Still lost after a year - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Lcounts · 08-13-2009, 12:46 PM

Hi eveyone, i have been reading on here for a little over a year...my story.

I have been married to RAH for going on 10 years...really didn't have many problems until the last 4 yrs when I went and got a second job he started to drink more..he was mostely a quiet at home drinker...one morning he almost wrecked his bike and decided to go to rehab and get sober. well he met a woman in rehab and they would e-mail and talk on the phone ( outside of course ) until he made a comment while we were out that he was e-mailing a girl and a friend so it was his girlfriend. So I started to read those e-mails...they talked about the walks and the outings they went on..and that the people from the rehab place were to meet at a bon-fire and he was to pick her up..and thanks for the helmet..well I went off..of course I didn't understand and he could only get help from other AA people. I called his sponser at the time and he put a stop to that meeting..and the e-mails still going on...after a e-video telling her he would see her in 2009 that I found..I put a stop to the whole friend thing..5 months later he finally starts staying home on the weekends with me instead of going to 8 meetings a week because someone told him why i was so angry...because before he was drunk and now he is never there...So we are getting along better now but no sex for over a year and jus started telling me he loves me and some hugs... he just did his 4th step...now my questions..

How do I get over the e-mails.
How do I believe that he means what he says or is he just telling me what someone told him to do and say.
I want to know what happen in Rehab. when can I ask?
Why is AA and what happens so secret to the spouse?

I use to go to AA with him until I started to get to know the woman now I don't even get asked to go.
So after a year it is still screwed up...when does it get better???

I am rambling.. thanks for your input :praying

anvilhead · 08-13-2009, 02:39 PM

when you put half as much energy and focus into your own life and recovery as you do controlling his......work on building faith and trust in yourself, in your own self worth, so that you don't NEED him in order to feel ok.....and then you can ask yourself if this relationship is really worth it to you.

***Pelican*** · 08-15-2009, 07:06 PM

...when does it get better???

When you forgive them for not being what you wanted them to be.

When you stop taking their personal inventory and start taking your own.

When you let go and let God.

08-13-2009, 12:46 PM	#1 (permalink)
Lcounts Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Chesterfield, VA Posts: 4	Still lost after a year Hi eveyone, i have been reading on here for a little over a year...my story. I have been married to RAH for going on 10 years...really didn't have many problems until the last 4 yrs when I went and got a second job he started to drink more..he was mostely a quiet at home drinker...one morning he almost wrecked his bike and decided to go to rehab and get sober. well he met a woman in rehab and they would e-mail and talk on the phone ( outside of course ) until he made a comment while we were out that he was e-mailing a girl and a friend so it was his girlfriend. So I started to read those e-mails...they talked about the walks and the outings they went on..and that the people from the rehab place were to meet at a bon-fire and he was to pick her up..and thanks for the helmet..well I went off..of course I didn't understand and he could only get help from other AA people. I called his sponser at the time and he put a stop to that meeting..and the e-mails still going on...after a e-video telling her he would see her in 2009 that I found..I put a stop to the whole friend thing..5 months later he finally starts staying home on the weekends with me instead of going to 8 meetings a week because someone told him why i was so angry...because before he was drunk and now he is never there...So we are getting along better now but no sex for over a year and jus started telling me he loves me and some hugs... he just did his 4th step...now my questions.. How do I get over the e-mails. How do I believe that he means what he says or is he just telling me what someone told him to do and say. I want to know what happen in Rehab. when can I ask? Why is AA and what happens so secret to the spouse? I use to go to AA with him until I started to get to know the woman now I don't even get asked to go. So after a year it is still screwed up...when does it get better??? I am rambling.. thanks for your input :praying

08-15-2009, 07:06 PM	#3 (permalink)
*Pelican* peaceful seabird Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: floating Posts: 3,651	...when does it get better??? When you forgive them for not being what you wanted them to be. When you stop taking their personal inventory and start taking your own. When you let go and let God. __________________ "How does one become a butterfly?" she asked pensively. "You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar." Trina Paulus Hope for the Flowers

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08-13-2009, 02:39 PM	#2 (permalink)
anvilhead Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 14,599	when you put half as much energy and focus into your own life and recovery as you do controlling his......work on building faith and trust in yourself, in your own self worth, so that you don't NEED him in order to feel ok.....and then you can ask yourself if this relationship is really worth it to you.

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