My Father

[Savsy]

I went to rehab october 16, last year. I stayed there for 6 months.
I am only 17 so when I went home, the staff didn't want me too, but I was stupid again, and thought my parents had changed. So I've been home a couple months now and things are worse then before I went to rehab. My Dad, Brother and sister all have diagnosed OCD. My brother also has aspergers. everyday when I get home from school I clean and make everything spotless, then I'll make dinner. But when my dad walks in that door I get that scared feeling, like I have to watch what I say and do, I can't even describe it. My dad usually will end up yelling and screaming at me, etc because dinner wasn't perfect, a piece of paper wasn't straight, and he just goes on and on. Then my mom is never home because she can't stand being here. When she is here, my dad is yelling and screaming at her too. I honestly feel more triggered being at home, then I would be hanging out with my dealer. and if I try to go anywhere they think I'll be using. I wanna move out but they won't let me get a job, and I can't sign a lease on an apartment. also my little sister, I would feel so guilty leaving her behind. I just don't know what to do.

[SpeedyJason]

Hey Savsy, I've just turned 18 and lived with my heroin-addicted father for a couple of years (my mom and sister were out of the picture at this time). I also am an addict and am working on building up my own clean time. I know exactly what you mean by things like this being triggering. When my dad was high, not only was that a MAJOR trigger but he liked to cuss me out a lot and that really doesn't help you when you're trying to stay clean... I couldn't move out either, I didn't have enough money nor was I old enough. I think you need to be emancipated/18 years old to get an apartment unless your parents co-sign or something like that. In canada, those laws might be different.

The only thing I found that helped me was just either hanging out in a totally different room than him and blocking them out and finding distractions like playing online games or looking through music. Or I would just try to stay out of the house as much as possible, but hanging with the few friends I had that didn't use. If you have one friend that doesn't use, stick by them, it helps a good deal.

Sorry, there really is no easy solution to it. You can look into emancipation but I believe that process takes a while.

Hope things go better for you soon,
Jay

[Sugah]

Savsy, if the staff didn't want you to leave, could they possibly be a resource for you now? Can you call the facility and ask for help? I see Jason is the only one who responded, and his experience is much like yours. I don't have a lot to offer. I didn't get clean until long after I left home, though I can relate in a big way to your relationship with your father. My mother was there, but she wasn't any help. She was just as busy as I was trying to keep him from exploding. Funny -- all our efforts, and to the day he died, no one could change him. It wasn't until I was older that I realized that changing others was another thing over which I was powerless.

I offer you my prayers. I hope you find your way out of there. Perhaps if you find help for yourself, it will come from someone who can help your sister, too.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

[Savsy]

Thank-you for replying!
I just needed to vent
and it's nice to know people care
I called one of the Staff from the rehab
and I've been hanging out with her alot lately
she's helping me get a job, and move out
(in Canada when you're 16 you can move out, I think your parents have to give u permission tho)
but hopefully I'll be moving out soon, and I recently got in contact with a girl I lived in rehab with, and she is still sober, and very good to talk to
I'm getting out of the house more, and hopefully soon I'll go see a counselor or something.

[utopia]

you're not stupid. you didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it.

it sounds like there's a lot weighing on you and dis-ease in the home.. can you get to alanon/a 12 step group meetings? these are free and could help you with feeling guilty about your sister. im sure you love her but the best thing you can do is realise you are not responsible for her but you can be an example of taking care of you own life. i feel for you and send you lots of love energy in mkaing these courageous changes. peace be with you.

[Savsy]

There are no meetings in my area, and I can't drive. But thank-you. Today is a rough day. We went out for dinner together and I was really happy cause that like never happens. But then I end up getting yelled at by my dad, in front of everyone because I didn't finish my sentence fast enough. I was so embarrassed. I just don't know what to do in those situations.

[utopia]

sorry to hear that keep coming back here and maybe try stepchat.com....also check with your local aa and alanon/alateen office to see if you can order some Conference Approved Literature. they may help you with your family situation. Prayers for you