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|01-14-2009, 10:16 PM||#1 (permalink)|
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: New York, NY
Money , Sobriety, and Love
i live with my recovering alcoholic boyfriend who is about 1 year sober and am currently the main breadwinner in my household. his past activities have obviously caused some problems in his professional life, and last winter, he dropped out of his graduate program to focus on his sobriety. it turned out to be a really good decision (he was miserable and needed to make some big changes in his life), but it has certainly derailed his plans for his future. he and i live in new york city (where the cost of living is extremely high) and the last few months, his financial situation has been a little rough and i have been chipping in to cover some of his half of the rent. basically, the problem i'm encountering is that i feel like my boyfriend's financial instability causes me extra stress and i am developing some resentment about it. i was under the impression, from previous discussions, that he was going to look for a full time teaching job when schools start recruitment this spring, but tonight it came up and he told me he just doesn't feel ready or sure about teaching yet and does not want to pursue it at this point.
I'm looking for advice on how navigate this kind of territory, which is still very new to me. I love my boyfriend, and by living with him i'm saving money on rent even if he needs me to kick in a little more at the end of the month, but i'm still feeling resentful. i worry that his finances will continue to slide and he will become dependent on me (especially in this city where a studio will cost you $1200 a month). i've been helping him out a little each month since we moved in together in august thinking that he'd be getting into a better paying more stable job sooner rather than later. advice?
|01-15-2009, 06:05 AM||#2 (permalink)|
Searching for Serenity
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: North Carolina
How important is it to you that you share your finances equally? I think that if you feel like you can handle and you don't mind supporting him, and you feel (and he feels) like he can't handle his recovery and look for a better paying job at the same time, and his recovery is important to your relationship, then you will wait it out and see what happens. And please don't think that I'm being mean about this. I don't think there's anything wrong with separating from him because the financial stress is too great for you. And if that's what you choose to do, you should not feel bad about it one bit.
Last edited by k1a2t3h4r5y6n7; 01-15-2009 at 06:05 AM. Reason: ?
|finances, money, relationship|
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