dating

[chelsearose1]

hello :]

this is my first post, and first time on this site.
I have a few questions for all of you.

about 4 or 5 years ago, i met this wonderful man. way back then, when we were just friends, he got involved in some serious meth/coke/alcohol addictions. he moved away and continued to do drugs. he came back home, then he went to rehab. he relapsed a few months later, and went to jail where he detoxed like crazy. since then, he has been clean and sober. he is getting his 1 year sober in two weeks.

in june, we started to hang out again. then in july, we started dating. he was very upfront with me about his addiction and recovery. so i knew what i was getting myself into. i had a little problem with pills, but i didn't go into recovery or anything...i did it all on my own. i have been to a bunch of meetings with him though, so i've got a good idea of how the program works. (btw, all you recovering addicts out there are amazing people, and i have a TON of respect for most of you for getting clean.)

he works his program, goes to about 4 or 5 meetings a DAY (i know, it's a lot), he has sponsees, and a sponsor, and he is doing very well. he is very excited about picking up his one year in a few weeks.

i am a very understanding person, and i can accept that he is going to be recovering his whole life. i am falling in love with him, and he makes me very happy. the thing is, when he says, "i feel like i want to use today" or something along those lines, i never ever know what to say. it really upsets me, even though i don't usually let him see that because that would just be making him feel guilty and making it worse. what kinds of things do i say to that?

also, when he gets in one of those moods where he's pissy and just wants to use, how do i deal with that?

[cassandra2]

Welcome.

My RABF sometimes says things about using drugs or his urges that he gets and I too find myself speechless. I usually say NOTHING. Why? you ask. I say nothing because this is HIS problem to work out. NOTHING I say is gonna KEEP him clean or FORCE him to use. Usually (for him) he is processing a good thought about when he was using (like it was FUN) then reality hits him and he starts to think about all the consequences that came along with using drugs. But that is HIS thought process to handle NOT MINE.

As far as the moods go.....Well just like any other person bad moods happen. When it does for others I usually step back and stay out of their way. Its been my experience that the more you ask "whats wrong" or "what can I do to help you" is just a way of trying to control another person. Its up to everyone to choose what type of mood they will stay in. I dont have any control over another person so why try to "help" them feel better. Best thing you can do is to go get busy doing something else he will rejoin you when the mood passes. It has nothing to do with you......

Hope that helps. Take care....