Hola Personas (Not Spanish)

[Wulf328]

Hey Guys,

Trying to keep things light while my mind is running wild. I need to vent about a relationship I am obbsessing about. I keep thinking about this girl in many different ways even though weve been broken up for about a month now. Of course because of my obbsessive nature it took me a while to realize she didnt want to be with me anymore. Its so weird, towards the end of our relationship I wasnt totally happy but there are two reservations I have about that. I wasnt taking medication I was supposed to be taking and I wondering if things would have been different if I had taken care of myself more and just kept things light. People had told me to keep things light several times in our relationship but I think we were both so into each other, or so into being codependant that our relationship was always intense. I think we had some communication problems, maybe some big ones. My heart, gut, soul keeps wanting to cry about how lovley it felt to be with her when things were good and it was great to project 'us' into the future, u know marriage, house, whatever. And now that were not together im doubting the validity of our relationship. Well I know what we had was real but a part of me felt very happy with her. A previous addiction had kept me from close personal relationships for a number of years and this was the first real intimate relationship since. So go figure... I just want to cry that things were awesome, then they got confusing, and even though I have alot of blessings things kinda suck and its hard for me to let go? One day (At a time!) Ok guys, thanks for letting me share,

Willis the Briton

[barb dwyer]

Thanks for that Willis ...

And do I ever understand!
When we get sober -
there will come the time we have to realize and act upon the new knowledge that ..

What we have always known ... probably isn't really love.
Its nothing more than the familiarity ...
of all we've ever known.

Then we can act on that - and move on...
Or go back to what we've always known.
WHich will undoubtedly - wind up making us drunk again.

It's all about the choices.

So are you mourning this young woman
or who you wanted this young woman to be?
Was this realtionship great...
or was it great because it was familiar?

When you get that one -
and it looks like you are very close -
you will have made it possible...
to experience more.

Well put! Great vent! Thanks!

[Wulf328]

Do you have more information on the relationship between this girl and the familiarity of all weve ever known? Thanks

[barb dwyer]

Well, hon when *I* talk about 'all we've ever known' as far as love goes -
I'm talking about what we either recieved, or what we had to DO in ORDER to receive ...
what we thought was love from earliest memory of life.

As many of us get 'down the road' with our recovery,
we learn that ...
'love' as in what we got from parents family, peers whoever ....
all had the same ... 'flavor'.
That's how we 'knew' it was 'love'.

Or so we thought.

When in recovery we establish self esteem
many of us discover that what we'd previously felt when we thought of love
was in REALITY -
anxiety.
rejection.
manipilation.
pain.

it depends with each person.

so when I say that -
that's what I mean.

So are you mourning this young woman
or who you wanted this young woman to be?
Was this realtionship great...
or was it great because it was familiar?

[lostnspain]

This is sooo good Barb!! Soo true.

[Wulf328]

Ok, ur right. Like this morning, today I am full of anxiety, thinking about how much I still care/ love/ want to be with this woman and how it must be love. That despite all of the problems and space between me and her, I still want to be with her. In fact, my feelings seem that much more honorable because of it. But I can see that if I admit that I am feeling anxiety, I can admit that anxiety is not love. When I explore that feeling I realize that I shouldnt be dwelling on it. Ay curumba! Coming to terms with recovery/ sobriety is one of the toughest things I have ever done. I am happy today, yet still the memory of my girl haunts me. ....And I need to let go that she is not and was not MY girl... She was beautiful, but beauty is not everything. I remember some very loving moments, all of which I want to explore with my new insight in the future. Thanks alot everybody!!!!!