Hi ALL!! Back again with major question

[Girlfriend]

Yep, it's been awhile since I've been back on here and I really should stop by more often just to say "hi" and "how are you doing?"...I apologize.

It's not about alcoholism this time with boyfriend in the past, it's not about my son who is doing really well and taking on his resposibilities. He has a long road ahead of him, but he knows this and for the first time, I truly believe he's made the decision to better his life. He has his relapses, but in recovery, that's to be expected...One step forward and two steps back. But, it's the journey, IF deciding to get clean, that helps us.

This post is about a police officer that I've been dating for almost a year and he does not drink/drug, but within the first month of meeting one another, he wanted to get married. Which totally threw me off. That's the last thing that I want now.

He's very "clingy"...wants me to spend time with him on his days off, but forget about my work hours. He buys me all kinds of things...paid for a trip to Las Vegas. He actually whines when I tell him "no, I can't tonight...I have to get some sleep".

When I go over to his house, we'll watch TV and it'll get to be 2am and I have to get up early the next day. EVERYTIME I tell him "Hon, I've gotta go"...he whines again and begs me to stay. I can't.

he e-mails, calls every day atleast 5 times, has been written up for not paying attention to his police work because he's thinking about me. That could be dangerous for him!

He's obsessed, gets maybe 2-3 hours of sleep at night...every night and tells me all the time "I'd DO ANYTHING for you..You're my whole word!"

He is a sweet man, but a loner, very needy and I cannot do or be everywhere with him when he wants.

I tell him that and he tells me "That's because I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!"

There's love, and then there's need.

He'll check on me, through websites, to see who I'm talking to. I don't like that.


I need advice on this one

THANK YOU!

[Freedom1990]

I can't handle clingy people. The fact that he asked you to marry him in one month's time is a huge red flag to me.

I also won't tolerate anyone 'snooping' to see where I've been, whether in real life or on the internet, end of story.

It seems this fellow has huge insecurities. Is that what you want in a partner?

[Girlfriend]

Thank you, Freedom!

No, that's not what I want...for sure. It's alot of work! I find myself, more and more, distancing myself from him. He just never takes "no" for an answer and yeah, it does get scary at times.

How do you back off from someone like that? and as not to do it so abruptly because if I did that, he'd really have insecurities and things would just escalate.

[Freedom1990]

I don't know of any other way to handle it with someone like that other than to be blunt. You already said he won't take no for an answer.

I sincerely hope he doesn't end up being a stalker.

[Cynay]

People that are clingy scare me too and the ones that say they do it because "I Loooovvvveeee You" make me want to put on my running shoes....

I once dated a man like that .... when I started to gently pull away from him he did the most crazy things.... One night I woke up to find him standing over my bed looking at me.... I FREAKED.... but before I got blunt enough and it ended he has stalked me by bugging my computer and reading EVERYTHING I typed.... and my daughter typed. Im talking things you only tell your mother ..... or lover.

*shivers* my heart still pounds when I think of that time..... today I pay much more attention to what is really happening and I try not to look at it though codie eyes and make excuses for the behavior. I have had to work hard on being most respectful to my feelings and taking action before it gets to a harmful place for either of us.

Always remember to be true to yourself...... first.

[utopia]

run

[utopia]

this is a warning sign. i may be wrong but i find that it starts with the clingy and intense attention to me, then its the "poor me" then its the why are you always out with these people and not me??? dont you love me??? the guilt trips, then its the controlling, the jealousy, esp around other men, then its the name calling, the anger, the feeling hurt, then theyre punching holes in the wall, hitting you killing you.....................yeh id be getting out right now. let him think youre a jerk rather than getting anymore obsessed with a delusion that youve been together forever and that youre his posession.

[liveweyerd]

agree with all the above,...it goes downhill and nowhere else.