Light bulb moment

[Gabe]

I was reading the "Loving The Wounded Child Within" post on the PTSD board this morning (good stuff, I highly recommend it). Then I did some journal writing and something very simple suddenly occurred to me. I often find myself in relationships with people who can't give me what I need. I don't know if this is a pattern I developed due to being the daughter and the wife of an alcoholic or not. Nonetheless, it seems to be a pattern.
Just recently, I've been trying to break out of that pattern and to be aware of what relationships I am forming and what they bring to me. That's really different for me, because I tend to be the caretaker and only think about what other people need.
Anyway, it's just an amazingly nice feeling to be aware of all that and to realize that I am now being particular about where I invest myself.
Peace,
Gabe

[Paulie]

That is awesome Gabe, we should be particular about where we invest ourselves. Well said and I need to think about that myself.

[JT]

That IS awesome Gabe. It is far too easy for me to enter into relationshionships with people who use me...being a giver leaves me vulnerable to that. Also the fact that I don't accept the giving that is offered me. I have to learn to relax and accept it when someone wants to do something for me. That is hard.

Hugs,
JT

[Gabe]

Originally Posted by Just Tired

It is far too easy for me to enter into relationshionships with people who use me.

That's been my MO for a long time JT. Without even realizing what I was doing, I found myself getting into relationships with people who always took and never gave back. I have a friend who used to call me "7-11" because (as he pointed out) I was like a convenience store. Everyone was free to come and take what they wanted, but I never got anything in return.
As with many of these issues, becoming aware of what I was doing was the first step towards making a change. I'm really tired of being overdrawn at the emotional bank.
Peace,
Gabe

[bikewench]

Gabe...

I give people second, third, endless chances....
I feel so frustrated right now.... all I can do is cry...

I just want to shut down.

[bikewench]

Meh....

Self pity...

Such a useless emotion... ; )

[Gabe]

((((bikewench))))
Sending some light your way.
We make it through this stuff...one day at a time.
Peace,
Gabe

[Paulie]

Well said JT, me too. I have learned in recovery that when I do that (which I still do today sometimes) it is my low self esteem, my first sponsor explained to me it was about me and my ego, nothing to do with being a 'people pleaser'.

[bikewench]

Low self esteem...

Yeah. What else can it be? Putting my "happy, joyous and free" in the hands of another person????

How insane is that????

But... I just seem to keep heading that way... like an old horse that thinks it's going home when in actuality I should be going in the other direction.
So... I guess it's just something that has to be changed a little bit at a time with patience and determination... and the wonderful clarifying support of all you people.

Gabe... your hugs and words of comfort mean a lot to me. I find that just vocalizing the angst helps get it past me...

Bless you all.

[Paulie]

Yep - insane, but so many of us do it. It is a process like recovery, actually it is part of recovery.

Together, we change, we don't have to do it alone.

[SusannC]

Wow...here I was on the Naranon board and hadn't even discovered this forum yet! Now I don't feel so alone! Everything you guys have said makes so much sense to me! I, too, am the constant giver just waiting for the return on my emotional investment and somehow alwys ending up "overdrawn" as Gabe put it so eloquently. But everyday I am working towards loving and giving to myself as much as I love and give to others. Thanks for being here!

Love,
Susann