Toxic Love

[ChasinMyOwnTail]

I've been in a relationship with someone I have used with for almost 8 years. We have been in phases of using and recovery with one another. This past sobriety ,which I am still mostly in except for the past two days, has been a maturity wake up call for me. I am 29 years old and tired of living the life attached with a dope ball and chain. I am looking at my partner much differently. We live in my mom's home rent free. He pays and I pay when we can but often fault due to both being unemployed. I have started to work in the past two months and feel so good about myself. My friends (clean friends) and I have reconnected closer than ever, But my boyfriend is obsessed still with the dark side. The past two days have been drag down days, where my strength didn't see me through. I fell under the pressure I've been strong against for the past week. But I know I can't deal with his using obviously. I always follow suit.
I am sad because I know that this relationship is seeing its end. He is jobless and basically being supported by my mother. The guilt from that is eating at me. Although we said we would have a good environment for his journey through recovery, it is too trying on me. I feel like I am drowning.
I must admit I am not seeking any help right now outside myself. He is not going to leave, until he gets some money not to be homeless. This is a crazy situation i know, but i need some ideas on how to reclaim myself and find a way out of this. na always made me feel like a loner. I could never assimulate. I dont know.Anyone out there that can help?

[Cynay]

Welcome hon....

Wow... tough situation... my prayers are with you....

However.....

Tell me what is more important to you, your soberity, your relationship with your mother... your personal well being or...............Him.

I guess you need to figure out what you "want" to do .... until you make the decision to be clean and sober... then choose not to be in a toxic relationship ... well till you decide that you know what to do... what you have always done.

When you choose something different ... then things change.. not that its easy, honestly its really hard, but Im here today to tell you it is SO worth it.

Think about it... what do you "really" want.

[Freedom1990]

My EXAH and I were toxic for each other, and both heavy drug users.

I never could have stayed clean under those circumstances.

I had to leave him in order to protect my own recovery.

[123bubblegum123]

Chasin,

I absolutely love what you shared about connecting with old clean friends. Any time I have any sort of catastrophe - especially pertaining to the male gender - I lean on my girl friends for major support. I would highly suggest you do the same, and open yourself, and this difficult sitation, up to your close friends for extra support. The less you lean on your dark/unhealthy/using/jobless/dependent (well, you get it) boyfriend, the better you will feel. Your main concern is YOUR sobriety, and anything that may threaten it has got to go. Early sobriety is certainly a challange, and sure, having a sober buddy/friend to go through it with can be awesome, BUT you cannot control his behavior and you have to make it clear to him that if he continues using, the only thing he can be sure of is losing you. You'll still care about him, just from a safe distance.

Please feel free to lean on me for support on here! Message me any time and I really hope you've gotten through the past few days safely.

Rachel