I'm now the ex boyfriend

[Beanie1961]

back in dec i got really plastered while at a party with my then girlfriend. she noticed how i was getting and thought it was time to leave before i got worse. in the car on the way home she told me she saw me transforming into the bad person and said she would not be spending the night. that just lit the fire. she got out of the car to go into my house to get her things and as she got out of her car i pushed her in the snow and kicked snow on her. she got back in her car and locked it, i proceeded to rip off her door mirror. she called a friend to come and help get her things which she did and then they left. the following week i started going to AA meetings and started seeing a thereapist on regular basis. i did everything to get her back at times thinking I had her back but iI didn't. we now do not communicate at all, she told me she's done with me......Tomorrow I'm sober 100 days and I still see my therapist any advice out there for me....anything......

[stairs]

That's great about the 100 days. IDK, maybe write a letter asking forgiveness and focus on your sobriety and doing the next right thing, let time heal and see where it ends up.

[onlythetruth]

Beanie,

It's going to be tough to find people on this forum who haven't lost relationships due to their drinking. I certainly did. More than one in fact.

The reality is that when we treat people badly, they often decide they don't want to be around us. Sometimes that decision is permanent, particularly when we've crossed the line badly, as in physically assaulting someone and causing property damage.

What's to be done about it? The key, I think, is not to tie ourselves to the idea that we are changing to get a specific person to return to our lives. Instead we must change ourselves, FOR ourselves and our own futures. We do meet new people along the way and can comfort ourselves in knowing that we will never again lose a friendship or relationship because we hurt someone with our drinking.

[Beanie1961]

Thanks for the responses, if anyone else out there has any more insight I would deeply appreciate it....

[SOBERINNEPA]

Only The Truth has pretty much nailed it. Intrinsic to my recovery, and I suspect to a lot of others, is the need to face the consequences of my actions as an active drunk. It might be legal, financial or, in this case, personal. You very rarely get a "do over". You can try to make an amends to her but don't forget to make one to yourself also. I try to remind myself that I'm not the guy who acts that way anymore.

[Spinach]

Sounds like she was already to walk. I bet you knew your behaviour was getting too much.
Hope your not using for her and are doing it for yourself. Your description of pushing and kicking snow seems easy. Bet that was frightening for her. Why should she hang about.
Keep on the fantastic work your doing for yourself, then find someone who never needs to see how **** using makes you .
Oh and if you think I don't know what I'm talking about Ive been in relationships were that's been me and in a relationship that had the tables turned.
Your doing the right thing just make sure your doing it for the right reasons.
John.

[Beanie1961]

she was ready to walk, she had given me prior warnings about my actions and suggested I get help. I went to my therapist a few times and then thought I could handle things on my own.....didn't think I was an alcoholic....suprise...I am doing this for myself, have to. should I keep the faith about being with her again or just move on?

[illbewaiting]

First off, congratulations to you on your 100 days, that is excellent.
Second, I'd just move on. I think you're giving yourself false hope by trying to work your recovery and still trying to get her back. Get clean,get healthy.. then maybe one day you can pursue a fresh start with her. For now, you need to focus on you and pursue no relationship, especially one with her.
She left for a reason, she was afraid of you, and she is probably working on her own recovery from what you put her through.. you both need to get better right now.
Keep on the straight and narrow, and good things will come to you when you are ready for them.

[Beanie1961]

i made my amends to her and had her mirror fixed within the week of it happening. i have left her alone and that is my intent. for the next month and a half after it happened we spent time together and she was very supportive of me going to the therapist and to AA and it actually felt like we had a chance to make it. she saw the progress I was making, it felt and feels wonderful, then bam!. I could start seeing the resentment in her eyes, one day it was awesome the next day she wanted nothing to do with me it was a terrible roller coaster ride....anxieties......out of this world. then she started cutting off communication ....I know i need to let her go and I am but it also feels good to talk about it in this venue with all you knowledgeable people. I appreciate everyones comments, I truely do...Just trying to work this out of me so I can move on with my life..

[Flyersfan]

Originally Posted by Spinach

Sounds like she was already to walk. I bet you knew your behaviour was getting too much.
Hope your not using for her and are doing it for yourself. Your description of pushing and kicking snow seems easy. Bet that was frightening for her. Why should she hang about.
Keep on the fantastic work your doing for yourself, then find someone who never needs to see how **** using makes you .
Oh and if you think I don't know what I'm talking about Ive been in relationships were that's been me and in a relationship that had the tables turned.
Your doing the right thing just make sure your doing it for the right reasons.
John.

Yeah , she was already ready... just needed a reason... I'd normally saw start in a new direction but if you think she is the one... The letter advice is not bad... that is if she isnt already seeing someone else

Matt

[Beanie1961]

whats wrong with having a little faith? i'm surviving on faith right now, its all i have.......believe in the impossible....alcohol made a good man bad, i'm off the alcohol the good man is back!!

[Beanie1961]

Am i looking at my situation with rose colored sunglasses?

[onlythetruth]

Beanie, there's nothing wrong with having faith, but all too often what folks call "having faith" really boils down to a failure to accept reality.

[Beanie1961]

I have accepted the reality of this and her decision and I do have faith that one day things can be different. I have nothing to lose by having faith in it, do I?

[Flyersfan]

Originally Posted by Beanie1961

i made my amends to her and had her mirror fixed within the week of it happening. i have left her alone and that is my intent. for the next month and a half after it happened we spent time together and she was very supportive of me going to the therapist and to AA and it actually felt like we had a chance to make it. she saw the progress I was making, it felt and feels wonderful, then bam!. I could start seeing the resentment in her eyes, one day it was awesome the next day she wanted nothing to do with me it was a terrible roller coaster ride....anxieties......out of this world. then she started cutting off communication ....I know i need to let her go and I am but it also feels good to talk about it in this venue with all you knowledgeable people. I appreciate everyones comments, I truely do...Just trying to work this out of me so I can move on with my life..

Guessing your fairly young? Get better there are a lot of LADIESSSSS out there

[Beanie1961]

No, I'm not that young......I know there are lots of ladies out there...just have to get through this

[onlythetruth]

Originally Posted by Beanie1961

I have accepted the reality of this and her decision and I do have faith that one day things can be different. I have nothing to lose by having faith in it, do I?

Maybe it's a definitional thing, Beanie. I think of having faith as meaning that you really believe something will happen.

So, the way I look at it, anytime you "have faith" regarding an outcome when you have no control over that outcome and no logical reason to think it will happen, you run the risk of being disappointed or even devastated when the outcome doesn't occur.

It may be better to think of it as having hope. When you have hope, you can accept the reality that a particular outcome probably won't happen while acknowledging that you would like it to.

[Charon]

Originally Posted by Beanie1961

......Tomorrow I'm sober 100 days and I still see my therapist any advice out there for me....anything......

Whoopie sh1t - wow - and 100 days gives you a pass? You blew it big time. Try not to do the same if you get another chance at romance. I've got no sympathy. I'd say sorry but I just can't.

[illbewaiting]

WOW. Are you people kidding me? Yea, tough love can be alright sometimes, but I think a few of you are going a bit overboard. This poor guy is doing what he's supposed to be doing, he's staying sober and he's pursuing a sober life.. and you're going to kick him while he's down just because he's hung up on this woman he did wrong?
Yes, he probably won't ever get a shot with this woman, and yes she has every right and reason to stay the hell away from him.. but what makes you think you have the right to knock him like this?
Would you have liked it if someone spoke so harshly to you when you were newly sober? I think your first instinct probably would have been to go hit the bottle again because you were already feeling bad enough about the whole situation.
He came here for SUPPORT and a little friendly advice. There's a big difference between being realistic and a little tough and down right cruel and rude.
Some of you really need to check yourselves, because it that's how you talk to everyone else on here I bet you're doing more harm than good.
Think about that. And I'm not looking for any arguments, I just think you need to recall how fragile people can be in the early stages of recovery.

[Beanie1961]

Originally Posted by Charon

Whoopie sh1t - wow - and 100 days gives you a pass? You blew it big time. Try not to do the same if you get another chance at romance. I've got no sympathy. I'd say sorry but I just can't.

No, 100 days does not give me anything but being sober that long. I understand the severity of my actions and have never denied them to anyone. Unfortunately I have been taught one of lifes tough lessons and if I'm blessed to be in new romance I wll take the lessons I learned from and be the man I'm supposed to be, loving, supportive...At no point in my comments did I ask for anyones sympathy nor will I. I appreciate your comments...