disappointed and confused (XABF)

[ChangeIsHard]

I just feel that i need to get this off my chest. I know it is a rather trivial problem/concern...but i just feel so sad/gross about it. Long story short, my XABF and i broke up about a year ago...he went into AA and has been sober since getting his life on track. I have also been dealing my my own problems of social anxiety and giving him space. It originally started as a 'break' (at my urging) but then he seemed to sort of fall off the radar. Before i left on a trip to europe for 2 months (i'm at the end of my trip now) i talked with him and basically told him that i still have feelings for him and asked him where he stood, etc. he said it wasnt that he had moved on, but that he was focusing on himself right now and not interested in seeing anyone. We started hanging out a bit more. I took his word that he was not seeing anyone at face value, but recently have learned (through facebook) that he indeed seems to have a woman in his life. Its weird though because they are not friends on FB....and theres no trace of her on his facebook, but he was recently tagged in a pic and i could see her FB account and it had quite a few shots of them together acting very much a couple... some from like 8 months ago. I feel betrayed..surprised, disbelief, confusion, anger...and sometimes i fantasize that its all just a big mistake...which i know is bullshit and a dangerous way of thinking. Ive stated so many times that all i wanted was honesty and he couldnt even give me that.

I am trying the hardest I know how to make this last leg of my trip i good one despite learning this information and just felt like i needed to get it of my chest by posting it here. I only have another week in Ireland and want to make it a good one. I find reading can help me take my mind off it..but find that my mind is swimming with thoughts of him when i am say..looking out a window. it is really annoying.

anyway.. thanks for listening.