Need clarification - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

loveb · 12-23-2003, 10:01 PM

Hello All,
I am hoping that you all could help me. I have been happy dating a man for a few months now. He has 4 1/2 years of sorbriety under his belt. He attends meetings regularly and is sponsering two other individuals. Like us all, he has a very stressful life and seems to juggle with many things. My question / fear is...Can a recovering alcoholic carry on a "normal" relationship? He tends to isolate himself. How can I learn to understand his needs and accept them without losing myself?

journeygal · 12-23-2003, 10:26 PM

Hi Loveb and welcome.

Well, considering he has 4 1/2 years sober, what you see is pretty much what you're going to get! My guess is that the isolating he does is just a part of his personality, not necessarily related to his alcoholism. However, the most important thing is for you to understand your own needs and determine if you're getting them met. Trying to figure out what he needs and neglecting your own is a sure way to lose yourself.

I'm glad you found us and I hope you keep coming back.

Hugs,
JG

Dragnmorad · 12-26-2003, 10:57 AM

any relationship requires communication & the isolationism is a trait most alcoholics get into towards the end of thier drinking careers & it is a hard & bad habit to break. He may not even realize he is doing it. Talk to him about it, but like Journeygal said.. what you see is what you get... it may just be him.

harrisfox · 12-29-2003, 02:05 PM

Hi loveb...
I am dealing with the same with mine. Although we have taken a break for awhile. I have used this forum to listen and get other people's advice and interpretation on everything. It has been very helpful for me and hopefully it'll do the same for you. I'm here if you ever want to chat.

JEN

12-23-2003, 10:01 PM	#1 (permalink)
loveb Paused Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: new York New York Posts: 1	Need clarification Hello All, I am hoping that you all could help me. I have been happy dating a man for a few months now. He has 4 1/2 years of sorbriety under his belt. He attends meetings regularly and is sponsering two other individuals. Like us all, he has a very stressful life and seems to juggle with many things. My question / fear is...Can a recovering alcoholic carry on a "normal" relationship? He tends to isolate himself. How can I learn to understand his needs and accept them without losing myself?

12-23-2003, 10:26 PM	#2 (permalink)
journeygal believer Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: walking in faith Posts: 1,030	Hi Loveb and welcome. Well, considering he has 4 1/2 years sober, what you see is pretty much what you're going to get! My guess is that the isolating he does is just a part of his personality, not necessarily related to his alcoholism. However, the most important thing is for you to understand your own needs and determine if you're getting them met. Trying to figure out what he needs and neglecting your own is a sure way to lose yourself. I'm glad you found us and I hope you keep coming back. Hugs, JG __________________ Whether they find recovery or not, we survive...and then we thrive. ~Gabe

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12-26-2003, 10:57 AM	#3 (permalink)
Dragnmorad Member Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Yonkers NY Posts: 10	any relationship requires communication & the isolationism is a trait most alcoholics get into towards the end of thier drinking careers & it is a hard & bad habit to break. He may not even realize he is doing it. Talk to him about it, but like Journeygal said.. what you see is what you get... it may just be him.

12-29-2003, 02:05 PM	#4 (permalink)
harrisfox Paused Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Prescott, AZ Posts: 3	Hi loveb... I am dealing with the same with mine. Although we have taken a break for awhile. I have used this forum to listen and get other people's advice and interpretation on everything. It has been very helpful for me and hopefully it'll do the same for you. I'm here if you ever want to chat. JEN

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