question about love/relationship addiction... - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

henrynine · 06-21-2004, 02:00 PM

my g/f, who was soon to be finace, left me for another man. she hasn't been truly single in 5 years, and jumped from a situation where she had been abandoned, 3 months later to me, then we broke up and she jumped in with her high school boyfriend, who she abandoned for me, and now she has abandoned me for a new older man, who offers her stability.

she has jumped from man to man, and now appears to have a good relationship going with a nice guy who is looking to settle down. will this compulsive cycle of jumping for security catch up to her? or is it something that happens all the time, i just need to deal with my pain, and hope to find someone else?

splendra · 06-21-2004, 03:23 PM

henrynine,

It could catch up to her but, who knows how long it will take?

Probably it will be much better for you to focus on what made you actracted to someone like this. What are you try to avoid by being involved with someone like her? Are you actracted to stable women who desire a real commitment? Or are you just playing?

It seems a lot of people get too involved before they know a person well enough to know what they might do to their heart. A lot of people look for a thrill in sex... If a person uses sex for a thrill then I guess they have to roll with the punches....

I hope you will wait to find someone else till you really understand what you are looking for in yourself and another least you find another face that is the same inside.

Gabe · 06-21-2004, 03:31 PM

Henry,
I have a friend who describes this as "an endless series of new beginnings". People who relationship hop like the excitement of a relationship at it's outset, but get bored when the "new" wears off.
My guess is that the cycle will only end for her when she learns to develop in a relationship past it's initial phase.
I'm sorry that your hurting. Time will heal that pain and you keep right on hoping to find someone else. Hope is a very good thing.
Hugs,
Gabe

kuna · 01-17-2008, 01:42 PM

Gabe, that is sooo true and so resonates for me. I just got out of a relationship with someone like that and it was a very draining, unhealthy experience. The beginning was very exciting but I could feel it wearing off and it wore me down, completely. He was engaged about 3 years ago and now is back to calling her when he sensed I no longer wanted to be with him. I used to think that I could make his STOP and stand still with me -- now, I am "glad" he could not, it was not the right relationship for me.

06-21-2004, 02:00 PM	#1 (permalink)
henrynine Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Norman Oklahoma Posts: 2	question about love/relationship addiction... my g/f, who was soon to be finace, left me for another man. she hasn't been truly single in 5 years, and jumped from a situation where she had been abandoned, 3 months later to me, then we broke up and she jumped in with her high school boyfriend, who she abandoned for me, and now she has abandoned me for a new older man, who offers her stability. she has jumped from man to man, and now appears to have a good relationship going with a nice guy who is looking to settle down. will this compulsive cycle of jumping for security catch up to her? or is it something that happens all the time, i just need to deal with my pain, and hope to find someone else?

06-21-2004, 03:23 PM	#2 (permalink)
splendra the girl can't help it Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: splendraville Posts: 5,508 Blog Entries: 3	henrynine, It could catch up to her but, who knows how long it will take? Probably it will be much better for you to focus on what made you actracted to someone like this. What are you try to avoid by being involved with someone like her? Are you actracted to stable women who desire a real commitment? Or are you just playing? It seems a lot of people get too involved before they know a person well enough to know what they might do to their heart. A lot of people look for a thrill in sex... If a person uses sex for a thrill then I guess they have to roll with the punches.... I hope you will wait to find someone else till you really understand what you are looking for in yourself and another least you find another face that is the same inside. __________________ nice has a hisssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

06-21-2004, 03:31 PM	#3 (permalink)
Gabe Member Join Date: Jan 2003 Posts: 4,955	Henry, I have a friend who describes this as "an endless series of new beginnings". People who relationship hop like the excitement of a relationship at it's outset, but get bored when the "new" wears off. My guess is that the cycle will only end for her when she learns to develop in a relationship past it's initial phase. I'm sorry that your hurting. Time will heal that pain and you keep right on hoping to find someone else. Hope is a very good thing. Hugs, Gabe

01-17-2008, 01:42 PM	#4 (permalink)
kuna Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Saint Paul, MN Posts: 2	Gabe, that is sooo true and so resonates for me. I just got out of a relationship with someone like that and it was a very draining, unhealthy experience. The beginning was very exciting but I could feel it wearing off and it wore me down, completely. He was engaged about 3 years ago and now is back to calling her when he sensed I no longer wanted to be with him. I used to think that I could make his STOP and stand still with me -- now, I am "glad" he could not, it was not the right relationship for me.

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