Relationships

[Gabe]

"Relationships thrill us, heal us, confound us, frustrate us. Every single one of us will struggle with them during the course of our lifetime. Relationships bring to us our most profoundly moving lessons in life. The people that we love the most are the ones that we open our hearts to. They may have long ago passed from this existence, and yet we hang on to the old pain, beating ourselves with it again and again.

There is no magic to forgiving and healing the relationships in our lives. Burning a candle cannot heal a pattern of miscommunication and lack of trust. Yet truly opening to forgiveness can do more than heal a relationship - it can heal our broken hearts. We do not need the knowledge, understanding, or cooperation of the other party involved. They do not need to be here with us on Earth, nor do we need to communicate with them physically.

What we do need is a sincere desire to forgive the past hurts, and to heal our pain within. It is possible for us to do this without ever interacting with the other person. Forgiveness does not mean inviting an abusive individual back into our lives. Forgiveness means clearing the residual effects of the pain that we still carry buried deeply within us. We must forgive others for our own sake, not because the other person deserves to be forgiven. We do this in order to set ourselves free."

~Rev. Peggy Ray

[journeygal]

Thanks Gabe. I definitely need to put forgiveness on my to-do list.

[Gabe]

I like the idea that forgiveness doesn't require the other person being around, be they passed on or alive.
The line that really got me in this passage was:
"Forgiveness means clearing the residual effects of the pain that we still carry buried deeply within us."
It's about dropping all the baggage that we carry around with us...not because we have to...but because (for some twisted reason) we still want to.
Travel light kids!
Peace,
Gabe

[bikewench]

Relationships thrill us, heal us, confound us, frustrate us.

I'm on the "confound and frustrate" part right now...

It's so frustrating when feelings aren't reciprocated. I feel like I'm dangling in the wind...

Intellectually.. I know that this tight choking feeling in my throat is because I have unmet expectations around someone... and I certainly know what a black sucking hole that can develop into...

I get so angry with myself...

I let this bleed into other areas of my life....

It makes me want to shut down emotionally... to become entirely functional in my relationships with males... just take what I want/need and selfishly focus my energy strictly on my own path...

But.. there's that damn "love" feeling... throwing a pipe wrench into my whole plan...


arrgghh


For today... I am going to focus on the things in MY life I can improve and I'm going to remember that sexual energy is just that.. energy... it can be redirected and add to my life rather than making me feel bereft.

[Gabe]

(((bikewench)))
I hate to quote Rick Springfield, but:
"Love hurts when only one's in love".
I've been where you are and I know how bad it hurts.
I literally had to tear myself away from the situation and start looking for healthier ways to spend what was in my heart.
You'll get there. It takes time.
Gabe

[bikewench]

Thanks for the hug Gabe..

I literally had to tear myself away from the situation and start looking for healthier ways to spend what was in my heart.

Removing the situation from my life.....

hmmm...

I just can't contemplate the loss of the things he ADDS to my life...

That's part of the problem.

I have so much fun with him... and he challenges my mind... my spirit...

Of course... this makes me want him in other ways... and he's pretty much "whatever..... " around that part.

Of course... I always want what I can't have.

That's what I have to change.

I have to give up my control issues around this... just receive the gift of joy from this person without trying to extend that into other areas by using him as a sexual object.


I have to pray for help to keep this in perspective.

[Gabe]

That's a tough situation bikewench.
I know what you mean about not wanting to give up what he adds to your life. And I could write a novel about "wanting what you can't have."
I guess instead of "take what you like and leave the rest"...
this is "take what you like and try not to think about the rest."
Don't get too far into that black hole, okay?
We need you around here. :veryhappy

[lynwill2]

That was great!

[journeygal]

Originally Posted by Gabe

"take what you like and try not to think about the rest."

Soooo, uh, how exactly do you do that???

[Gabe]

I'm not saying I could JG.
I'm just wondering if that would work for bikewench.
She seems to want to find a way to keep this guy in her life, enjoy what she gets from him, and not ask him for what he can't give her.
That would be a hard gig for me, considering the "always wanting what you can't have" factor.
That's why I had to make a clean break when I was in a similar situation.
What he added to my life was great, but I wasn't getting everything from him that I needed.
And my situation was the reverse of bikewench's. He was fine with the physical part of the relationship. Just not real big on the emotional part or being around much, except when it was convenient for him.
And while there was a time I regretted that whole experience, I don't now.
It was the beginning of my lesson that I need to be particular and not settle for less than what I deserve.
Who says HP doesn't have a perfect plan? I just don't get the details sometimes.

[bikewench]

She seems to want to find a way to keep this guy in her life, enjoy what she gets from him, and not ask him for what he can't give her.

That's exactly what I want Gabe.. good call.

Well.. To be truthful... that's what I'll settle for... ; )

I know I can't have everything... but I try. And that's my character defect. If I decide I want something... I can be blindly bullheaded about getting it... to the detriment of other areas of my life.
But.. I know I have to be realistic... and not let my fantasies run my life...



...anymore... ; )



I just have to keep my Higher Power between "P" and I.... and it's helps me so much to be able to lay the angst here... Power up... and get on with things... then it can only develop into it's greatest good...

So....thanks muchly for the input ...