things do get better right?

[avasmiles]

My ah recently came home to us after 5 months in recovery. We have an 18 month old and I was so looking forward to all 3 of us being together again.. i have never been through this process before and I am so grateful he got he help he needed.I have heard that the first year for the recovering alcoholic can be a challenge.. I guess Im just a bit frustrated right now.. We are getting along fine, he just seems to be mildly depressed. Watching a lot of tv. eating lots of icecream, and not having the vigor and vitality that perhaps I had thought he would when he came home.. I tried not to have any expectations of how he would be, we are just struggling financially very badly right now and I am the only one working. We just cant make it with only my income..He does not have much of a resume and without positive refs it can be hard to find work.. Always in the relationship I felt as if I was taking care fo us.., Which I was for 8 years.. Now hes sober and I would love to see him rise up and take action!! I am confused as to how I feel. I want to give him time.. How much time is the healthy amount of time to decompress from this whole process and change before he get back to regular living and responsibilities? Should I demand he look hard? Or be sensitive to his needs?
I just want to do the right thing and I get frustrated and find myself feeling the same feelings that I had even when he was drinking.. I know that now that hes sober, all that stuff doesnt just magically dissapear..I feel like he is soooo lazy and I would do it differently? Any suggestions?? I love my husband and I want to see us get through this.. Thanks for reading this lengthy post.
Aloha,
Avasmiles

[best]

If he gets his butt off the couch and plants it in some AA meetings...
He just may find someone who has a job for him and he may also grow in his recovery much faster. It can take as long as it takes. Boundaries should still be used. I know how tough it is trying for a job but we just need keep looking till one shows up.

[bodychek]

What I have learned is that you have to be open and honest and discuss this with him. All you can do is to express your feelings and do what is best for you. Hopefully he will understand the struggles you are going through and want to contribute. If I had the time to sit around, I would take it as more time to work the steps and learn the tools to live life. Is he involved in AA?

[Evanna]

Can only speak for my own experience, but yeah, it did get better.

Can really relate to what you are saying. My story was a little different because both my husband and myself were addicts. We came into recovery together some 5/6 years ago now when our son was only 9. Although the story is slightly different it is also much the same.

When my hubs and i were at it i was the one who kept everything together. I was the one who made sure we werent sick and the one who made sure we werent homeless. Then when we cleaned up i was still the one who did all that. I was the one keeping home, bringing in the money, doing stuff with our son etc. I was so mad. Not only did i support us when we were using but here i was still doing it when we were clean. Hubs just didnt seem to get it. He didnt seem to understand why i was mad at him. Didnt seem to get the fact that sometimes you just have to get on and do things whether you feel like it or not. That sometimes you just have to put your damn feelings on hold and act responsible. It is all about being a grown up.

It did get better but it was a slow process. After a while he started some voluntary work (i was cross about that at the time too cos it still left me with 100% financial burden). He did this for quite a long time but still not really giving much at home. I was even madder then because it was like well you can give all this to other people for free and dont do anything for us. But gradually he started taking more and more responsibility. Now he is a wonderful man. He works really very hard in his job and even when he is really tired still tries to look after us. These days i feel truly blessed to be with a kind, caring and responsible man who is also quite dishy for an old geezer.

I dont have any wise words because i dont really know what happened to change things. It was mostly time.

[Sweetiepie1]

His recovery isn't down to you so don't run yourself ragged but get him out of the house.

It doesn't have to cost lots of money but take the little one to the park, have a family picnic or go swimming together. He needs some structure and some positives in his life. Being stuck indoors will depress him, if he feels more positive about life and himself he may get off his butt and get and get a job.

[sadandhopeless]

Originally Posted by avasmiles

My ah recently came home to us after 5 months in recovery. We have an 18 month old and I was so looking forward to all 3 of us being together again.. i have never been through this process before and I am so grateful he got he help he needed.I have heard that the first year for the recovering alcoholic can be a challenge.. I guess Im just a bit frustrated right now.. We are getting along fine, he just seems to be mildly depressed. Watching a lot of tv. eating lots of icecream, and not having the vigor and vitality that perhaps I had thought he would when he came home.. I tried not to have any expectations of how he would be, we are just struggling financially very badly right now and I am the only one working. We just cant make it with only my income..He does not have much of a resume and without positive refs it can be hard to find work.. Always in the relationship I felt as if I was taking care fo us.., Which I was for 8 years.. Now hes sober and I would love to see him rise up and take action!! I am confused as to how I feel. I want to give him time.. How much time is the healthy amount of time to decompress from this whole process and change before he get back to regular living and responsibilities? Should I demand he look hard? Or be sensitive to his needs?
I just want to do the right thing and I get frustrated and find myself feeling the same feelings that I had even when he was drinking.. I know that now that hes sober, all that stuff doesnt just magically dissapear..I feel like he is soooo lazy and I would do it differently? Any suggestions?? I love my husband and I want to see us get through this.. Thanks for reading this lengthy post.
Aloha,
Avasmiles

Just wanted to see if things were getting better? Has Dan found work yet? More importantly how are you doing? you should not have to have the full financial responsibility on your back. that is really hard. He needs to be willing and able- hopefully he will start to do his part.

I have a question for you? Do you still have that feeling of walking on egg shells since Dan has been home or has it gone away? My AH is in very early recovery and I feel like I have to be careful of what I do - he says I do not as I have expressed this to him in one of our therapy sessions, but I can't get the feeling to go away?

Thanks so much and look forward to hearing from you.