aloneness = recovery again

[swampy]

Someone posted here about a year ago (longtime, i know) about them being sober and working a program for over 2 years and still feeling lonely, alone, and not finding a significant other in that amount of time.They were asking if recovery, did infact lead to loneliness, or make it that much harder to meet anyone? I can totally relate to this, as I had 18 months of sobriety and then blew it on getting together with an old girfriend who i know still used. Honestly, it was so much easier hooking up with people that are in those settings like bars, and whatnot. I am sorry, but it was so friggin hard to meet anyone when i was sober and at times, and it just sucked. I felt like an outcast because some people knew I did not drink. I know this all sounds like a pity party and some are going to say it's because I did not work a good enough program and i should have been content with myself. It's kind of ironic that the people that were telling me just this (sponsor and some fellow addicts in my na group) had significant others and were not in the same situation. basically, easier said then done. anyway, here i am back again 3 days sober now. In major pain and feeling utterly alone. Granted I have been married, have had girlfriends, 2 kids, so it's not like i am not capable of getting these things. Just seems alot harder. again, as I type this I see that I have some serious low self esteem issues and am not at all comfotable in my own skin, and just liking and existing with mysef. Boy, do i have alot of work... thanks for reading.

[trapeze]

No brilliant words of wisdom from me, other than looking for someone else to fill a hole in your life is a tough order. Coming up with constructive, fun, non-drinking things to do may be more productive, and in the course of doing these things, who knows, you might find someone who has the same interest.

Life can be lonely sometimes. Don't think you can blame it on sobriety. We all have to learn how to live so that we don't feel lonely, or at least not much.

Keep up the good work.

[kurtrambis]

Understand totally swampy. I'm in the same boat. I take what people say in AA with a pinch of salt, although often valuable its often just their opinions. Everybody's struggle is different. For some its harder.

I once sort advice form somebody who was a lot into the big book. Found out they never suffered from depression or got withdrawals! What ever their problem with alcohol was it was completely different than mine.

[swampy]

Thanks for responding folks. don't really know what to say other that I have been trying to take my mind off of the situation I posted about, and have been looking inward and have maintained sobriety for 9 days so far....

[Wolfchild]

Thank you for caring about yourself to stay sober for nine days!!

For me, i've learned that it's not really beneficial to my recovery if i have unrealistic expectations of others (including myself!!). There's an inborn need within to want love and acceptance from others (including myself!!). It's how i go about finding that and what i do with it once i accept it, that shows me that i need to keep reality in proper perspective. Sure, i could do alot of things for people in the hopes that they will feel an obligation to treat me nice and special, but who am i harming most with that attitude? Through being willing to open my heart up to myself, my sponsor, & the God of my understanding thru the 12 Steps, i am able better able to see the kindness and compassion already being extended to me. i become more humble as i realize that spiritual principles are not given to me as rewards for doing the right things for the right reasons. They are what they are and it's myself i need to change in order to allow them to be the foundation of my life and my recovery.

Keep moving forward as best you can and maintain your sobriety!

[Whadahay]

My advice is to get involved with AA service work. Help bring AA meetings into the local jails, nursing homes, assisted living homes, detox centers, treatment facilities, communicating with the professionals of your community what AA is and what it isn't. You will add depth and dimension to your sobriety in leaps and bounds. This is where you will learn how to OWN yourself and your sobriety! Anytime you step out of your comfort zone to do the next right thing is an opportunity for spiritual growth. It'll also help you get your focus off of what you don't have and you will gain a gratitude for what you DO have!