Confusing relationship with a recovering alcoholic/addict

[princess18]

Right, I met this guy online last summer.. Told me he was an alcoholic, didnt drink at all now... in recovery (had 8 months sober then)... I accepted him for who he was.. who needs alcohol anyway.. we had loads of fun without it! When we met up there was an instant mutual attraction, really nice guy... he made loads of effort, bought me flowers, took me on loads of amazing dates.. etc etc. We spoke every day since then... saw each other often (4+ times a week)... we waited a few dates before we had sex...then 2 months later he started acting distant and told me that he was getting too emotionally attached and he thought it was what he wanted, but in fact it wasnt what he wanted. He said he needed to follow his programme (AA 12 steps) and get a years recovery under his belt before he could even think about getting into a relationship... said it wasnt me, it was him. Told me i was probably the "best he could ever get" and said i was perfect... and said I would have probably found someone else by the time he was ready for a relationship. I was gutted but we went our separate ways.

He called in to work one day to see me a few weeks later (huge shock), and told me that he missed me and wanted to give me a hug...then he left. Didnt hear from him after that.

Over the next few months he would drop me a text now and again asking how i was and letting me know when he thought of me... and he would randomly call me up for a chat, I thought it was sweet but it was kinda killing me inside cos I really wanted to be with him... one day I had had enough and told him not to contact me anymore because he was being selfish and i couldnt just wait around for him...he agreed and said he wouldnt and I deleted his number... it was hard but for the best...

A few months went by and I got over him, I moved on... I met new ppl and started to forget about him... then i found his number on a piece of paper when cleaning...i stupidly text him asking how he was getting on!!!!! He said he had been in my area and was going to call in but saw a "handsome" guy at the doorstep and thought it was my new boyfriend so didnt bother!! said he was jealous. (although this guy was not my boyfriend...it was a friends friend). He was glad to hear from me and told me BUT he had a NEW girlfriend!!! Said she was an alcoholic too and he had met her at AA. I said I was glad (even though it hurt) and said she would probably understand his problems so it was good.

I decided never to contact him again....

Then he called me one day and asked if we could meet up... for old times sake... i said no at first but then after persuasion said we could go for a walk and a chat. I said ok, totally happy about staying friends... we went for a walk, chatted he told me he had broken up with his gf cos she had started drinking again and he didnt want that. I told him i had been seeing another guy, which i had, who i really cared for.

Then, suddenly, he was 100% into me again.... he text me everyday saying how he had LOVED meeting up with me, how he thought i was great and "never wanted not to be friends with me again." I agreed and said we could be friends. Over the next few weeks he was persistent in seeing me and hanging out... then started to compliment me more and more.... saying he had a great time when he saw me.... said i was looking pretty etc etc. I resisted his advances for a good few weeks. He asked me what I wanted, i said just friends, he said he wanted more than that but would stay friends if wanted to but when I think I’ve met the man of my dreams he will come and confess his love for me!!

One night he tried to kiss me... i resisted and he said sorry, but i was beginning to fall for him... then we kinda just fell into how things were again last year... In a chat one day I was telling him that I dont know what i want to with my life... im still at uni, and he said dont worry... marry me and we can have lots of babies to keep you busy.... we both laughed (what is that meant to mean anyhow?!!) However, its been a few weeks now and he's starting to get a bit distant again....don't know if its just a phase or the same thing is going to happen again! I think he has a bit of an issue with sex too… he’s all hugs and romance one minute and then after sex he goes a bit distant and acts really cold.

I'm just wondering... what is going on with him?! Im doubting if he even likes me or he just 'needs' someone?! Is everything he tells me just lies? I hope not, but he's so hot and cold and don't know what to think. It’s been almost a year since I met him now... he has almost 18 months clean/sober.

How can someone say you're perfect one minute but can’t have a relationship with you... then break it off to get into a relationship with someone else?! then decide they want you again...

I do like him but I'm so confused and don’t want to get hurt...

ANY advice would be appreciated....Thanks