I Want Out Of This!

[WantOut33]

hi...
i need some advice.
Here's where it all started, i use to be a good girl always did well in school and then i became rebellious and started dating this boy who did drugs.. i thought i was cool and just went along with it.. well my grades started to fall and started fighting with my parents. Then being the rebel i was i moved out of my parents house and in with my boyfriend, thinking i wanted this freedom. Well that summer i became heavily involved in drugs and in the fall i began graduate school still involved in smoking weed and some other drugs here and there.. well as you suspect i didnt do so well in school, which is soo important to me.

So, i started having anxiety attacks and they scared the crap out of me.. and i ended up quiting EVERYTHING cold turkey, no more smoking cigs, no more weed, no more coffee, no more alcohol, no more ANYTHING!! and it felt great! i started taking care of myself, like eating right and exercising. I never felt better.. and began to do a lot better in school. I actually feel like my life is back on track.. Except for...

My boyfriend. He still does drugs, not hard drugs anymore.. just weed. I'm actually proud of him for cutting back as much as he has, but i still feel trapped here. I dont like that he does drugs but still go along with it because i love him and deep down i wanna believe that he will change, but i know he wont. I feel scared like im gonna get in trouble and all my hard work in school will be destroyed for just some stupid high.. i mean i dont do drugs anymore, but i mean just because im associated with people who do...

I just want to be away from it, i'm sick of all the drugs.. its pointless. But i dont know how. I live with my boyfreind and we have been dating for 2 years. i know he loves me so much and i love him. I want to marry him, but i dont wanna marry into this life and i dont want to bring children into this life oneday either.. i just dont know what to do. I feel trapped.. Please help!

[bballdad]

wantout,looks like you have a very good perception of what you really do want in life and you are willing to put forth the effort to get it.

2 things
if you want out of that life,then as smart as you are,I believe you can figure out a way to do so and start fresh.
as for your boyfriend,it may hurt some and he may wake up.
sometimes it does take pain to help me.
if I were sick and needed surgery,a surgeon would operate on me and it would hurt me,but to help me he had to hurt me.I would have to go thru some pain to get better.

see the point?If you want things to get better,maybe you should consider moving out of that lifestyle,who knows,your bf might just quit and straighten up.

2
stay with him,follow your vision of your life as best you can and pray for you both

I send my best wishes and prayers for you and your boyfriend

:-)

[4EverIrish]

The odds are against you being around those who use whatever it is, a drug is a drug plain and simple thats including Alcohal. We have choices and im sure like the other person mention your smart enough to figure it out, its just not worth it, for me its staying away from people ,places and things which is my choice, personally i have no bussiness being around people who do, be true to thy self...good luck

[gamingkrib]

I went through the same issues, although a divine intervention with the law begin my journey. I started dating a new sober girl while we were both doing our 90/90, I was unique and could handle lol...
We both made it pass 90/90 but she began relapsing, and the process for her repeated itseld for years with major consequnces including her death at 30yrs old. In some ways it made me work the program harder since when she relapsed i was in more pain, yes codependent too but always worked a program for it...but it was hard. I was close to her family too, her father was 40 yrs sober as well and her mom was a alanon member jsut as long so they bot htaught me alot...one thing I did notice, while I was treking along building my career in Soberity (living to learn differnt) we become furhter aprt in all areas, emotinally, spirtual, socially, etc Although Iloved her very much, since we dealth with this for 7 yrs, everyday seemed hard to let go, not saying thats what ya should do, I dont give advice- sometimes list options.
but my story meaning is you might head in differnet directions, or merge.
I attended Alanon for her, so they kicked ME out...lol...wel not really. But its you who has to change., they maybe will. Put his name in the first step and see if it fits. if it does...your powerless. and work the rest from their.
After 24 yrs years now, married with kids and a great wife, It all happens for a reason. She helped me get sober in alot of other ways. Though painful, very hard, it brought me closer to people I needed, helped others to get out of my head, and have been rewarded - today, alot more more great todays I must say. I visit her grave every few years, I will always miss her.

[teachabout]

I have been married for fourteen years with the exact person you are describing. We began our lives on an amtrak saying that we were going to start a new life; one without drugs or any substances. I stopped, it was so hard! I went to school, I worked on myself and can now say that I have many years of sobriety and consistancy. not my husband. He never made it, he is a functioning drunk, he still has moments where he falls off the "drug" wagon, he has a temper and he is now over forty and so if he continues to go in the direction he will die from this disease. Please,Please,Please, if you have the courage LEAVE!!!!!! I even today do not have that courage, I go over in my head millions of times my escape route but year after year goes by and now I am forty seven and a great majority of my life where I could have had a good relationship is lost and I know that now I am as sick as the person I live with. So before you are me....call it a day. Good luck!

[Done-With-It]

Check out the Friends and Family of Substance Abusers Forum also.

There are lots of wives who are years ahead of you who may be able
to share their E,S, & H.

I would say follow your gut instinct, it's trying to tell you something,
are you going to listen to it?
Welcome to SR!!

[beingjenagain]

You aren't married so just leave! Sure it sounds easy but it also is. You walked out of your parents house without any trouble. I am married with kids, dogs, cats, mortagage, bills etc...and along with so many others it is much harder to just walk away.
If it is real and he wants and loves you leaving will show you the answer.