It hurts to much to continue loving him

[Amazonqueen522]

I have been in a relationship for over a year, with a man whom I meant during one of my drunken nights, although I can say that I met him after I slam my head against a pole and past out. He seem to take care of me to the point that I can say I owe some of being sober to him. Now it turns out that he has anger issues and snaps at me and everyone including his mom for any reason thats something I cant deal with, the verbal abuse.

I have a little over 5 months sober and last night had a dream that I was sneaking around drinking and using coke. I am scared, I dont know if I am scared because I need to end this relationship or is it because my dream is predicting to me what is going to happen in the near future.. I need courage to make up my mind and strength to not fall through the gates of the hell I was in over 5 months ago.

I feel like I failed once again...

Thanks,

[kj3880]

Yep, using dreams are scary. And they might feel almost like a relapse. They aren't. We just about all get them, and I used to feel really guilty about them. Remember, you didn't ask to have this dream and it isn't real. You can use it to help you remember how bad a relapse would feel. Maybe that's why we get them??? IDK, but do you have a sponsor now? It sounds like you have a lot of things going on in your recovery and it would help you to connect with a sponsor. I mean a real sponsor that you call almost every day and talk to about the important things going on in your head and in your life and in your recovery. Someone to pull you up on your sh!t. That's what you need, a sponsor and a network that can save you when you are going through a rough patch in recovery. Where are you with that stuff?

Love,
KJ

[barb dwyer]

That's what you need, a sponsor and a network that can save you when you are going through a rough patch in recovery. Where are you with that stuff?

agreed.

I think youj're healing, growing, and moving on.
When we're 'with' someone who is NOT changing, growing ...
they get resentful that we're changing.

It could be 'they want what we've got'
and are angry they can't somehow 'take it from us'
instead of earning it for themselves.

This is good advice about surrounding yourself iwth those in recovery.
I hope the best for you!

[Amazonqueen522]

Thank you KJ and Barb:

you are right I'm always isolating and need to reach out and get a sponsor and a support team.

Thanks for the advice.

[Freedom1990]

Count me in on reaching out for support!

Also, even after 18 years clean/sober, I will still get the occasional using/drinking dream. It's always been during particularly stressful times.

Protect your recovery like the precious gift that it is, hon. It doesn't sound to me like the relationship is healthy for you. You deserve to be treated with love and kindness!

:ghug :ghug