Saw my ex-girlfriend with another man

[DeusX]

I entered recovery about a year and a half ago...last summer I moved into an apartment building and soon met and started dating a girl that lives in the same building...All was going well we shared halloween, thanksgiving and christmas together, we fell in love.

I met her mom and she met mine, everybody was happy, her mom said I was the best thing to happen to her. She went to the hospital for the entire month of January (eating disorder treatment) and I visited her everyday.

Soon after she got out, about a month ago, things started going south. When we spoke of the future I was no longer in hers, it was subtle but I noticed it. Then she started going to the casino until late with friends and to the movie theatre with friends, which was fine I guess but it seemed like something wasn't right. The sex slowed to a stop and she then told me she didn't want to be in a relationship any longer that she needed to "work on her self" and that I, "deserved someone better".

So three weeks go by and I am slowly moving on, then tonight I looked out my window and she and a guy got out of a car together, they were clearly more than friends. Now she is in the same building with this new guy and I have to see it.

Wow, it felt like a gigantic kick to the chest, my heart started racing and still is. A crushing feeling in my chest and my mind is racing as fast as my heart. If she needed to be on her own to work on herself then why a new guy right away?

I am starting to piece things together and its obvious this probably started about the time she got out of the hospital. or maybe its my alcoholic mind messing with me.

I don't know, what I do know is that right now I feel worse than I ever have in sobriety. Sad, angry, jealous, rejected etc....

[Tatertot]

Hi DeusX,

Although I don't have personal experience with what you're going through, I can understand it.

My bf lives in a "dry", low-income apartment complex kind of like the one you describe. Almost everyone's window looks down on the road and everyone sees everyone and it's hard not to be in everyone's business because everyone talks.

I put up with it because I love my bf and I'm only there 2 - 3 nights of the week. Right now, for us, it makes more sense for me to go to his place rather than him come to mine. BUT I see this drama unfolding all around me and everyone I talk to knows what's happening with everyone else in the building.

I just know that I could never live in an environment like that. I value privacy. My only suggestion to you is that, if you want to escape that kind of environment and especially if you don't want to go on torturing yourself by seeing your ex all the time, have you considered moving? I think someone can only take so much of a place like that before going insane!

However, some friends of mine who USED to be a couple (they both also live in the same building) went through something very similar to you. They dated for almost a year and then broke up (because HE wanted to "find himself"). I'm pretty sure he stayed single, but he had to watch her go through a couple of other guys for almost a year before they decided to give it a try again... It's been about 2 months and they are still dating so we'll see where it goes...

In any case I feel for you and just hope that you can find a way to either detach from her completely and not care what you see or who tells you what about her and what she's doing, or if at all possible remove yourself from the environment totally and just move.

Hugs,

T