in any way rational yesterday.
I know I wouldn't have been.
Don't you hate it when they mistake offense for concern?
Dammit all anyway.
Hammit is going upside the wall tonight about this.

[smoke gets in my eyes]

Originally Posted by Gabe

Don't you hate it when they mistake offense for concern?

Hmm. No. I must have meant for him to. Otherwise I would have just said "Wipe that crap off." Wonder why I didn't? It must partly have been how much I wanted my eyes to be deceiving me. But it was hot out and he made a small effort to help me load the truck and it started to run. God was not participating in any denial yesterday... LOL. But when I was hysterical and he was asking me what the hell was wrong with me (he's all sympathy), why was "It's too much." all I could say? I mean, it was a true statement. But he thought I was talking about moving and I let him. I guess the rest of it was that I couldn't bear to listen to him try to weasel out of it. I feel other peoples humiliation intensely. I couldn't watch I Love Lucy or The Mary Tyler Moore show because I got so embarrassed for them.

I love my cat. Cats can't fib.

[Gabe]

I think "It's too much" was just the tip of the iceberg.
Maybe you weren't ready to get at what's underneath.
I feel other people's everything intensely.
Isn't that part of being a Codie?

[Gabe]

Oh my God MG, I almost missed the added hand, middle finger extended. Priceless!

[smoke gets in my eyes]

LOLOLOL! Are you saying I should swallow the cash so he doesn't get his hands on it? LMAO!

Don't forget... he left me a note! There's hope. If he goes down, I won't go with him... but maybe he won't go far down before he misses up... or maybe (though he fib) I have misconstrued the reason. (Still... fibber fibber fibber!) I am okay except for the part of me that is scared that he isn't. I love him anyway. Dammit.

[Gabe]

Originally Posted by smoke gets in my eyes

I am okay except for the part of me that is scared that he isn't. I love him anyway.

Does he have any idea how lucky he is to have you?
I hope he does, I really hope that a lot.

[Dan]

Smoke, I fibbed my way out if being loved anyway a while back.
I offer my pagan prayer that Picasso finds a way to open the eyes of his heart to what is, in my opinion, to quote our friend Gooch, your immeasurable spirit.

It's the progress that counts.

The note was a good thing and the paint job was better than a colostomy although I think it tops Deb's lawnmower.

He is somewhere between lawnmower and colostomy and the journey continues.


You had some dammits and some tears, but you didn't slap him or throw things so you're hanging in with your recovery.

Am I a bad person for laughing about the paint?