Getting Sober vs. Divorce......which one is tougher to get through

[drummy891]

For those of you out there that have gotten sober and divorced.......which one was tougher to get through?

[Surlyredhead]

They both sucked in the beginning, but in the end, both were worth the pain.

[Bayman]

In my case the Divorce was harder to deal with than sobriety. But the blessing is the breakup caused me to get sober, and for that I am grateful.

[ODAT63]

mY xah left me after a year of his sobriety, 9 month later he got drunk and wanted me to take him back. I was going to al-anon and I told him no way, until he gets sober for a year and work the steps, which meant to make amends to me and our children for all the abuse he put us thru.
A year has gone by since then, I have no idea what he is doing, maybe he found another victim, not sure.
Divorce was very hard on me, he took the "suckers" choices, either I get sober or I get divorce, why not I can get sober and be married.
Not sure why alcoholics make such choices, but I believe that things are the way they are and we all are exacly were we suppose to be.
Good luck to you!

[beeswax]

Originally Posted by ODAT63

mY xah left me after a year of his sobriety, 9 month later he got drunk and wanted me to take him back. I was going to al-anon and I told him no way, until he gets sober for a year and work the steps, which meant to make amends to me and our children for all the abuse he put us thru.
A year has gone by since then, I have no idea what he is doing, maybe he found another victim, not sure.
Divorce was very hard on me, he took the "suckers" choices, either I get sober or I get divorce, why not I can get sober and be married.
Not sure why alcoholics make such choices, but I believe that things are the way they are and we all are exacly were we suppose to be.
Good luck to you!

I'm glad I'm not the only one who wonders why that option isn't on my AH's radar. I tell him that once I see that he's sober and supporting himself for a year, we can then move onto fixing our marriage and our family. He counters with, "You never loved me. No one did. Everyone gives up on me. I can't be here with my family, and I'm not free to move on because you want to wait until I'm clean to decide things..... Wah-wah-wah."

I told him that if my options are to be with him while he's in active addiction or to file for divorce right now, I have to take the divorce. I have small children whose needs must come before the AH. (A whole other issue... Why does he not choose to take the needs of his children into account here? But that's a whole other post.....)

[Muunray]

Both were a pain in the ass and I wish I had done both sooner!

[onlythetruth]

Of the two, the divorce was far more painful. Quitting alcohol was tough but felt positive. The divorce felt like a failure. Both were necessary, and I would do both again, but there is no question that the divorce was harder.

[wow04]

I know I am a little late to this thread, but I have to respond.

For me, getting sober was way harder. I wanted the divorce, though.

[SOBERINNEPA]

I didn't want the divorce, she was trading "up". I started drinking about a year after and drinking alcoholically two years after that. After an insane three year tear I got sober.

Which was harder? I think the divorce.

Yeah, the divorce was harder and drinking with self-destructive intent was terrible. Although I couldn't see it that way at the time.

Getting, and staying, sober was easy, by comparison, because the benefits are tangible and immediate.

Now detox - that was a pain in the a$$!

[oldgrowth]

Dito