Relationship with a girl in recovery and need advice...help?

[kh87]

Hello all..i am new to this site but its amazing the wealth of information that is on here. Now i have to be up front and let everyone know that i am actually not in AA or NA or any substance abuse problems, nor do i have any substance abuse problems. What my problem has to concern with is my girlfriend (was my girlfriend). A little backstory...
I met this girl it seemed like out of nowhere. She was in a recovery home and got a job at my workplace. I knew about the recovery home so i sorta knew what she was there for. She was VERY cute, but initially i was skeptical and didnt make much of it because of her situation (very selfish of me but i digress). Anyway, i felt something the moment i laid eyes on her that honestly i have never ever felt before. Now im 21 years old, but i have been through more stuff than most people can say (except for recovering addicts, which i now understand), so yes i am very mature for my age. Ive been through other girlfriends and girls who were just one time things but never - and i mean never- did i even feel anything remotely close to when i first saw this girl, and i had no idea what it was. Long story short, she was addicted to oxycontin, heroin (born addicted to heroin), and it was mostly started by her 2 previous boyfriends. The first one pretty much raped her because she did not have a desire to have sex with him. I knew of all the issues she had, but still to me, i could see inside her - i could see the great person that was dying to come out.
When she graduated from her recovery home she went into a three-quarter house. It was then that her and i really began seeing eachother. She did not want to lie to them and keep us a secret, so she informed them of what was going on. They told her although she was the first person ever to do this (every other girl just got kicked out), they still had to kick her out. At this time she lived with one of our co-workers, and she told me that she went into recovery for her family and for herself, and she was happy to be alive and happy to be sober and wanted to continue that way, but she said she was not happy because she met this great guy who she really shouldnt be with, but knew if she didnt she wouldnt be fully happy. So we began to date. It was during this time i learned all about her past and everything that happened to her. Now, i am in no way trying to be arrogant or cocky or anything of that nature, but i was the most understanding person when it came to her and what shes been through. Ive been told most guys would have ran far away (she has had 2 abortions, amongst other unfortunate problems). But me? I didnt want to help her or save her - i just wanted to love her. Here was this great person who thought so little of herself, all i wanted her to do was continue with her program and her recovery and know that i was going to love her and be with her through thick and thin. I drank here and there after i turned 21, but once i started seeing her, i gave it up. I didnt put a hand on one beer, one drink, nothing. She said she didnt want me to sacrifice stuff like that. but i told her that one - i didnt care for drinking much anyway, and 2 - with all she has sacrificed and gone through, the least i could do is not be an enabler for her even in the smallest way. It was a sacrifice i was willing to make.
Now as we really got into the relationship, she began to stop going to meetings. EVERY single day i asked her to go, i begged her to go (but i would never force her), but she said she didnt want to. I believe it was partially because she wanted to spend her time with me and that she wanted to spend time with my friends (who now became her friends as well) and wanted to feel normal. I told her i would go to meetings with her - she still would not go. I never wanted her to put her recovery to the side - this HAD to be her number one priority, and it was slowly becoming number 2. She had no sponsor at this time either.
The beggining of this month she moved back home to live with her aunt and uncle(where she did most of her drugs and most of her problems occured) - mostly because she couldnt afford to live here in my town and because she said that she had to find out for herself if she could get by without me - if she could be ok on her own and stand on her own two feet. I completely understood but obviously still saddened, but i did understand. Her aunt made her go to meetings 3 times a week and to get another sponsor. I was sad yet happy about this - i was willing to make it work, but was happy that she would now be going to meetings again. And she was too, yet she was still upset to leave me. Now heres where things begin to go downhill...
Last week, she got a new sponsor. She is in her 11 month sober and i am very proud of her. When she would have days off from work she would feel compelled to come up and be with me and i told her that it didnt always have to be that way, even if we didnt see eachother i would still love her and not leave her. A few days after she got her sponsor, things began to get weird. She would kinda stop talking to me and when she did, she would seem hesitant bout things. Finally she told me that she was having alot of doubts, that she was unsure of things between her and i and that she didnt know herself, that she felt like she was changing and growing and that we were growing apart and that she needed space. I told her that recovery and her steps would teach her that she was becoming a new person and learning new things, and that its normal and healthy for two people to grow yet can still be together, but i would still give her the space she needed. She said she didnt know anything anymore.
Finally 2 days ago i met up with her, and i finally got her to say that she wasnt sure if she wanted to be in a commited relationship right now. That she doesnt know herself and that shes growing and changing. She said she had always been honest with me and that it was no one else - no other guy that she wanted to be with - and that she loved me and that it wasnt easy for her. I told her that the only relationship she needs to be in right now is the relationship with herself - learning to love herself and learn about herself as well. What i told her next is perhaps where i went wrong - i told her that i would not talk to her, would not text message her or would not see her, so she could have the space she wanted. I didnt say it in a mean way, but i then told her that i wasnt going anywhere, that she knows where to find me and when shes ready, she could contact me. That i love her and their is no one else i want to be with because something in my heart is telling me she is the one - in fact i know it. She then said "well...you can call me and talk to me or text me" to which i told her no that would be invading her space and her time to grow. I gave her a hug and i left. She looked the saddest ive ever seen her in my time ive known her, and it killed me.
So this is what i need help with...did i do the right thing? All i want is for her to be happy - to have her see the great person that I SEE, that i know she is. I love this girl more than anything in the world - im meant to be with her. In the past i would have been distraught and destroyed, and even though im sad - theirs something different bout all this. I feel like this is not the end - that thier is more to this and i feel it in my heart, that feeling is there for a reason. So did i make the right decision? My birthday is coming up soon and she said "even if we arent in a relationship i still love you and i care about you so much it would be terrible of me to not be with you on your birthday but if you dont want me to i understand". So should i invite her to be with my friends and i? Like i said they are her friends too, but she said she would miss them because it would be awkward to see them now and she wont be able to see them again. But they miss her too. Does she think i want nothing to do with her now? I just am unsure what to think....would she maybe be better off with some guy who is a recovering addict as well instead of a clean person like myself so he would know what shes going through? The problem is that this is during her first year so i understand why it happened the way it did. I dont want anyone else, nor do i NEED someone to fill a void or anything. I just know this girl was put in my life for a reason and it sucks not having her in my life. So did i do the right thing? or should i at least talk to her again or just wait for her to talk to me? Sorry for the long post all...please any advice would be very appreciated!