Balance

[Gabe]

I've been thinking a lot lately about things that are out of balance in my life.
In Zodiac terms, I'm a Libra...and balance is very important to us Libras.
Today while doing an internet search, I found this:

"As a Libra, you have innate abilities for pleasing others and for creating harmony in your surroundings. This comes naturally due to your discomfort around anger and discord. You are willing to do almost anything in order to keep the peace and keep people smiling. This is both your gift and your downfall, for at times you may find that you have sacrificed too much in your attempts to make situations or relationships work. "Peace at any price" may ultimately interfere with your ability to create truly healthy relationships, if you are not aware of the need to weigh yourself into the balance.
The symbol of the Scales represents a very important aspect of your ultimate goal, Libra: The relationships you develop must be fair and equal. This is sometimes difficult for you, because it means that you must pay as much attention to your own needs and values as to those of your partner. It may even be hard to know your own opinions at times, and it may be difficult to stand up for them if you think you will be making the other person unhappy or uncomfortable. This will be especially challenging if you know that standing up for yourself may mean the end of a relationship. This is your hardest lesson, Libra: you are learning the skills of healthy compromise, which means that while you may bend on certain issues, you may not compromise on your truth or your values."

Not ten minutes later, I got an email from a friend with this as the signature line:

"Take time to reflect. Discover what key ingredients are missing in your recipe for balance."

The universe is knocking, Gabe needs to go answer the door.

Good post Gabe, good post.

[Jon]

Originally Posted by Gabe

"Take time to reflect. Discover what key ingredients are missing in your recipe for balance."

I think I just heard a knock too....

[journeygal]

Great post Gabe!

[Ladybugg]

Gabe,

Great post!

I have been thinking about the very same things a WHOLE lot lately!

Thanks!!
Lady

[Paulie]

Good Stuff Gabe!!!!

[Gutterdrunk]

Originally Posted by Gabe

discomfort around anger and discord. You are willing to do almost anything in order to keep the peace and keep people smiling. This is both your gift and your downfall.

That has been something that I have stuggled with for, well, my whole life. Never wanting to break the peace, I stuff my feelings in, and then I explode, and, it's ugly. Or, I would just dive in to the bottle, or the pipe, pill bottle, and run and hide.



"Take time to reflect. Discover what key ingredients are missing in your recipe for balance."

I think I'll take that time.........

[Gabe]

It really is a gift and a downfall. Sure it's a gift to have a natural talent to make peace when there is discord, but not at the cost of your own feelings. And my own feelings often seem to get shoved in the corner when I go about my Codie, peace making ways.
My kids are the ones who taught me the appropriate ways of expressing anger and disappointment. In the worst part of Spicoli's drinking (while I was busy trying to smooth everything over and make things nice...as if) they were the ones who got in his face and let him have it about his unacceptable behaviors.
I'll never forget the night my oldest (who was 14 at the time) walked right up to Spicoli and said, "If you ever talk to my mother that way again, you're going to have to deal with me."
Now let me put this in perspective. At the time, my son was going about 5' 6' to Spicoli's 6' 2'. But the boy just astounded me with this confrontation. And I remember thinking "look at him standing up for me, when I don't even stand up for myself."
My kids have been my best teachers, and my biggest champions.
And for that (and a lot of other reasons) I will love them forever and ever.

[Gutterdrunk]

"Don't surround yourself with yourself."

nice.

[bikewench]

The universe is knocking, Gabe needs to go answer the door.

Luv that Gabe.


Balance...

I'm an excitement junkie... and I haven't found a program for that yet.. lol.. but that craving for input into my life grinds on me. I wish I could just be content with the moment... and not be wishing that such and such were different... cause I tend to cast about for anything to give me a jolt...

Speaking of peacemaking at any cost... I find that even at my age... and even knowing that I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself... I still cringe and get a tight gut when my mate starts to howl and growl. Even when he is in just a bad mood... I get very antsy... and I want to make whatever the problem is go away so that I don't have that feeling anymore. I'm learning to detach and go to another room..

I could relate to your 14 year old son telling off your guy. Right makes might eh?

[Gabe]

Hey bikewench,
That peace at any cost treaty needs to be revoked.
I'm convinced of that.
And so...I went to the door and let the Universe in.
Amazing things have happened since.
Funny how when you quit trying to manipulate your life, it just happens to you in a very good way.
To quote a new fave guitar player of mine...
"Wouldn't it be something...if everything changed."
That would be Howie Day.
He's got a way with words.
Gabe

[Magichappens]

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Gabe!
Gabe who?
Gabe you the answer but you wasn't listening!



Love ya Gabe!

[Gutterdrunk]

I keep asking God to email, fax, fed ex, (s**t, I'd settle for a carrier pidgeon) His plan for my life, so that I could sync it with my palm pilot, then plan accordingly. Truthfully, I would take that information, and twist it to my liking. But, fortunatly for me, it doesn't happen that way. As many times as I surrender, I take it back, and try to take charge of the results. But like you said Gabe, by letting go of your life, it just happens in a very good way.

That's one of the greatest blessings of my program, being mindful of the future, but still living in the momment.

That's another area of balance, in MY recipe, that needs work.

On the relationship aspect, My sponser tells me to keep reading my 1 year chip

"to thine own self be true"

[mackat]

magic---LOL!!
good thread gabe
I wuz out working on my boat late one night- way past HALT and just could not let it go. by now i was misplacing tools, getting epoxy evrywhere but where it needed to be, pulling wrong measurements - you get th picture. and still banging and stomping and swearing and .....then insight!! THIS IS HOW YOU DO EVERYTHING!
s'right- work, relationships, recreation, i realized- i just push way past sanity, give up taking care of myself, and eventually, predictably, comes the big self sabatoging crash!
This was insight big time. and i also know insight is only the very beginnings of changing behavior....
part of balance is for me to once more make the surrender- i have not been carried this far to be dropped
mackat

[SusannC]

Gabe, as usual, you have brought wisdom and sanity to a subject that I lack both of those things in. I will try to keep this concept in mind as I struggle with my codie need to make everything right for everyone around me at the cost of my own sanity. I am an Aquarius and we are peace-loving creatures with an eye on a much brighter future than what humanity is living today. This makes it hard to live in this current reality where people are struggling and fighting and slipping into insanity. It makes me feel insane and out of place. And I so often forget to take care of myself in the midst of trying to make everyone around me grow up and come into the future with me.
Thanks for this thread, Gabe, it really gave me something to think about.

Love you,
Susann

[runningfree]

Also a Libra... I am speechless! I don't know how to digest all of it because it is frighteningly true in so many ways!

[marblack]

I too can relate....I am also a Libra, and I am paired with a sobering aries. I just urn for balance in our relationship. But I always seem to be the one that compromises, giving myself much less then I started with. I have been very unhappy but still not willing to really deal with my situation. I truly feel mixed up and blue....any advice.....Down and Out!!!!! thanks... mar

[journeygal]

Hi Marblack and welcome.

It's up to you to be happy - no one can do it for you. A lot of times we look for others to provide needs that we never learned how to give ourselves, and we think if we're loving, supportive, and give all of ourselves to someone, they'll return the favor. Unfortunately, it often doesn't work out that way.

Try to start doing things for yourself that make you happy, like doing some activity you like but your SO doesn't like or saying no every once in a while. You can get your balance back but you have to be the one to work for it.

I'm glad you found us - keep coming back!

Take care,
JG

[Gabe]

Hey marblack,
It took me a long time to learn that I am responsible for the balance in my life. When I was looking to other people for that, I was always disappointed and emotionally bankrupt.
JG is right, doing things that make you happy is a big part of getting the scales back in balance.
Glad you joined us, stick around.
Gabe

[marblack]

Thanks for the welcome!!!!!


Yes you are right!!! I have lost myself in this relationship. He has been sober for a week. We have currently been together for 4 years and have a child together. He went sober do to the fact....he got drunk and ugly...and it was the last straw...after many fights...and I called the cops. It took alot of courage to do that. So mentally I told myself that the relationship was over. I figured when he got out of detox, my name would be the first on his list. Funny when the cops took him away. I mopped my floors and took a long bubble bath. He called and said the trip to detox opened his eyes, and he wanted to sober up. He wasn't mad at all. I was surprised, we talked and he promised me alot. Even said he would go to AA three times a week, he counsler at detox recommended. But he hasn'tattended any, I ask him when he plans to attend he blows up. So here we are working thru the MUD of the last four years of his drinking. I have alot of anger bottled up ...I want to scream....I hate YOU....for the verbal and physical abuse. But yet he really doesn't care to apologize. Today when I came in from work...he told me he wanted to work on this relationship for two more days...to see if we could have a day without a disagreement. I feel he isn't working on his part. Any advice..I am so glad I found you guys. mar

[Gabe]

Hey marblack,
He may not be doing his part. That's one of the things you have no control over. You can only do your part.
The way I see things, it takes two people working on it to heal a damaged relationship.
You can only make your contribution to this effort. After that, the ball is in his court.
Gabe