Looking for an Answer

[Cpop86]

Hey all, this is a bit of a complicated scenario, but perhaps speaking of it will help me figure a few things out. Unfortunately I cant just put this scenario out there without a little background. I know I should post on the GBLT section which I have as well, but this is the issue. I'm currently 23, and have been trying to sort this out for years and years. I used to love the women, but as of 9th or 10th grade, I've began to change. It was something of a complete change and my interest in straightness dropped. I was never the type to run around "hooking up" in clubs or on the net etc etc. No interest in it anymore either. I tried to find something that was real and beyond just physical attraction, and that would last. I was on the down low about this for a long time. I pursued (short lasting) relationships and finally accepted myself and came out 5 years ago at the age of 18. It was easier and others were more accepting than I thought.

Here's the interesting thing- It just so happened at that point a couple weeks later I started to having second thoughts about this and had no idea what was wrong with me. I have spoke with a counselor and he said it was normal in many, which now I certainly know. Long story short I kept to the gay side and a year ago pursued a relationship during this time. We've grown attached and it certainly was something real feeling. My curiosity was much less about changing being that I was so happy...Although I always had some, more so today than I ever had.

My significant other and I recently have had problems and we broke up two days ago, which I am beyond distraught over. He said I can continue to live with he and his roommate but his mind is made up. That I will get over, Ive been through plenty of ugly scenarios before.

Here's my main problem: I really doubt I want to remain under this lifestyle, part of me really wants to date a like minded girl instead (although not my current main goal in life). The thing is I isolate myself and am very shy. I have a tough time starting a conversation with guys I don't know, and with a girl its much worse. Actually all my friends that have stayed by my side are all guys. This makes me wonder if the fact that I don't even know how to talk to women my age has played a part in the life decisions that I've made. I've asked one girl out a long time ago without knowing her and was rejected so since then It's been even harder for me. I don't know what to think anymore honestly. I'd love to be in a setting and make some friends that ARE girls so maybe I could learn to socialize a bit better. I dont know where to start either. Does this make sense to anyone? Please help me out here

[justanothrdrunk]

What you're saying makes sense to me, I think.

To sum up in my own words, your problem is twofold.
1. You're not too sure about your sexuality.
2. You have trouble meeting new people.

I may be oversimplifying... anyway, I've never had any experience with #1. I'm a straight guy and have never had any doubts about that.

#2 on the other hand, I can relate. I've been married for over 15 years. While I've not been looking to meet people (of either sex) as a romantic interest, I have been looking to create new, intimate relationships on a platonic level.

I have a very small circle of close friends. That's what's comfortable/manageable for me. But a few of them have moved away. And losing a "few" from a small circle to begin with reduces my close friends significantly.

It's important for my emotional health to have at least some close friends. And it's really, really hard for me to make new ones.

Basically, I just have to gut it out and hang myself out there. Yes, I might get hurt, but I have to keep trying. My emotional health depends on it.

Not sure if that helps you or not. Just my experience.

[Cpop86]

Thank you for your input. Your sum up seems to define me exactly. I am 23 and I procrastinated college until recently, but I take online courses due to convenience. Most of my friends are up and gone and my circle is small though I have a decent network. All of my friends are straight guys. If you were to sign onto my instant messenger or looked at my address list on my phone, you would see that 95% of them are guys. After I know then I'm much more social. On the other hand, meeting girls at meetings is frowned upon, and isn't what I go to meetings for. On the other hand I've found it impossible to start and hold a conversation with anyone at a mall or movies per se.

I'm not even saying I would WANT a relationship. But I would like to make more firends in this sense and see what happens. As mentioned before this very issue may have lead or contributed as to why I've made some of the decisions that I have made in my life. I just, like most people, don't like not knowing and I only get one life and I would say this could possibly be one heck of an opportunity that I'm missing out on.

[Cynay]

If all your seeking is really just the opportunity to include "girls" into your circle of friendships ... I dont understans why meeting them at meetings would be an issue. Seeking out people to have "relationships" is what is frowned upon.... developing your social circle and networking with others in the program is not at all.

I have developed a couple "friendships" with men in my meetings. I have not had the need or desire to reach out to them after the meetings except in a group social setting... but If I needed a male point of view I would sure call on them.

The best relationships start out as friendships, if your interested in getting to know more women... then I would suggest maybe taking some classes that are not on the internet.... and start some study groups. Get out socially in clubs that your interested in.... maybe an art class or something.... then you can meet people that are like minded. You might be able to figure out your preference just by developing some friendships with women.

You also might discover you dont have a preference and that just looking for what is right for you. Man or Women.... Maybe this is all about figuring out who "you" are.

[Wolfchild]

How have things been going lately Cpop86?