breaking up is hard to do - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

o2008 · 02-26-2012, 06:21 PM

I need some advice. i have been sober for almost four years, and i have been dating a woman with amost two years sober. I like everything about her except she cannot have children, and I want to have children someday. We tried to keep our relationship casual, but it went on for 10 months and I have developed feelings for her. I had a serious talk with her about these issues a month ago, and she said she knew that this would be a problem, and I really felt like this is a source of her negative feelings that all of us addicts have about ourselves. I felt horrible, but I also felt that I must be honest about the situation. I feel that I owe her that. We dropped the whole subject and went back to "normal". it all came back up last night, and we broke up. We are not mad at each other, but i am really sad and I'm wondering if I have done the right thing. I just want to know if anyone out there has been through a relationship that ends over a life goal and not over the other person?

soberlicious · 02-26-2012, 06:26 PM

There are other ways to create a family if someone is biologically/medically unable to have children. My pregnancy was medically assisted. Adoption, surrogacy, there are many options. Might some of these work for you guys down the road?

o2008 · 02-26-2012, 07:14 PM

I don't know.. Probably the only option would be adoption because she had a historectomy. I don't know how I feel about that. I guess I have to think about if she is more important than my wants. This is a biggie though. I don't want to hurt her. It may be too late for that. I just don't like the feeling that my selfish choice to have a girl around has turned into me and her getting our feelings hurt. She is not innocent because she knew how I felt from the start, but we are reaping the consequences of our choice to not be "lonely"

soberlicious · 02-26-2012, 07:24 PM

Yes, complicated to say the least, matters of the heart can be like that. I'm sorry you are going through this.

alcohore · 03-26-2012, 06:35 PM

This is a crappy situation to be in, but I think considering other options, like adoption, is worthwhile. It depends on how important this woman is to you. That being said, please don't beat yourself up if your desire to have your own child is stronger than your love for her. Do what you gotta do.

02-26-2012, 06:21 PM	#1 (permalink)
o2008 Member Join Date: Feb 2012 Location: Madison, TN Posts: 2	breaking up is hard to do I need some advice. i have been sober for almost four years, and i have been dating a woman with amost two years sober. I like everything about her except she cannot have children, and I want to have children someday. We tried to keep our relationship casual, but it went on for 10 months and I have developed feelings for her. I had a serious talk with her about these issues a month ago, and she said she knew that this would be a problem, and I really felt like this is a source of her negative feelings that all of us addicts have about ourselves. I felt horrible, but I also felt that I must be honest about the situation. I feel that I owe her that. We dropped the whole subject and went back to "normal". it all came back up last night, and we broke up. We are not mad at each other, but i am really sad and I'm wondering if I have done the right thing. I just want to know if anyone out there has been through a relationship that ends over a life goal and not over the other person?

02-26-2012, 06:26 PM	#2 (permalink)
soberlicious Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..." Posts: 3,109	There are other ways to create a family if someone is biologically/medically unable to have children. My pregnancy was medically assisted. Adoption, surrogacy, there are many options. Might some of these work for you guys down the road?

02-26-2012, 07:14 PM	#3 (permalink)
o2008 Member Join Date: Feb 2012 Location: Madison, TN Posts: 2	I don't know.. Probably the only option would be adoption because she had a historectomy. I don't know how I feel about that. I guess I have to think about if she is more important than my wants. This is a biggie though. I don't want to hurt her. It may be too late for that. I just don't like the feeling that my selfish choice to have a girl around has turned into me and her getting our feelings hurt. She is not innocent because she knew how I felt from the start, but we are reaping the consequences of our choice to not be "lonely"

02-26-2012, 07:24 PM	#4 (permalink)
soberlicious Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..." Posts: 3,109	Yes, complicated to say the least, matters of the heart can be like that. I'm sorry you are going through this.

03-26-2012, 06:35 PM	#5 (permalink)
alcohore Member Join Date: Mar 2012 Posts: 3	This is a crappy situation to be in, but I think considering other options, like adoption, is worthwhile. It depends on how important this woman is to you. That being said, please don't beat yourself up if your desire to have your own child is stronger than your love for her. Do what you gotta do.

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