Letting Go of Romantic Feelings

[ClayTheScribe]

I'm not actually in a relationship, so I'm sure the moderators will kick me out if this doesn't work here.

Ever since I graduated two months ago from college and ever since I started Wellbutrin, my sex drive has been going crazy (which is more complicated since I've never had sex), but moreso the wanting of romantic love has been way turned up. Almost every other thought revolves around sex or being in a relationship and wanting. The thing is, I don't need a relationship now, or rather it's not the right time for me to be in one. I'm unemployed, I live with my parents, I have a beat up car, I have only a few decent outfits, I have acne and I'm about 70 pounds overweight. I'm not good boyfriend material and I recognize that, but I can't seem to keep the wanting and desire at bay. Furthermore I know relationships come when you least expect it, when you're doing your thing but I can't seem to get my heart and mind on the same page. Oh I also have depression I'm being treated for and I've only had one relationship 8 years ago.

I was just wondering if anyone had any tactics or meditation exercises for processing desires or keeping them at bay? It's really interfering with my concentration and the desire is a longing that just makes my depression worst. I know the best way is to get involved in something you love and I'm trying that and going to volunteer, but it's still there.

I'm not really looking to be talked into go out searching for love 'cause now is not the right time.

[kotabear]

why don't you get a hobby, excerising, yoga, weight lifting, reading the bible can always help, with pray.

Good luck, in your troubles, I hope you find you way. Focus on yourself, and finding yourself.

Oh and there is nothing wrong with hookin yourself up... till that someone special comes along.

Until then love yourself, and to tye own self be true!

Take Care,
Kota

[ClayTheScribe]

Originally Posted by kotabear

why don't you get a hobby, excerising, yoga, weight lifting, reading the bible can always help, with pray.

Good luck, in your troubles, I hope you find you way. Focus on yourself, and finding yourself.

Oh and there is nothing wrong with hookin yourself up... till that someone special comes along.

Until then love yourself, and to tye own self be true!

Take Care,
Kota

Thanks Kota,

I do exercise, mostly cardio 6 times a week for 30-60 minutes which makes me feel better, though doesn't stem the sexual urges. I'm too fat for yoga and I'm an atheist but I was considering reading the Bible for educational purposes.

I've been told not to focus on myself so I'm getting into volunteering. Mostly though I need a job and things will be better.

I still struggle with loving myself, but I'm getting better with help from friends. I mainly just don't know how to love myself, the depression won't let me.

[Live]

Clay, at your age...the statistics show that you will have sexual thoughts every 8 seconds. LOL I don't quite get that...if it were me by the time I finished the thought it would be time for another one!
Could it be a side effect of the Welbutrin or anxiety?
It is well known that anxiety often seeks relief through sex.
Or perhaps these are just very normal longings.
I don't know what is a distraction for you....I get lost in books when I want to and that works for me...that is my escape route and diversion when I need it and also just something I love. Whatever it is for you, it will have to be something that takes ALL your attention.

I don't see your weight, your illness of depression (which is common and being treated) and other factors as making you unavailable for dating, it is your decision not to date.

So, a post of non-answers! LOL

i just wanted to say that your longings are normal. And you are a cool guy.

best wishes,
live

[wanting]

I don't think there is anything wrong with your longings, and I think trying to suppress it will only make things worse. It seems like your head is in the right place - you know you're not emotionally ready, so stick with that. Something that helped me in the relationship area was to make a list of what I wanted in a partner, and check the qualities that I still need to develop in myself. For example, I want a guy with a healthy self-esteem. Well, I need to get there myself, because if I have a low self-esteem, all I'm going to attract are guys with low self-esteem. While you're developing into the person you need to be to attract the kind of partner you want to be with, there ain't nuthin' wrong with taking matters into your own hands (wink, wink) to get over the urge and move on to what you have to do for the day!

[ClayTheScribe]

Originally Posted by liveweyerd

Clay, at your age...the statistics show that you will have sexual thoughts every 8 seconds. LOL I don't quite get that...if it were me by the time I finished the thought it would be time for another one!
Could it be a side effect of the Welbutrin or anxiety?
It is well known that anxiety often seeks relief through sex.
Or perhaps these are just very normal longings.

It's probably all three to be honest. My sexual yearnings did go up when I started the Wellbutrin.

I don't know what is a distraction for you....I get lost in books when I want to and that works for me...that is my escape route and diversion when I need it and also just something I love. Whatever it is for you, it will have to be something that takes ALL your attention.

I suppose writing is that way for me, but that's the same problem I can't get a date, or even a number: anxiety. The writing's easier to get over, I just make it more of a big deal than it is, and at least there's no rejection.

I don't see your weight, your illness of depression (which is common and being treated) and other factors as making you unavailable for dating, it is your decision not to date.

Well I'm less likely than a fit guy to get the type of woman I'm attracted to, which I know means I need to lower my standards which I have. It's just the thought of approaching a woman to talk to to hopefully hit it off almost makes me nauseous from anxiety. I can't even approach someone for a networking connection. I'm trying the free dating sites right now because I can't afford Match.com but nothing's really happening because someone on this forum said most people on free sites don't take dating too serious. It's definitely more than my decision not to date. I have to be attractive too, and have money and a job. I don't know any woman who would want to date a guy who's unemployed and broke. That's what I'm getting at, I want these yearnings for a relationship to go away and they won't. It's stressful and irritating.

So, a post of non-answers! LOL

i just wanted to say that your longings are normal. And you are a cool guy.

best wishes,
live

I know they're normal, I just want them to stop!

I guess I just need to be more patient and try to find some more self-esteem and confidence, which is an uphill battle.

[Live]

Clay,

I am going to be upfront and honest in that what women look for are different according to their ages.
A young woman who wants to marry and have a family will look for stability as in job, car etc, she will want these things eventually...but really, dear, you just graduated from college very, very recently so I don't think those are as big of obstacles as you think they are.
What would you want with someone so superficial that your weight determines whether a girl likes you or not????
I am a gal, 50 years old, so i am going to pull rank on you and say that I have seen and heard alot as well as have some living experience.
Believe, me...women are wanting to meet men!
And, just after my divorce, i was thinking i am 50, divorced twice, mentally ill...who would ever want me....and I have gone up from a small size to yes, getting fat too.
Well, I went out...and danged it I didn't get asked out every darned time! But I didn't want to just go out with anybody, everybody and then by coincidence and a bit of experience I met someone with a mind who is lining up to be lucky number 3.

I used to be shy, I didn't know how to talk to people, I still don't get the small talk thing that comes naturally to other people. But I learned something working in the hospitality business...and that is, that I say Hi, how are you? to anyone who comes within 10 feet of me.
Now, with you being a journalist and me being intrigued by the human psyche and sociology....well, we interview people right?
And I find people like someone to talk with......most of them are just as shy and insecure as we are. So I just say hi, hang around a bit and listen for some common interest or something that interests me and ask them about it..and just converse.
I know you are a smart guy and have a broad enough knowledge to carry on a conversation with someone about their interests and it is something you will be doing as your chosen occupation, so...
don't hit on a girl or come up with a line....just say hi, how are you, compliment something that isn't cliche or join in the conversation intelligently that is all ready in progress and tell that mating instinct to shut up for the moment, you are just meeting people and working on conquering your anxiety if nothing else than for the sake of practicing interviewing people for journalism.

wait a minute...I just interviewed my man and he has alot of smarts about this so...

[Live]

okay, my man has tons of great advice...too bad i couldn't listen and simply dictate.
He says, forget bars as I know you choose to, just go about your daily life and be observant. Be upfront and honest, excuse me, i don't know much about the area here, where do people go to have fun, what is there to do around here etc? NEVER,NEVER give a gal the lookover with eyes, ya know? He also says that if there is more than one girl to not give any one of them particular interest or attention but to pay equal attention to all. Be observant and respond to the body language and clues..if y'all are having fun he says we often invite you along to wherever we are going for fun. Don't ask for phone numbers...he says that if you are having fun it will come up naturally and y'all will be talking about what fun y'all are having and some other fun things that y'all might like to do or be interested in and you can offer your email or such.
He says the first thing that always comes to people's minds even if not consciously is "Why are you single?" i don't see why that is any thing for you to worry about, heck, you were focused on college and achieved that and are focusing on finding a career in your field. But keep in mind that your goal is meeting people and having fun not seeking that "one woman"...that scares everybody. If you project that you are desperate, men and women alike want nothing to do with that. He says women want men to be honest, upfront and strong, but not overbearing. You have plenty of intellectual strength. Use it.
Read the clues. You can join in any conversation, just don't become the pedantic or correct errors when meeting people. Let it go. Just observe, respond appropriately. If she wants to get things moving too fast, tell her...hey, I don't want to mess this up.
Ha, I have got to laugh at and with my man...he is 45 years old and never married, but he made dating and women a matter of research for a good many years now. He also had anxiety...but he starts conversations with women and then listens closely. That is how he has found out so much about women. He listened to married women gripe about their partners and found out what women wanted but weren't getting and etc etc etc.
And I am going to tell you...that i just found out, he used a bit of trickery in meeting me...I thought it was totally accidental...but this week I found out that he spotted me sitting next to a friend in a casino keeping her company but not gambling, when I got up to go get a drink, he took my seat so that when I came back, he got up and said excuse me, was this your seat, do you want to play here? Such that I laughed and said that I wasn't playing and I had been sitting long enough, keep the seat. And he told me he was new to the area and with his cousins who wanted to get him out and gee! so was I..so we talked about where we were from and what we thought about our new location.
What's for fun around here? Well, I was headed downtown to an arts and wine street fest and he was headed to a pay per view live boxing show their in the casino. Gee....I like boxing and I would rather do that! Really! So I mention that i like boxing. I don't like the martial arts tho'. Unknown to me, he is a martial artist, but didn't say a word or address that at that time. He asked if I wanted to come along to see the boxing and that his 2 cousins would be there. I decided, yeah, that's what I wanted to do.
Mind you neither of us was on the hunt or looking for someone...a good time just happened available and we took up on it. We had such fun talking and laughing that we didn't want the night to end with the boxing match....so we all joined up and went to a club for a bit...and we both knew and were honest that we'd like to meet up again sometime. He asked if I wanted his email or number and I said no and just gave him mine.
Etiquette says you wait 3 days to call and make an invite IN ADVANCE for something fun.
I accepted several dinner dates just to get out .....but an invitation to a fun event would be better, I would think.
So, if you hit it off, you are going to know, if not, well you had a fun time and some practice.
He also did something sneaky....he put in his pocket pc what I was wearing and all the details of meeting me...just in case, he says it is a secret guy thing?
But it doesn't cost money if you all start shining on each other to say "I remember seeing you at such and such and you were wearing blah, blah, and it was this day,month etc.
He says we girls are big on anniversaries?
And basically, again, if you listen, we will tell you what we like.
And then you know what to do.

If he would have hit on me or acted like he was after a date, I would have shied off, to be honest. And all this time I thought I picked him up to go see the boxing! LOL When really he set it all up.
He says we gals will be the aggressors to a point as I guess I was in our conversation about where ya from, what ya doing here and hey, I think I would rather go with you for boxing rather than that street fest.

So the issue now is anxiety right???????????????

hugs,
Tena

[ClayTheScribe]

Originally Posted by liveweyerd

okay, my man has tons of great advice...too bad i couldn't listen and simply dictate.
He says, forget bars as I know you choose to, just go about your daily life and be observant. Be upfront and honest, excuse me, i don't know much about the area here, where do people go to have fun, what is there to do around here etc? NEVER,NEVER give a gal the lookover with eyes, ya know? He also says that if there is more than one girl to not give any one of them particular interest or attention but to pay equal attention to all. Be observant and respond to the body language and clues..if y'all are having fun he says we often invite you along to wherever we are going for fun. Don't ask for phone numbers...he says that if you are having fun it will come up naturally and y'all will be talking about what fun y'all are having and some other fun things that y'all might like to do or be interested in and you can offer your email or such.
He says the first thing that always comes to people's minds even if not consciously is "Why are you single?" i don't see why that is any thing for you to worry about, heck, you were focused on college and achieved that and are focusing on finding a career in your field. But keep in mind that your goal is meeting people and having fun not seeking that "one woman"...that scares everybody. If you project that you are desperate, men and women alike want nothing to do with that. He says women want men to be honest, upfront and strong, but not overbearing. You have plenty of intellectual strength. Use it.
Read the clues. You can join in any conversation, just don't become the pedantic or correct errors when meeting people. Let it go. Just observe, respond appropriately. If she wants to get things moving too fast, tell her...hey, I don't want to mess this up.
Ha, I have got to laugh at and with my man...he is 45 years old and never married, but he made dating and women a matter of research for a good many years now. He also had anxiety...but he starts conversations with women and then listens closely. That is how he has found out so much about women. He listened to married women gripe about their partners and found out what women wanted but weren't getting and etc etc etc.
And I am going to tell you...that i just found out, he used a bit of trickery in meeting me...I thought it was totally accidental...but this week I found out that he spotted me sitting next to a friend in a casino keeping her company but not gambling, when I got up to go get a drink, he took my seat so that when I came back, he got up and said excuse me, was this your seat, do you want to play here? Such that I laughed and said that I wasn't playing and I had been sitting long enough, keep the seat. And he told me he was new to the area and with his cousins who wanted to get him out and gee! so was I..so we talked about where we were from and what we thought about our new location.
What's for fun around here? Well, I was headed downtown to an arts and wine street fest and he was headed to a pay per view live boxing show their in the casino. Gee....I like boxing and I would rather do that! Really! So I mention that i like boxing. I don't like the martial arts tho'. Unknown to me, he is a martial artist, but didn't say a word or address that at that time. He asked if I wanted to come along to see the boxing and that his 2 cousins would be there. I decided, yeah, that's what I wanted to do.
Mind you neither of us was on the hunt or looking for someone...a good time just happened available and we took up on it. We had such fun talking and laughing that we didn't want the night to end with the boxing match....so we all joined up and went to a club for a bit...and we both knew and were honest that we'd like to meet up again sometime. He asked if I wanted his email or number and I said no and just gave him mine.
Etiquette says you wait 3 days to call and make an invite IN ADVANCE for something fun.
I accepted several dinner dates just to get out .....but an invitation to a fun event would be better, I would think.
So, if you hit it off, you are going to know, if not, well you had a fun time and some practice.
He also did something sneaky....he put in his pocket pc what I was wearing and all the details of meeting me...just in case, he says it is a secret guy thing?
But it doesn't cost money if you all start shining on each other to say "I remember seeing you at such and such and you were wearing blah, blah, and it was this day,month etc.
He says we girls are big on anniversaries?
And basically, again, if you listen, we will tell you what we like.
And then you know what to do.

If he would have hit on me or acted like he was after a date, I would have shied off, to be honest. And all this time I thought I picked him up to go see the boxing! LOL When really he set it all up.
He says we gals will be the aggressors to a point as I guess I was in our conversation about where ya from, what ya doing here and hey, I think I would rather go with you for boxing rather than that street fest.

So the issue now is anxiety right???????????????

hugs,
Tena

Yeah I had kind of given up on bars, mostly superficial women there anyway. Still seems rather daunting and anxiety-causing to me, but thanks. Too bad I can't get out there more since I'm restricted by money for gas right now. Also I guess there's a level of insecurity of me being the guy and having no money and her having a job and money. Not that she shouldn't, it just feels inappropriate. Mostly I don't want to be a moocher and since I rarely have gas I wouldn't get to see her much.I should also mention I'm tapering off Lithium, going from 1350 mg to 900 to 450 to 0 gradually so my mood's gonna be kinda crazy. Only crazy women like crazy guys. Plus I don't know how many women could see past my fashion choices. All my jeans have holes in them and I only have a few outfits. And my shoes are like 2 1/2 years old.

I'll try just being friendly to women in passing without seeming desperate (that's the hard part) and see if something happens. Nothing has happened so far when I've done so I'm not expecting much. Probably because I lack self-esteem and confidence. I sure wouldn't date me right now.

And I hate the "Hi how are you?" thing people do because they never really want to know how they're doing, it's just a formality. I seem to be the only person who says it and actually means it. I'd much rather just say "Hi" to someone in passing than that fake B.S. I hate meaningless formalities and I know others do to.
Thanks anyway.

[ClayTheScribe]

Originally Posted by liveweyerd

Clay,

I am going to be upfront and honest in that what women look for are different according to their ages.
A young woman who wants to marry and have a family will look for stability as in job, car etc, she will want these things eventually...but really, dear, you just graduated from college very, very recently so I don't think those are as big of obstacles as you think they are.
What would you want with someone so superficial that your weight determines whether a girl likes you or not????

True but I think it's more women than you realize that weight and looks do matter somewhat.

I am a gal, 50 years old, so i am going to pull rank on you and say that I have seen and heard alot as well as have some living experience.
Believe, me...women are wanting to meet men!
And, just after my divorce, i was thinking i am 50, divorced twice, mentally ill...who would ever want me....and I have gone up from a small size to yes, getting fat too.
Well, I went out...and danged it I didn't get asked out every darned time! But I didn't want to just go out with anybody, everybody and then by coincidence and a bit of experience I met someone with a mind who is lining up to be lucky number 3.

Not to be rude, but you're a woman, you don't really have to do the asking. Guys ARE going to come up no matter who you are. It is not the same for men as you know.

I used to be shy, I didn't know how to talk to people, I still don't get the small talk thing that comes naturally to other people. But I learned something working in the hospitality business...and that is, that I say Hi, how are you? to anyone who comes within 10 feet of me.
Now, with you being a journalist and me being intrigued by the human psyche and sociology....well, we interview people right?
And I find people like someone to talk with......most of them are just as shy and insecure as we are. So I just say hi, hang around a bit and listen for some common interest or something that interests me and ask them about it..and just converse.
I know you are a smart guy and have a broad enough knowledge to carry on a conversation with someone about their interests and it is something you will be doing as your chosen occupation, so...
don't hit on a girl or come up with a line....just say hi, how are you, compliment something that isn't cliche or join in the conversation intelligently that is all ready in progress and tell that mating instinct to shut up for the moment, you are just meeting people and working on conquering your anxiety if nothing else than for the sake of practicing interviewing people for journalism.

I've been to lots of parties, functions, gatherings, network events and I'm always super anxious and unsure how to socialize unless I know someone there. Otherwise I'll likely wait till someone approaches me or I see someone I know. I know that's a bad habit, but it's hard to break. For this class I'm sitting in on I have make a networking connection by Friday. I am not looking forward to that. Mainly for that I just can't get out to places to do so. Hopefully I'll have some gas or better yet a job ha!

[Live]

Hey, we are watching a great video..Peter Gabriel's Secret World Live...awesome...will get back to you.

David, my guy, has some comments to your post.

Well, anyway, I guess he is saying just have fun and do the numbers like the salesman, anyone who cares that much about your dress isn't anyone you want anyway, say next and move on...and if you go to hang in the money crowd, you are going to feel short...

and now, from me..he is a disabled vet, doesn't have a car..but he has done the therapy and the footwork and the research and has found an overcomer's attitude...

That is what you need, not a bunch of reasons why things can't happen.

Neither one of us was dressed up at all....and we wouldn't have liked that anyway because of what it projects...we were just ourselves comfortable.

I like and love him for his mind and his personality. And it happens to be mutual.

But first we both had to get out and start a conversation and how you do that has to be in a way that is comfortable to you, that is what makes you YOU!

[Live]

Okay, I will come back with David from a man's point of view after this concert, k?

[ClayTheScribe]

Originally Posted by liveweyerd

Hey, we are watching a great video..Peter Gabriel's Secret World Live...awesome...will get back to you.

David, my guy, has some comments to your post.

Well, anyway, I guess he is saying just have fun and do the numbers like the salesman, anyone who cares that much about your dress isn't anyone you want anyway, say next and move on...and if you go to hang in the money crowd, you are going to feel short...

I'm not looking to be rich or be floating in money...I just want a job that pays me enough to live on my own, or two jobs if need be.

and now, from me..he is a disabled vet, doesn't have a car..but he has done the therapy and the footwork and the research and has found an overcomer's attitude...

That is what you need, not a bunch of reasons why things can't happen.

Honestly the only thing holding me back is my weight. I just can't see myself as attractive in my current state, no matter what others say. I also need to overcome my self-loathing, my low self-esteem and my lack of confidence which seem like goals I won't reach for a very long time. If I recovered from depression I'm sure I wouldn't be posting any of this, in fact I know I wouldn't. But I know I have a very long way to go in my depression yet. I mean is it so unreasonable to want to be as close to perfect as possible before getting into a relationship? (BTW, even though my life is a mess, I'm a perfectionist, figure that one out)

I like and love him for his mind and his personality. And it happens to be mutual.

I just never thought someone could like me for only, or mostly, my mind and personality or that a woman would be attracted to a depressed schmuck like me. Which kind of goes to what Wanting was saying, you have to be what you expect in a partner to have that relationship.

[Live]

Well, we are both on mental meds.
And I knew that he was attracted to my mind and not my looks. I am also broke. It's a bad economy for everybody and even if it wasn't I want to be wanted for who I am.
He had been all around that block...and he wonders if that is what you look for in a woman..her looks?

And, honestly, I started most of the conversations with the guys that asked me out. I have learned to do that..just start talking to folks.
I have known others with phobias and anxiety and the only way to overcome it is by gradually dipping our feet into the water..trial and error and learn to swim.

You can do that now, because getting perfect enough for a perfectionist could waste alot of your lifetime. Might as well practice now, and you did say you would give it a try.

But i will not push you anymore, k?

It is YOUR life.
I just think you deserve this perfectly normal thing that you want.

[ClayTheScribe]

Originally Posted by liveweyerd

Well, we are both on mental meds.
And I knew that he was attracted to my mind and not my looks. I am also broke. It's a bad economy for everybody and even if it wasn't I want to be wanted for who I am.
He had been all around that block...and he wonders if that is what you look for in a woman..her looks?

Only to the extent that most other people want. But she could be drop-dead gorgeous and if she were immature, unintelligent had no personality, she wouldn't have a chance, not that I'd have a chance with her. I wouldn't want a really good looking woman to want to be with me, I'd feel too self-conscious. That's what happened with my last and only girlfriend. I think I was too intimdated by her, she sensed it and broke up with me. Or at least I think that's why. I dunno we were teenagers. No I'm not that superficial, though I used to be.

[Faerie]

Clay,

I've recently gotten back in contact with an old friend of mine I haven't seen for a few years. He's not working because he has severe anxiety issues, has put on weight and doesn't have a driver's license at the moment. Yet I'm still really attracted to him.

Not all women are so judgmental and superficial. You look really handsome in your photo and I've told you before how intelligent, funny and sweet you are, you have a lot to offer a potential partner.

Sure you have to work on your confidence but that will come with practice.

Don't write yourself off mate.

Faerie

[ClayTheScribe]

Thanks for the advice all, but it comes down to the fact that I'm not where I'm supposed to be. Whenever someone has been interested in me it's usually when I'm feeling more like myself, happier, occupied with work, school and writing and when I'm not really thinking about a relationship, and when I have a bit more confidence and self-esteem. Right now I have little confidence, low self-esteem and I'm desperate and that desperation has already pushed away a good friend who liked me. I think even if someone were to fall for me, I'd sabotage it somehow like I have nearly every time in the past. I need to work on me before I can expect happiness from the outside world, or a relationship for that matter. I need to get to a place where I'm more comfortable with myself and not so anxious and depressed all the time, otherwise how I can truly attract a healthy relationship?

I guess I'll just let the romantic yearnings come and go without letting them get to me too much and try to control my jealousy of happy people in relationships. I'll deal with the sexual urges on my own.

[ClayTheScribe]

I have been talking to a woman named Melissa over the past month or so through OKCupid.com. It seemed like just talking so I didn't think much of it. As I said in my last post I've stopped looking, so I deleted my OKCupid account and told Melissa my e-mail address in case she wanted to reach me. I didn't think she was that interested in me or was engaged, so I didn't expect an e-mail. She e-mailed me today. I told her I thought my long responses to her questions would scare her off but she said she loved them and that she likes that I write more than one sentence. She said she has liked talking with me. We seem to have a lot in common and she lives nearby me. I asked her how she would feel about dating someone younger (she's 29) and she said she's dated a younger guy before, it doesn't matter, she appreciates people for who they are. I told her these days I sort of prefer older women because they're more mature than women my age. I told her I have depression, which I usually don't do early on with people, but I felt like it this time. Fact of that matter is I don't care where this goes really. Maybe that's why she keeps responding. I'll keep responding to her messages as long as she responds to mine. A relationship would be nice, but on the other hand I might be better off without one. It could be we don't click in person. I'm not getting my hopes up needlessly. But wouldn't it be nice...

[pluto9]

Clay-
As a single woman in the crazy world of dating......I can tell you that you DO have something to offer the right person....everyone does. Here is some advice that I don't follow very well myself....TAKE IT SLOOOOOOOOW! I'm guessing that dating is like recovery....one step at a time....too much excitement....or too much disappointment can ruin everything. Enjoy your conversations and connection to her, but plan to meet her soon....for coffee or ice cream or something..... make-believe "feelings" can dominate a phone or e-mail relationship but face to face encounters can be very different....and then someone gets hurt. Just my $.02....from a gal who have done a couple of the dating sites......

Best of luck to ya.....

[ClayTheScribe]

Well this Melissa has stopped talking to me or is too busy to respond. (I think it was because I told her I have depression, I know, bad move). Either way I'm not really interested in anything more than a friendship. If she doesn't have time for me now, it's likely she wouldn't have time for me in a relationship either. I'm so over flaky people. Plus I decided that while a part of me wants a relationship, I don't need one and it's just not the right time in my life. I'm in a state of flux and unemployment and relative poverty that's not good for a relationship (especially with women, y'all are expensive!). It's not that I give up, I'm just not looking anymore. So I deleted all my accounts at the dating sites I was on. And I feel kind of liberated as that's one less thing I feel obligated to do. I have enough stress looking for a job, I don't need the added stress of looking for a mate. If they want to come after me, then fine, we'll see where it goes. But I need to work on me and find self-love before I can expect to have a healthy relationship.

Thanks for all the advice everyone.